She was a tad late (about 15 minutes) and I started thinking, "It was today right?" I even turned tot he Elder and said, "[The Teacher] is coming here today right?"
"I can't hear you."
"You can't hear me? or You don't understand what I'm asking you?"
"I don't understand."
"Did [The Teacher] tell you that she is coming to your house today?"
"Yes."
Pause, as doubt was sinking in at the lack of confidence in his response.
"Did [The Teacher] tell you that, or did I tell you that?"
He looks at the ceiling to think, "Oh, YOU tell me that."
Great, so I still don't have an answer...
I was getting a little irritated because The Hub came all the way home from work to participate in the meeting. But, alas, the doorbell rings and she has arrived. Yay.
It seemed a bit unorganized but it didn't take me long to relax and just start asking her all sorts of advice. She is truly a gift from God and I fear the day that The Elder has to enter "Real School" with teachers who are less knowledgeable and less compassionate as The Teacher. She definitely means business when she teaches (and she didn't hesitate to "bring the classroom into your home" so to speak and set him straight a couple of times). Though I still felt like my every move was being watched and judged, she didn't lead on to me that she was doing that.
I think the part of the conversation that really just let me put my guard down and trust her was how much passion was in her voice as she was talking about "dedicating years to finding strategies to help her students" (all of whom are HFA). And how she has asked/begged the school board to have the kids for longer days (currently he is finished at 11am) and for 5 days a week (4 half-days is full time, which most of his classmates are not full time, meaning they only go 1, 2, or 3 half-days a week). She gave us tips for the holiday trip coming up and will be sending home a few articles on Monday to help us with that, and she even gave us some help with dealing with The Younger.
Is this too good to be true? Am I dreaming? Between his school situation and the dietary changes, I couldn't be happier with our situation. I wish everyone had access to The Teacher. I want to spread my joy! So if anyone has questions about a behavior situation with your child, I'll be glad to pose the question to her and get some answers. I'll start...
Our Behavior Topic was regarding the meltdowns that end up with a naked Elder and a puddle of pee somewhere (not in the proper receptacle). Her advice was to follow the A,B,C pattern (A=antecedent, B=behavior, C=consequence) and try to stop it at the A. So this is what I did.
The A typically is a situation where he wants something and he wants it NOW.
The B is the taking off clothes and peeing on the floor
The C is making him responsible for the mess and having him clean it up.
"I want a muffin."
"OK, you can have a muffin, but after you eat your lunch."
Hopefully that will be the end.
But it wasn't, so then as he was taking his clothes off I said, "You'll need to have clothes on to eat your muffin."
Of course he kept taking the clothes off and then began pointing his stuff to the floor.
"If you choose to pee on the floor, you will have to clean up the mess yourself."
Sometimes this logic is enough to make him stop. But on this particular occasion he continued to point his stuff. Then I just picked him up and carried him to the bathroom and held him in front of the toilet (while he continued to rip his clothes off).
Once he was emptied and eliminated that threat, I let him calm down until I could reason with him again. We also discovered that the word "lunch" or "dinner" is a trigger for some odd reason, so The AP used the word "food" instead and that seemed to help.
It's all trial and error huh?
Pinch Me
Say Cheese
The Elder got his school pictures back yesterday and I must say they are absolutely adorable. It was worth the extra $6 we paid for the touch-up on his forehead. He has a slight scar there (not seen in the picture) and The Hub calls it his "Harry Potter" scar. Now we are working a scar on The Younger's nose. The Fantasy of Trees photographers didn't offer a touch up option.
I also got a picture of him on the bus. I had been meaning to do that for sometime for the scrapbook but kept forgetting but yesterday I grabbed my camera when I saw the bus pull up and was able to get these cutie shots. He was in a quasi-awake state when I boarded the bus. And though it doesn't look like it, he was still quasi-asleep in the close-up picture by his bus number (he's infatuated with his bus number).
My motivation to work is still low but I have been managing to get things accomplished that "absolutely have to be done." The "have to be done" tasks have been postponed to the very last minute (or delegated) and the "nice to do" tasks don't have a chance in hades of getting done anytime soon. The Executive Function is lacking severely these days. I've decided to take The Big Bro's advice and going to cut to half a pill a day to see how that works. I've been taking one whole one every other day and that seems to have helped in the sleepy/snacky department. Of course time for all the fun stuff, like online Christmas Shopping, Pictures for the scrapbook and eating cookies and brownies with The Kiddos, have taken high priority. The Super Doc would be proud. The bank account not so much....
Tomorrow is another trip from The Elder's teacher. I think I should prepare for her visit but really don't know what to expect. Even though this is her second in-home visitation. I didn't know what to expect then either. Has anyone had in-home visitations and might have some advice for me? I'd really like to get the most out of all of our services. Don't assume I know anything. =o) She does strike me as the kind of teacher that truly understands him and wants the best for him. I'm eating that up now, as I know I'm not guaranteed that in the future just based on everyone's experiences I've read about AND local stories too. But I don't want to be naive and not ask for something that I should (and deserve to) ask for.
I feel like he has made a lot of progress. His speaking skills have greatly increased and he plays quite a bit with his brother. Just about a half hour ago we were pretending to go through a typical day...."Time for bed (pretended to sleep); morning time; time to eat breakfast (pretended to eat); time to get ready for school...etc" and even though it was a very Aspergian topic to be pretending, it was pretending. But I thought it was impressive when The Younger went to get "ice cream" from the "refrigerator" and came back to give it to The Elder who "spit" it out and said, "That's Yucky! I want white-flavored ice cream." That's some pretty good pretending right there, though I can't personally pretend that white-flavored ice cream could be all that great.
Yesterday morning he actually went to go brush his teeth by himself *shock* - He went running down the hall after we put his socks on and I thought that he went to find his shoes, but I went to chase after him to redirect him to the bathroom and he was already in there with (God knows how much) toothpaste and toothbrush in hand and scrubbing away. This morning it wasn't as easy of a task, but once I got him in there he was fine. I wonder if my new "mellow" attitude has anything to do with this? I certainly have been able to muster up a lot more patience in the past week. Ho Hum. I'm wavering on whether or not this is a good thing....
On a different note, I was actually admiring The Younger as he was taking care of a baby doll (he waved to the UPS man with it in hand and you could see the guy snickering) and truly relaxing in the fact that he has natural empathy (he was shushing me because she was sleeping). You can tell it is his own intuition and probably has been a Great Teacher to the Elder for lessons in neurotypicalism.
Traveling to see family
I thought I would link to this post on Elissa's site for reference and for those wanting to know the how, what, and why of aggression in an ASD child. Since we are traveling for the holidays to my parents' home this year and will be seeing lots of family who haven't seen the kids (at all or in a very long time and definitely not since The Elder's diagnosis), I have been a little nervous about the trip. Entitled "How To Cope With Aggressive And Violent Behavior In Your Child With Aspergers," it helped me categorize everything in order to explain it to someone else (and hopefully family will read this before we arrive!). Thanks, Elissa, for that post.
