OK, let's get the scenario setup properly. You will need to know the following facts to fully appreciate this post...

Fact 1: I sneak around in the mornings that The AP has the kids so that I can leave the house without a 2 year old hanging off my leg.

Fact 2: He knows the sound of my voice, but does not know the sound of my footsteps (when I'm barefoot, he knows what heels on the stairs sound like and he knows that they are my footsteps). I always go down the stairs barefoot (for the reason above and the fact that stairs in heels are a bit challenging).

Fact 3: When you go down the stairs to the basement level, you come to a "landing" foyer type area at the bottom of the stairs. If you turn right, you walk into the family room area (toy landfill) and if you turn left you are in The Asst's office.

Fact 4: The Skipperdoodle was acting rather strange last night. He laid beside the bed (right where I would step on him if I had to get up to pee) which he has never done. He was acting a little stressed and even kept his head perched up as he lay there for a while before he finally put his head down. This was like 2am and it bothered me. I even woke up The Hub saying "I wonder if he is protecting us from something?"

Fact 5: My National and I were playing phone tag since 9am trying to finish a conversation that started last night. I was texting The Hub