I think my biggest fear about the trip is the out of control feeling I get when he does something that we've worked on for months. We can make so much progress with him in a particular environment, but it only takes one unfamiliar trigger for it to come crashing back to square one. That's when I feel like people are burning holes into my skin staring at me and I feel like my every move is being watched and scrutinized. It doesn't matter how many times I'm told to let that roll off my back or that they aren't really thinking that, it still feels that way. Maybe with the new prescription I won't be too anxious about it all, but I don't want to be aloof about it either. Ho Hum.
On a different note, I also found this video on Elissa's site and fell in love with the excitement I felt watching it.
(I had to change the link because MySpaceTV changed the URL)
Jason McElwain autistic athlete
Be careful what you ask for...
Got a new prescription and the anxiety has gone way down. Waaaaayyyyy down. Maybe too way down. It's been a week since I started and I feel sleepier than normal and I have snacking urges. I slept a lot over the weekend and even this morning I skipped my networking meeting and slept until 10:30am since I had childcare lined up. I did skip a dose yesterday and I have been more productive today (after sleeping in ridiculously late), but am trying to stick to it for a few more weeks hoping that the side effects are just temporary from the switching.
I feel like I should be stressed out but I'm not, and that scares me a little bit...
Postscript
The Picasa Album for the Fantasy of Trees is up and I've linked it to the sidebar too. I also had to laugh when I saw this picture. I call it "The Prelude" and I guess I was too busy getting The Elder's legs unwrapped around me to notice that The Younger also had a puddle meltdown. Check out Santa looking at him on the ground, having no idea what to do. I'm sure he has seen his share of probably much worse scenes! Funny that The Hub was able to capture this.
Here is also a video of the ride that the kids both just absolutely loved (for obvious reasons). It went pretty fast. The Younger kept saying he wanted to ride on the School Bus over and over and over again but when it was time, he hopped aboard the Fire Engine. I thought I had been recording from the beginning and was thrilled because The Elder gave the cutest little wave and was excited to get that on film, until I realized that I didn't. However, the Hub and his super camera captured it and it is in the slideshow.
Oh...Fanks...
It has felt like Saturday the last 2 days.....and it isn't even Saturday yet.
When you don't have company for the holidays, sometimes you forget that it is the holidays. Even the AP went to Washington DC for vacation, so it was just the 4 of us. So sorry that I didn't get to show my thanks and gratitude to everyone that is important in my life, The Sister on the West Coast, The Brother on the East Coast, The Dad in the Far East, and The Mom on her way to the Far East for their annual Medical Mission Trip. This also includes all my readers and especially those who comment. You truly mean more to me than you may ever know. Thanks for the support, advice, and fellowship. I look forward to your thoughts on a daily basis. As The Younger would say (when we fulfill a request), "Oh....Fanks!"
Wednesday evening we went to the Fantasy of Trees. I'll have a slideshow of that on our Picasa site and on the sidebar once I have them all downloaded from the 3 cameras we had there. We did wait in line to see Santa...we hadn't done that since The Elder was 2 himself and he did NOT like it. As a matter of fact we keep that picture of him in distress on the man's lap on the oven with a magnetic frame. I don't know why really, I guess we just never took it down. Now the kids don't really get the whole Santa bit. We have been kind of indifferent about the concept. We don't keep Santa from them, we just don't make a great big deal about it. So when I asked if they wanted to get their picture taken with Santa, I knew The Younger was completely clueless to what he was actually agreeing to do. We stood in line anyway, juuuuust in case we could pull it off. They did pretty good standing in line considering they are 2 and 4 and the line was slow. The Hub was standing by with his camera to snap their picture so we didn't have to buy one. (That was legitimate, they were actually allowing personal photographers, but had their own photographer in case we wanted to buy.) Well, as we were waiting in line as the next one up, one's of Santa's "elves" (bless her heart) in an attempt to get the kids excited, may have just triggered the meltdown. It was 20 questions in 20 seconds, "What's your name? how old are you? what do you want for Christmas? are you ready to get your picture? are you excited about Santa?......" The Elder just looked away and collapsed into a little puddle on the floor right then and there. It was a quiet meltdown thank the Lord. But then there was The Younger, very vocal and very loud. He took one look at Santa and the whole convention center knew that he was NOT happy and there was NO way he was going to get even CLOSE to that skeerwy red man. But I really wanted to get their picture taken since we had 1) waited in line that long with success (up to that point) 2) dressed them so adorably in the same "Mister Roger's" sweaters and 3) we didn't have an appointment to get official Christmas pictures taken in time for Christmas.
The Solution? Me and The Hub had to get in the picture and hold them in our laps. You can tell we were not expecting to be a part of a portrait that night --- we usually like to coordinate a little better (and use a hairbrush). But hey, we got it and it has a great story behind it. The Younger is exhibiting his nervous tic of picking at his fingertips (or someone's fingertips). The Elder was actually OK, and gave Santa a high five before we left, I think he was just overwhelmed with the elf. The Younger....just not happy all around.
Thanksgiving Day, The Hub and I left the house at 6:30am for the annual Autumnfest 8K. I haven't run it since 2003 when The Elder was born, but have volunteered every year since then in honor of my "Papa" who passed away in 2000. The Hub was assigned registration so we were there early. I was assigned the finishline, so I was recruited to play chef for some food prepping for post race munching and then ended up having to take over with Registration too because there were sooo many day-of-race registrants that The Hub might have actually missed the race had he not left! I was glad that I got to do more than the finishline, but I really like working the finish and being a "pusher" because it is pretty fast paced and also fun to boss people around who don't know who you are but they listen to you anyway, and I also like being their cheerleader and telling them how great they did. We didn't have any pukers, so it was a good race, however it did rain the entire time so I was wet and hoarse and came home probably just as tired as the Hub who actually ran the race.
The rest of Thanksgiving was a little blurry. I think I fell asleep on the couch reading Look Me in the Eye. And I know I got up to help cook dinner (The Hub is the official Chef in the House. I'm just the assistant). It was interesting this year to keep it GFCF. The kids didn't like the turkey, but The Elder didn't mind the "chicken." (Cue: Evil Laugh) I think the tryptophan hit us all early...the kids were asleep by 7:15 and I think I started to fall asleep on the couch again while The Hub and I were trying to decide if we wanted to brave Black Friday or not.
We didn't. The Hub slept in and for the first time in a LOOOOONG time I had both kids to myself all morning. It was actually nice. We made Oatmeal, and ate Breakfast together, then started playing together. Then they were watching a DVD and I found myself waking up on the couch. Boy that tryptophan is merciless. Once The Hub was up we started decorating the Kids' tree. I think we decided since we weren't going to be here for the holidays that we would just do their tree and not put up the big one. This was the first year that we got to do some really fun decorating and we painted macaroni (some gluten pasta that we saved for projects) and strung it on fishing line. It was a great sensory and fine motor skills activity for them. The Younger was disinterested in stringing but enjoyed the macaroni maraca we made for him (until he dumped all th pasta in the floor). After that, another blur. I woke up to The Elder screaming and I came running into the kitchen. Short-lived food-related meltdown that ended up in nakedness but thank goodness no urine. Once the kids were asleep, it was The Hubs turn to nap, and I finished the book, which didn't seem like "work" at all. It was very entertaining, yet informative and pertinent to our circumstances. Here's a comment I left on BEYOND Understanding about the book...
"I loved the book too. It is the first book I have read every single word from cover to cover in less than a week in my entire life! It truly brought a lot of insight to what goes on in The Hub and the Elder's brain. It also gives me tremendous hope."We sound soooooo lazy. But I think the Super Doc would be happy that we had a stress free Thanksgiving. So my apologies for letting the occasion pass without proper acknowledgments, and I hope that everyone had a wonderful day!
New to Autism?
In response to "My son is being evaluated for an Autism Spectrum Disorder, now what?"
First, don't panic. The Elder's OT suggested Aspergers in January and I didn't start hard core researching until July after his official diagnosis. And even though I had strong suspicions the whole time, I didn't want to put the cart before the horse and get worked up about the "worst case scenario" until I was sure what we were dealing with. You never know what you might be missing out on in the rest of your life because of panic (which may or may not have been warranted). Our unit earned our family a new car in that 6 months of not over-worrying.
Once you have a diagnosis, Joey's Mom posted a great checklist of where to start...wish I had had this!
I want to reiterate her "Relax" statement...Your child is the same child. He's still the goofy guy that makes you laugh. He's still hurts, he still feels, he still likes trains (or whatever your case may be), he still needs and wants you. The bonus is that he is SPECIAL and gets privileges that other kids don't (which is sad for the other kids).
Don't feel like you have to rush. Since there is no cure, you have plenty of time to learn about everything. Yes I do believe in all that early intervention stuff, but any intervention at any point in time is better than no intervention at all. I learned my lesson on this: Rushing and panicking actually just make everything worse for everyone (I think I thought I had to "make up" time from not panicking the prior 6 months!). Instead, enjoy your child and enjoy your journey of learning together. Quality of Life - your child will not care that you started Speech a month or 2 later than you thought you should have.
Autism is not bad and it isn't evil. It is a fact. It's like saying your hair is brown. Or that you are White, Black, Asian, Mixed Heritage, etc. Your normal may need to be redefined, but you can't escape the color of your skin and you can't escape autism. We as the parents become more compassionate, more patient, and bolder. What's so bad about that?
I think this might count
I have fallen in love with an RSS Reader. I was getting a little frustrated with Google Reader because it had a delay time that varied from day to day. I would get blog notifications sometimes even a day later! Grrrr.
Anyhoo, after a quick Google Search for "rss reader" (after all, Google can't be everything to everybody) I happened to come across this.
I have spent the last hour or so designing my "Klipfolio" and I have to say it is pretty darn cool (a strange sort of nerdy Me Time, but I think the Super Doc would be proud!). The Hub was in the other room and heard my computer ding. I hollar back "You just posted." "How'd you get that that fast?" He is also not so happy with Google Reader. Klipfolio actually checks my Gmail faster than Gmail does.
So now I can keep up with all my cyber friends in a timely fashion. Ain't technology great?
But wait...there's more...
You can also download other klips like weather, news, world clock, bookmarks, stocks watcher, and other "gadget" types. No limit (other than screen space I suppose....and I guess there is a finite number of klips to download but you get the gist).
But wait...there's more...
It is completely customizable to your preference of a sidebar, toolbar at the top or bottom, a floating dashboard. Auto-hide, Always on Top. It is pretty darn cool. Check out this video tour. I think you'll be way impressed.
But wait...there's more...
It's FREE!
If you are new to the RSS technology, hop aboard, because it truly is a time saver! And a butt saver too when you haven't called your brother in forever, BUT you know all about his life because you can keep up with his blog the minute he posts something! =o)
Busy Prepositions
It has been a busy day. I left the house at 7am and I'm just now sitting down at my computer at 3pm sans panty hose and pumps. Tomorrow will be busy too. I have a 9am, a 2pm, and then the whole family (The AP included) are going to the Fantasy of Trees in the evening.
I like being busy. It is stressful at times but I always know what I need to be doing and when. When I have nothing scheduled, my mind goes blank to the things I could be doing. By the time I think about what I should be doing, it's midnight, or time for a scheduled event. Then I feel lazy or like a slacker. I guess that is the stressful part. Having a long list of things to do, places to go, people to call - and then blanking on them. It didn't used to be like this. Maybe I'm getting old mature.
Anyhoo, I guess this post came about as I was thinking about my prescribed "me" time that the Super Doc insists that I do. These are the times when I feel lazy or like a slacker. I'm smart enough to know that I need this time and that I deserve this time, but for some reason it doesn't sit well with me. "Me" time ends up being things like: Take a Shower; Read the last Autism Book I haven't Finished Reading; Google for Insight; Multi-tasking Painting my Fingernails with Checking Voicemail (I get like 20 a day it seems like); and of course Eating.
"Doesn't Count," says the Super Doc.
But honestly, I don't know what to do. Maybe someone can make a suggestion of something fun and entertaining or relaxing that I can do for just me (without family) that doesn't cost an arm and a leg and doesn't have the words autism/aspergers or sales/marketing associated with it. Does something like that even exist?
Yeah. It's called sleep.
The Neurotypical Meltdown
This post is in reflection to the Hub's post from today. We have been married for 11.5 years and just found out last month that he has been a lifetime member of the Aspergers Club, but never knew it. It explained ALOT but it also created a lot of confusion and anxiety and really re-learning how to be with each other. I am pretty fast-paced (great combo huh?) and when I think of something it is out of my mouth and in the air in a flash until I decide it isn't a great idea anymore or I thought of something bigger and better. I like feedback. Preferably instantaneous feedback. Also, the woman in me will drop hints and clues to what I really am thinking/talking about and I also expect my body language to convey that I'm clearly ticked off, or happy, or bored, or indifferent. Now that I know to chuck all of that out the window, it is quite a challenge to remember to not be the same person you were with your mate whom you've shared a life with for 13 years.
I keep forgetting to not leave room for extraneous interpretation. That includes "hinting" and conversely "indifference."
It really didn't bother me that we didn't go to the basketball game. It didn't bother me that we had to turn around for the blanket (I was playing a game of solitaire, therefore I had no reaction - WAY too much room for interpretation there). I really didn't care about my gloves (I literally said, "It's ok, they were a buck on clearance at Old Navy," and that was translated to "they were my favorite.") And I really didn't need Cracker Jacks nor did I expect a surprise (though I do like surprises when they are concerned with good things for me!). I tend to fixate on things/concepts/events etc. to the point where I think about it and talk about it without even knowing how much I am mentioning it. I think perhaps that is how the whole Cracker Jack incident came to be.
I DID however had an NT meltdown as a result of the "poorly asked questions." I admit to that. I also had another NT meltdown Sunday morning so that our routine was "thrown for a loop." I take responsibility for that one too. (Gluten is evil - and my patience ain't so hot either...)
I started reading Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison today after some conversations on Beyond Understanding and I was simply amazed at John's explanation of his thought process of why he was smiling at learning that someone had gotten killed. I mean in the "textbooks" they tell you in general that you need to give Aspergians "think time" once presented with information. But his actual thoughts make so much sense. You know, I can see this happening in the Elder's mind, but because he is 4 and I know most of what goes into his mind, and am informed about what he is learning when he is at school, it is rather easy for me to follow his train of thought. For an adult whom I've only known since 1994, it's not as easy to follow the Hub's train of thought and I only have my neurotypical expectations to compare him to...Cue: NT meltdowns.
The other great resource is a link I stole from the Hub's post. This is very very eye opening, a wonderful perspective of the "art of communication" and beautifully written.
Success Sunday
--Joel Osteen
Gluten is evil
We've had a pretty good weekend this weekend (until today). Friday is date night and that same day the Hub got us free tickets to the UT basketball game. (He already swung us some free UT vs Vandy football tickets, so I was feeling like I was in grad school again.) Anyhoo, because Friday there was a Eye Dr appt for the Elder at Children's Hospital (downtown), a stranded Hub (downtown), the game (downtown), and date night dinner (possibly downtown), I decided to have The AP take the kids to the Fort Kid playground (downtown) so there wasn't too much driving back and forth and less vehicles being used. The AP dropped me and The Elder off at the hospital, dropped the car key off at the Hub's office, and then took The Younger to Fort Kid. After the Doc appointment (which went great - no additional vision loss and no more patching!!!), The Hub picked up me and The Elder from the hospital and we dropped off The Elder at the playground so we could go to our date night dinner and the game.
A Beautiful Plan. So, I ask, where are we eating? Chesapeake's - yummy - I was so in the mood for steak and seafood. Extravagant but we hadn't had much fancier than Moe's Grill on Date Night in a while. Then I ask, who are we playing tonight? Oh we aren't going to the game. Wha? Then the typical AS explanation that I didn't give him a "Yes, let's go to the game, I'll rearrange the transportation logistics to specifically accommodate that option" type answer that left NO room for interpretation. However, since I'm not a hard core basketball fan, just enjoy watching it, I wasn't too upset, because hey, we were going to have steak and seafood!! Looking at the clock it was not quite 4pm - is the restaurant even open? What are we going to do for a half hour until it opens? Panic...slight change of plans...yes, those freak out adult aspies too.
Just then.....The Hub did something truly Un-Aspergian......spontaneous......and a major change of plans......"It's early, let's drive to Sevierville." WOW! I really felt young and free now. (I wonder how long he's kept that option in his back pocket for a moment just like this?) We drove through the mountains to the next city over that is known for it's outlet malls. We went to Conner's for steak and seafood, did some shopping for the kids (yes I guess we are still parents), and came back home.
So let me get back on track with the title of this post. At Conner's the waitress brings us some rolls. Boy they look good. And they smelled so yummy. But being the good gluten-free role models we are, we passed and put the plate very far from temptation. (I didn't do so well with the casein free - I had both drawn butter with the crab legs AND got a slice of fudge.)
Then on Saturday, it was the first football game either of us had been to since graduating. (College kids look sooooooooooooooooooo young! geez!) Our former tradition was to get a Touchdown Frank or two because they were amazingly tasty. But seeing that they were no longer in the same packaging (used to be in paper-foil, now they were in non-biodegradable, bird-killing plastic tube bags that we could see floating around in the stadium), we convinced ourselves they wouldn't be as tasty and again exercised restraint and got popcorn.
By Saturday evening and getting stuck in post games traffic, we really wanted to sit and eat and let some traffic subside. So we went to our fave little Thai hole in the wall for sushi and pad thai. Yes we know, the soy sauce has a trace amount of gluten, but that is not what was evil. It was the bowl of fried Wontons that they put in front of us. When did this start?? Thai cuisine was the one place that we didn't feel the temptation!! But the table was small, the service was slow, and the bowl seems to gravitate to our fingers. I literally only had 4-5 and started with small ones. The result? I have slept all day today and have been cranky during the waking moments. I missed church, a baby shower, and the last day of my bible study. And I don't even want to think about putting up the Christmas tree like we planned to do today. Maybe I'll have another cup of coffee to get me through these last hours of the day.....
The NEW Paint
The Hub and I downloaded the Sketchup to our respective computers that night I discovered it (the name cracks me up. I keep thinking "you want Smustard and Sketchup on that?"...I digress) and we were both having fun playing around with it. It is quite advanced for a 4 year old (and 30-somethings as well), but I knew that he would have fun just clicking and making shapes because he loves the Paint program that comes with Windows. He calls this one the NEW Paint.
When he got off the bus, I gave him lunch. It was a much more difficult day yesterday, must have been because I sent a note to his teacher that her strategies were working. (I bet he secretly read that beforehand and decided that he would take care of that!) The day was filled with flying food, disrobing in the kitchen, and peeing on the floor. Sigh. Seems like the moment I let my guard down (even in excitement for him to get to try a new computer program) I get reminded to keep it up. I know, I know. I'm the mom and that is my duty to see things coming before the rage stage, right? I gotta get used to that whole paying attention thing. I just wish it didn't take urine for me to remember that.
Anyhoo, one of his very very best friends was coming to visit (which might have been a source of the episode) and he was so excited. Unfortunately it was going to be another hour before he arrived. I cannot in all fairness make him wait a whole hour. Well I had no choice, but I had a plan!!! Sketchup for dessert!
I told him I wanted to show him something on the computer. He got a little frustrated with the whole 3d perspective concept, but then again he was frustrated with working a mouse the first time he was on the computer (he kept touching the screen like he would on his L-Max). He loved the little man that comes standard when you start a new project. There is a horizon which helps you determine which way is up. He thought it was funny to make the man stand on his head. Anyway, I told him to make sure he saved it because I wanted to see it when he was done.
When I came back later he was playing Nick Jr games. I asked him if he was finished with his "house." "Yes" "Can I see it?" "Shore." (That's an echolalic moment he got from his Speech Therapist back in May! It is so cute to hear him still say it.) So we opened the program back up and I looked at his project. Now when I left him, there were a LOT of "buildings and pipes" because I was showing him what each tool did. Now it just showed one very squiggly line and no man.
"What happened to all the buildings?"
"Because I just like this tool. It works. Just like that. See?"
The tool? The eraser!
So you asked yourself, what can I do?
Karen at BEYOND Understanding (thanks for stopping by!) did a truly amazing thing and put together this post. Trust me, you want to read it. Because they are quotes from "moms in the field" you can actually hear their exhaustion, pain, and frustration.
From there, I found this Beautiful post from Ginger. Another must read. She has an interesting theory, an amazing faith, and a guide for friends and families to help out their loved one with autism. This brought tears to my eyes.
Since I've given a reading assignment, I'll keep this one short.
I'm so excited about this
Thanks Kristina for this post. I'm am soooo downloading the freeware for the Elder. I can't wait to see how the inside of his mind will look in 3D!
Found the picture of the glutenous products in the house and posted on the previous post... keep in mind that that was only ONE kitchen counter!
What were we putting in our mouths?
This is a timeline journal post.
We first learned about gluten back in June 2007 after his evaluation, but before we got the results and diagnosis. A friend of mine was telling me how her friend has a son with ADHD and had been on meds since he was 5. He told his mom "those pills make me sad." (This is heartbreaking because think of the nonverbal kids who are on these meds, or even my verbal son who can't describe his feelings and emotions.) He currently is 13 and takes no medication because his mom changed his diet.
So we thought, it wouldn't hurt to try it. If I can find the picture the Hub took of everything we had to pull out of our pantry I will post it. Our counters looked like a grocery store aisle. Our whole family went on the diet. For me, it really was to support the Hub since he would benefit from this diet as well. If we could get it out of the house, we can't cheat! Besides, if it would bring focus like it claims to, then I was all for trying it.
In September 2007, during our evaluation with the School System, the psychologist asked if we were seeing a difference in the Elder since the diet. And I really couldn't say yes or no, because I did a poor job documenting it, so I said no. Then the Jenny McCarthy era came. And she raved about the gfcf diet. We had considered taking casein out of the diet but really dragged on that because we all looooooooooooooooooooooooooove cheese and those substitutes just aren't the same. When Jenny said that her son's vocabulary doubled and he become more affectionate, I started realizing that I had noticed the same thing in the Elder. So we went ahead and took the plunge and took the casein out. Macaroni and Cheese just isn't the same, but we have finally found a great cheese.
About 6 weeks later to now, I'm seeing what I believe are the effects of removing the casein (if anyone can back me up on this based on your experience I'd be grateful) in his digestive system which seems to be getting closer to regular. He also doesn't whine or groan as much (which might have been from tummy aches from not eliminating). He also is eating. Today I didn't have to tell him twice to eat, nor did I have to tell him to finish. Maybe he doesn't have the full feeling? He has been playing with his brother a lot lately, as in he would start it. His pretending has increased tenfold. His conversations are conversations and not 21 questions.
He had a little allergy episode with the classic runny nose and watery eyes. The next day I ask him, "How's your nose?"He has learned the phrase, "Want to join us?" (and says it ALL the time. cute) And the other day he accidentally knocked the Younger down (usually it in intentional - sensory-related someone said to me) and he stopped and went back and asked him if he was OK. I feel closer to him than I ever have.
He checks to see if it is running and then says, "It's better."
To a typical family that might sound mundane, but I was mouth hanging open shocked at his response. About a week ago, this is how that conversations would have gone:
"How's your nose?" (no answer) "Look at me because I'm asking you a question." (darting eyes) "Is your nose better?"
Finally an answer, "Yes."
I can't believe the progress he had made speech-wise since he's been at the new school. He also seems calmer. He's still having some self-control problems at school, but come-on, that is like Stimulation-Mart.
So now, on a slightly different perspective. What has this diet done to the rest of us?
For the Younger, I haven't really seen a difference. He's always been regular, he's always been affectionate, so I couldn't use those as litmus tests. He is talking more and in sentences, but then again he is 2 and that is what 2 year olds do!
For the Hub, he got a PR for his marathon time. Here is the excerpt on his diet...
For me, I personally look at a piece of cake or a biscuit or a pizza or any indulgent food that contains gluten, and almost immediately turned off (unless it has chocolate, then I waiver back and forth). When I eat gluten now, I literally become a zombie. One day I slept for 16 hours. Luckily it was a Saturday and the Hub was on kid duty. So now I think twice before I consider putting something in my mouth.What I Learned
So even though I didn’t eat enough on race day, I think the oveall change in my diet this year made up some of the difference on Saturday. One key thing to my diet has been drinking a vitamin enriched smoothie every morning consisting of Flax Oil (Omega 3,6&9), Frozen Blueberries, Soy Milk, and the Vitamin Smoothie Powder. Since I have been on the Gluten Free diet, my snacking has dropped some. Where I might have 2 donuts in the morning 2-3 times a week, I don’t do that anymore and some of the gluten food that is here at work are left untouched by me. Don’t get me wrong, I still eat my fair share of candy bars and other taste-good-bad-for-you stuff, it’s just now, I am more conscious about it.
But I do have more energy, I lost about 5 pounds (finally got rid of my pregnancy neck without the exercise!), I drink my coffee black now which makes me feel very "grown up" hahaha, I eat much healthier, we save money by not eating out as much (and calories),
However, our grocery bill has not been pretty...
Could I actually be normal?
Monday....I exercised. Spontaneously. I took the Younger in the stroller and went around the neighborhood for a mile, which isn't much but our subdivision is extremely hilly. I was gonna go for another mile since I was warmed up but made the mistake of passing th house and the Younger kept yelling, "back home, back home." Don't think I could handle a tantrum for a whole mile. So we came inside and I did some lunges and stretches. I really felt like I had been productive.
Then today, I hung out at the Shoney's that we have our networking meeting and did some work (I love those internet cards!). Some very productive work, yet still came home in time to get the Elder off the bus. I went through his backpack and he had a big red circle around all of the "Great" marks (that is the highest mark)! WOW...
Eric has also been eating. Eating without whining. And finishing everything on his plate. I do think we are seeing the effect of taking Casein out of his diet. He is pooping a lot more often. Like every other day instead of every other week (exaggeration). Could this all be related?
This is a strange feeling. Seems vaguely familiar and slightly uncomfortable. Could it be......normality? I'm not sure if I can handle getting all excited about that yet, but I'll revel for now. I think I might even deserve a nap...
Success Sunday
--Henry Ford
Reclaiming Control
One of the problems that teacher explained and Super Doc confirmed is that we give Eric too many choices. So one of the strategies is to take control away from him which countered some parenting books I had read. But their explanation made it make more sense. We were not doing him any favors by making him believe that he has total control. Even though the choices would only lead to the behavior or answer that I wanted, he still (in his little 4yo mind) believes that he "won." He is expected to honor my decisions, respect adults, and learn to wait and earn and still not always get what he wants. Sounds realistic and smart. She said that is true for any child and is not autism related which relieved me because I can't stand having to stop and think which child I am dealing with and which strategy I need to use. Besides, Ryan is a much bigger control freak than Eric. So I actually have used more of the tips on the Younger!! And guess what? They worked!
They also worked on Eric and it was great to have power again. That sense of helplessness of not knowing what to do when he does this or does that is subsiding. Using the same jargon that Teacher uses really is effective. I mean I said, "No that's not right, Try Again" and he looked at me kinda puzzled as if I was supposed to morph into his teacher and he was waiting for it. And when I repeated the direction, he did it. Cool.
She also gave me permission to not be too strict with the "military" schedule (though with the Hub we still have to be pretty checklisty in 15-minute intervals). For example, just because the routine is to eat Lunch, it doesn't have to be at 12:16pm. We were trying to feed him at the "normal" lunch hour with so much resistance. He wouldn't sit still or sit up, he wouldn't feed himself, he would put the food in his cheek and chew it so slowly like cud or something. It would take forever for him to finish. Teacher said, that he really is getting 2 directions when we say "Sit down and eat." And if he doesn't sit down, then he doesn't eat. Hmmmmm. She said if he is hungry then he will sit down and eat. So today I asked him if he was hungry when he got off the bus (or rather I carried him off because he fell asleep again) and he said no. I said ok I'll ask you again in an hour, but if you don't eat then, you cannot eat until dinner because I want you to have an appetite. I fell asleep on the couch next to him and woke up to him running into the kitchen "stealing" a juice box. Which was fine actually because I originally thought it was a lollipop that he got from his halloween box. I said, "you can have this, but sit at the table and I'll get your lunch." He did it on the first request. Then he says, "I want a sandwich - just like Todd has." First of all I'm thinking Who's Todd? Then I'm thinking, Eric hates sandwiches - too many things touching. But I (with much power and control) say to him, "That is a good idea for another day, but today you are having spaghetti." And there was a sweet sound after that. Silence. No "Why?" No avoidant whining. Not a sound. I gave him his plate, a fork, and put the straw in his juice box and then he did a wonderful thing. He ate. Not only did he eat, but he fed himself. Not only did he feed himself (with minimal food spillage), but he ate in a pretty timely fashion without his cud technique. He didn't finish, but I think his portions are too big anyway. When he started getting distracted, I asked him 2 times if he was finished and 2 times he said yes. Then I said I was going to put his food away and he said OK. If he was really not hungry anymore, he would have not wanted me to put it away.
Was it really that simple? An hour of TV (in which I got a nap!) saved us from a struggle at eating time. Geez. He was totally cooperative.
Something entertaining Teacher mentioned was how children with Aspergers do not like to stop something in the middle of it (game, activity, TV show, etc). He has to have closure. To not have an end is like cutting off his arm - it is not complete and creates stress and anxiety and meltdowns. She said if I were to bury his hands in the sand, he would freak out because he would think his hands disappeared. What was fascinating about that was just earlier this week I was wearing a frumpy sweatshirt and because I was cold, I had my hands tucked in to my sleeves and he totally f.r.e.a.k.e.d. o.u.t. Now I know why! She also suggested that that might have something to do with his aversion to buttons (er, buttonholes) and rivets in his clothing, but it was too early for her to tell. But I'm sure Terry will be devising cruel and unusual effective tricks treatments to poke fun of desensitize his fear for entertainment purposes.
180 degrees and green water
This morning started out like a mess. I mean a real ugly mess. Because it started messy, I just couldn't get motivated. I knew that Eric's teacher was coming at 1:30 so the only thing I was motivated to do was clear a space for us to sit on the couch. First thing I did in the morning once Cris took over Ryan was email Terry's psych, the Super Doc. I had a lot on my mind and I wanted to get that to her asap before I forgot that I was feeling that way. Soon after a friend of mine called and by the end of the conversation I was yelling. I guess I had a lot to get off my chest! I bet she's real glad she called me today.
Anyhoo, I was a little nervous, ok a lot nervous to meet with his teacher. I didn't know what to expect. Up to this point, my experience with meeting with his teachers had not been favorable and involved a lot of finger pointing (in both directions). So I tried not to stress about it and I played a little solitaire while Eric watched Backyardigans (aside: I was appalled at a Charter commercial that was played during that show where they said the word sex - I mean you don't let echolalia ears tune into that! You just don't! - I'll have to rethink the watching of Nick Jr. - I mean they were also advertising Nick at Night during day time hours using Dora!! But I digress even though I'm really really concerned about that.) When Eric's teacher got here, she was actually human. I mean there was no Cruella Deville. Cris sat in and she gave us both great strategies to use and amazing insights to some of his antics, for example his throwing objects and his inappropriate laughter (which gets under my skin...grrr). She also gave me much comfort and reassurance of feeling the way I was feeling overwhelmed. Terry had been diagnosed after our IEP meeting so I hadn't really been in contact with her since then other than pick up. So I relayed that to her and she looked at me like..no one has ever suggested that you before? In other words, she had already figured that out just from observing him at the IEP meeting and at drop off. Crazy the difference it makes when you get around experience professionals. So she was even able to help me with some parenting strategies that I could easily teach Terry to do. See if I can show him what to do and do it right from the beginning then we are OK with pretty much any technique. But if I teach it to him wrong, it will be hard to get it corrected and executed consistently (no pressure). All in all I was pleased with the meeting.
I left shortly after she did to meet Terry at the Super Doc's office. I hadn't really had much communication with him since the morning from hell. After the great meeting, I was having a hard time remembering if I was still mad at him or not. Sure glad that I sent the email to her, however I didn't go back to "study" it to remind me. We got there at the same time and about 15 minutes early which isn't like us at all. But he asked about the teacher meeting and I started to tell him some things that we were doing right and some things that we were WAY off on. As soon as I stopped talking for him to get a word in about it all, he started talking about stocks. "So are we turning this into a special interest conversation?" Which I meant jokingly and I think he got that (or he completely missed it) because he continued to talk about how our money was doing. I was happy to hear it was doing very well, but I wanted to finish the Eric conversation before we went into Super Doc's office so he would have the info before I told her. He obliges. She comes out to get us in the waiting room and we are all cozy on the couch like a couple in love looking in my notebook of notes - a complete 180 from what she's probably read in my email (and evidently T's email too). So glad that I sent that email or it might have been a completely different session!! She gave us great advice. She even recommended some drugs for me (YAY - bout time!) and I left there soooo relieved to have solutions and strategies. Just what I had prayed for. All I needed was SOMEONE to tell me what to do because I didn't know where square 1 was to start there. She also prescribed me some "me-time." She said I've got to got to got to have it everyday. It was a must. Do it like it is medication. That made me feel a little uncomfortable. I already feel like I don't do enough and to procrastinate on purpose and for my own personal benefit just makes me feel uneasy.
So on a slightly different topic and to piggy back on the potty post I made earlier. Eric's teacher said definitely have a routine BUT switch it up a little. So tonight for tub time when the boys weren't looking, I squirted some blue food coloring into the water. It actually took them a while to realize the water was blue - the Younger noticed first. (I was scared for a moment that it might dye their skins and I had visions of the movie Big Fat Liar and the little blue man.) But they had a blast in the blue water. We only gave them Dixie cups to play with (instead of the usual buckets of bath toys). Eric says, "We can use brush-your-teeth cups in the blue water?" So cute. Well Ryan used the potty before bath time like he always does. Before he got back in the tub he had to go again. Well they are in the tub I look over there and he's got it pointed straight up and he was making a little fountain. "Not in the tub, we do that in the potty!" Terry says kinda under his breath, "You might make it green." Supersonic Eric Ears heard that and said, "I can make it green?" and goes to contribute his own yellow coloring. Ho hum. Time to get out. And what does Ryan do? He goes to the potty again. Geez he musta had a lot of liquids tonight!
Forcing my chin up
I woke up a little stressed this morning. Like I was in a hurry and was forgetting something. Today was my open house and I felt very out of control because I hadn't been a part of the planning process this year. I knew I had plenty of time to be ready but I still was anxious. Perhaps because I had neglected some tasks the night before and I was trying to keep a bunch of little projects in check in my head. I also was overcome with grief for various reasons. Particularly the death of a 55 day old baby due to Strep infection and a college friend's child undergoing a major surgery scare. To top everything off, I'm extremely exhausted. You would think that getting an extra hour this weekend would make me less tired, but I'm finding myself unable to stay up later than 9pm. And I'm cold.
I think the gloomy attitude started on Sunday when Eric didn't have a good "report" in church. I hadn't had to defend him in a while and I guess I took for granted that "relax and enjoy" feeling was going to last. All of a sudden I couldn't get the scenario out of my head long enough to stop tensing up. Monday he came home with mostly "Hard" marks. I'm meeting with the teacher tomorrow and I had requested that she help us with church situations, both sunday school and cherub choir. But she wants to discuss strategies for home first and get that under control before we move onto the community. I'm thinking - We're good at home. it's the community that is stressing me out! (I wonder if she can help me strategize for Ryan's NT meltdowns - sometimes I think his are just as stressful or more because he is so sensitive (read: melts down often) and so strong (read: painful to others))
I took out some gloominess on my poor husband. I got a little frustrated that I had everything up in my head and if I stop thinking even for a moment to grab a pen and paper to jot it down, my mind literally goes blank in 2.5 seconds. I know he wanted to help, but he just stood there and I had to stop thinking about everything so that I could give him a detailed enough direction to jar him out of paralysis. And then I lost my train of thought (very easy to do, period, but add stress to the mix and it is just a given). Sometimes I wish I could think and allllll those thoughts somehow miraculously wrote themselves down on a piece of paper. These are the times when neither one of us can think straight and it gets chaotic in the household. And we as parents have to be responsible for 2 boys. These are the days that we call the "bad days." I feel unbalanced, out of control, overwhelmed, and just want to lock myself in my room.
I read an article that I linked off of Autism Vox that really got to me. This article really got to the core of my stress I think. How Autism is hidden, especially Asperger. Both Eric and Terry appear so typical, not just outside appearance but even in activities and roles that they have learned to do from watching a movie, or a similar social situation. But during "bad moments" it is so obvious that they are struggling with communications and social appropriateness that they may or may not even be aware of themselves, depending on how severe the meltdown. They are brilliant, yet can't answer simple questions or learn from their mistakes (unless of course it pertained to their special interest!).
I'm pretty confident that something amazing is going to come from this. Maybe not in my lifetime, but I believe that lives will be changed for the better because of our "hardship" right now. I wonder if Bill Gates or Einstein's parents knew what Billy and lil Al would do for mankind?
My boy wants to potty all the time...dd..pp
I can't read the hub's post today without flashing back to this moment. Back before we "knew" I struggled with Eric running out of the church and into the parking lot like a madman with no awareness of what was around him....like moving vehicles. Luckily it was usually during pickup with I would go get Ryan and other moms would slow down his progress enough that I could catch up to him. One particular day it felt like moms were holding the doors open for him. Grrr. Anyhoo, I think I dropped everything - maybe even Ryan too because I'm not sure where he was when all this happened. Perhaps I left him with a parent. (Poor guy - the 2nd borns have a tough life) Anyhoo, I got him right before he ran out in front of a minivan, who was probably only going 1 mile an hour looking for a parking space, but I tried to transfer my fear into him by telling him it was going fast and almost ran him over. When I had jerked him out of the street he had fallen on the pavement and had gotten his hands grossed up. This was before the "I have to touch/lick everything" phase, a time when he hated to be wet or dirty. As I was ranting on how he almost got killed, he's screaming, "My hands! My hands! My hands!" meanwhile never acknowledging the situation. I was livid but didn't know what to do (remember this was before AS was ever a twinkle in our eyes). We happened to be in a handicap parking space as we had this little scene and I made him sit down, really just so I could take a couple of deep breaths. He looks on the ground at the symbol painted in the parking space and says, "Look, Mommy, a Potty!"
Well I thought I would just die laughing if I hadn't been so mad at him. I gathered our stuff (including Ryan) and we went home.
My initial thought of his comment was that the person is sitting down and maybe he looked like he was sitting on a potty. After some thought, I realized that most public restrooms have the sign beside the "Men" or the "Women" signs on the outside of the room or on th door of the "big" stall. So perhaps he thought the space was a potty. Well reading Terry's second part of his post might shed some light:
He is a riot.The Big Blue Potty
Also on our excursion yesterday, I had to go to Kohls to redeem a coupon that we didn’t use at checkout. It ended up being in our favor, but it took a few iterations to get the prices worked out correctly. As The Elder and I were walking through the parking lot, he stopped on the painted handicap symbol on the parking lot, a big blue (3 ft x 3ft) square with the universal picture of a person in a wheelchair.
The Elder is in the middle of the sign, looks down at the symbol, puts his hands on his waist and asks, “Daddy, can I go to the bathroom here?”
“Wha? No. No. No.” I rapidly replied, finally figuring out exactly what he was doing. He hasn’t quite figured out the whole public urination concept yet. The other day, he had his pants moving down his waist as he was going toward a tree in the church parking lot during our annual Trunk or Treat event.
On a different note, he had his school pictures today and we had to pay an extra $6 for phtot retouching because he had a small scratch 2 weeks ago on his forehead and it had turned into a dime size wound recovering from mild infection and constant scab picking. We've been putting bandaids on his forehead which is funny considering he used to HATE anything sticking to his skin - bandaids, stickers, temporary tattoos, post it notes, etc. But these are COOL bandaids - they have Hot Wheels on them!! He went back and forth on whether to get the Hot Wheels or the Nascar ones. It was a tough pick but these had a better box - reuseable as opposed to the recyclable carboard box. But now it is healing since he can't pick at it. He actually gets mad when you take it off. He literally cries like you've held him to a fire or branded him on the rear.
I was afraid that they wouldn't think to take it off for the picture, but hub put a spare in his "communication folder" in his backpack so I think they put two and two together. Plus I had told Eric that teacher would take it off for the picture and put a new one on. So even though both parents forgot to send a note, quickly say at drop off, or call in to remind them to take it off, I had confidence that Eric would have kept them in line.
He came home asleep on the bus (so cute, esp since the other little boy was sleeping too) and went straight to the playroom and popped in the Cars DVD (again). THis time what made it funny was that he made me stay and watch because "such and such" was about to happen. Already having full length movies committed to memory.
"Want to see him turn blue? Watch..."I'll let the potty theme to come full circle and leave it at that!
"The car turns over and 9-5 bounce over the wheels. Watch..."
"There...see? Mens and Womens." (The cars were going to the bathroom at the track)
Looking forward to Wednesday
Both kids did wonderfully in the worship service again! It was more crowded this week so I think sounds might have been more muffled even if one had played the drums on a chair. However, I didn't have to send anyone to the bathroom today! Eric went because he had to pee and Ryan was ok with not going with them. He just sat in my lap. Eric occupied himself (because we forgot to bring something extra) with the pens in the chairs the church provides for us to fill out attendance cards and prayer requests. He collect 4 different pens from our row and tried to exit our row. I stopped him.
"You can walk up and down our row, but you cannot go past my purse, OK?"
He showed me his handful of pens and whispered, "I need to find sixteen more."
I whispered back, "OK, but do it when the service is over." Which he forgot to do afterwards.
They both did great with the whispering! Ryan was smiling at me with his little cheesy smile (see banner above) and whispering to me that he loves me in 2 language, neither of which was English! "Te Amo" "Mahal kita" Yes, he's only 2.
Wednesday is our first in-home session with Eric's school teacher. I'm so glad that it was postponed to this week because this morning I got called out of Sunday School class to attend to a matter. It seems that Eric was not happy at snack time and he ultimately spit on the table and hung out under the table and wouldn't get out. There were about 14 children in the class - all 4 and 5. During the looooong walk from my classroom to his, his teacher was recounting what happened that led her to throw her hands up and come get me.
"So what happened right before all this?" It was snack time and he didn't want to eat (which makes sense to me because he snacked in the worship service). She told him he didn't have to eat but he had to sit at the table and that is when he did the above. Oh and he hit a little girl too. My response, "He probably was trying to say what is wrong but can't and when people didn't get it, he got angry and took it out on the person who was closest."
She opens the door and I see he is sitting in a chair about 2-3 feet aways from the table and she continues to talk. He's looking at me kinda stressed and I smile at him and wave so he knew I wasn't mad, and then asked if we could go back in the hall to discuss it (NOT in front of 14 preschoolers). She said she was trying to be as patient as possible but when he spit on the table, she didn't know what to do because the other kids were watching and they know that isn't acceptable. I looked at her with the most sincere look and said, "I don't know right now how to tell you to handle that. The best thing to do is tell him "Let's take a walk" and remove him from the classroom. That way the kids don't think he got away with it." But she can't leave the other students with one other teacher. So she suggested that I come and walk with him, which means he would probably not go back to class.
"Well he seems to be fine now, so I'm going to go back to class. I'm meeting with his teacher this week and I'll keep you informed on the strategies she gives me." Sending him back to me doesn't seem fair (to either of us) if it can be handled in the classroom. I'm not sure I completely agree with my "Let's take a walk" theory would be best for Eric and how his classmates would see him - not that 4 year olds judge, but they are honest, and they do tell their parents what happens. And unfortunately parents do judge. Been there.
As soon as I opened the door to my classroom, the bell rang so I got to sit in the last 5 minutes. As I sat there I felt my face get flushed. Oh no! Jen, don't cry. It's not your fault. You don't have to have all the answers. Quick, someone say something funny. And someone did and that was that. Deep Breath. Go get your son. Thank the teacher.
On our way out I thought, well I guess if I had been there I would have asked him more questions to find out the real reason he was melting down. That's what we do in the heat of the moment right? But when I'm in the heat of the moment with a teacher, I don't know how to slow my heart rate down to transfer that knowledge to her and break through the frustration barrier that I know she had (she kept repeating over and over again that he spit and hid under the table). I guess I'm so green that I still feel a little attacked because I'm helpless if I wasn't there during the meltdown. We went to Buddy's BBQ for lunch and I asked him what happened in class today and he said,
"I pushed my chair back."
"What happened that you did that?"
He replied in a broken sentences that made it sound like the teacher did something to him, which I knew wasn't true. Those open ended questions really do not work...
"Were you sad?"
"Yes"
"Because of snack time?"
"Yes"
"Because you were not hungry?
"Yes"
"That is OK to not be hungry during snack time, but the smart and friendly thing to do is to sit with your friends while they eat and maybe talk about your trains. Can you do that next time?"
Cue: Avoidant behaviors
Yeah, it was a little long winded. I got that "smart and friendly" thing from Attwood's book The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. I think it is so funny that I use it all the time! I'm sure he heard me say it, but I shortened it just to get a response.
"Just sit with your friends and talk about trains, ok?"
"OK"
Then we role played it and he got it. Too bad we have to wait until next week to see if it works.
Maybe on Wednesday I'll learn a new strategy.
Success Sunday
or have allowed others to make for you."
--Linda Toupin
She also brings up a point that we become like the 5 people we hang around the most. Does that include virtual people? Because I appreciate all the love and support that I get from you all. I hope it is rubbing off onto me and goes right back atcha! =o)
Demon be gone!
Hmmm, I have a feeling that the Thomas costume will get well used. I was considering getting a back up one while they are sale. Thanks for the well-wishes.
Eric was in our bed this morning around 6am and kinda whimpering. My first instinct was that his nose was bleeding so I popped up to check. He was fine but got up to use the bathroom and came back and laid down in the middle of the floor. He did not feel feverish.
"Are you OK?"
"No"
"Are you hungry?"
"Yes. and thirsty too."
"Ok let's go to the kitchen."
He's stopped at the door and had an awful look on his face and I was trying to figure out what was hurting him. Right when I realized that he might throw up, he did. He cried a little and I got a bar mop so he could finish. Bless his heart. When he was done, I asked him
"Do you feel better?"
"Yes, I want a blueberry muffin."
So the demon is gone and I've got my little guy back! He's totally back to normal!
It's not too late!
Well October ran away from us before we realized that we never carved the pumpkins.
Eric was feeling bad on Wednesday - he got off the bus a little cranky and talking but not making too much sense. While we were out running errands and when we got home, he just wasn't himself. I told him that he didn't have to go trick or treating (When Ryan says it it sounds like Chucke Cheesing) but he wanted to go and frankly I wanted him to go too. Last year was the first year we went door to door (just me and Eric) and it was rainy so we didn't get far in teh neighborhood. So I was really looking forward to having both of them this year and the weather was perfect! I'm pretty cold natured so I brought a nice warm ski coat to stay toasty. Eric started to perk up when he started receiving candy. He would rush to ring the door bell. (Ryan was pretty darn demanding..."I want snack" was his "trick or treat") We started to go down the hill in our neighborhood which meant we had to climb a few driveways to get to the goods, but half way down the hill Eric started feeling bad again. His legs hurt, his back hurt, his head hurt, so I picked him up and carried him home - with multiple stops because 1) he's heavy 2) it was uphill all the way home 2) I had on a toasty ski coat. Cris and Ryan went to some other houses on the way. Luckily Eric had on his Thomas Light-up shoes that went off everytime his foot hit my leg (knee - sniff - he's getting so big) so we didn't need a flashlight or glow stick to be seen in the dark. We got back and he fell asleep on the couch in the playroom watching Cars. Of course Terry and I stayed up late to finish watching the movie even though we've seen it a thousand times. I digress.
I took Eric's temperature the next morning and it was low grade at 100.4 so we kept him home from school. Again he wasn't himself all day and his temp stayed pretty consistent even with the Tylenol. I asked him if he wanted to carve the pumpkin and he did. We had watched a Max and Ruby episode where Max got to design the jack-o-lantern (Ryan calls it a "jackson" - a "skeerwy jackson" with his "scary face") so I let Eric do that. He wanted 4, no 5 eyes that were triangles, a square nose (how many? "um, just one") and a scary mouth and drew zig zags on his paper (how many mouth? "just still one.") But he did not participate once he saw the stringy guts and seeds.
This morning I took his temp and it was down to 99.3 and we was acting himself. Terry left for work late because I asked him to make muffins for our mom's group bible study and he got to hear funny Eric conversations that just aren't the same retold.
When I got back around noon, his temp had gone back up to 100.5 under the arm and his face was red and he was refusing food. He left the table and I assumed that he had gone to the playroom to watch Spongebob or something. But when I came into the living room he was lying on the couch. I asked him if he wanted to lay down on my bed and he did so I tucked him in and he asked for more blankets. He slept for about 3 and a half hours (he never naps). But now he's in my lap as I type this and he feels cooler and he's bugging me about wanting to see Thomas Toys on the computer! So Perhaps we've gotten over the hump!
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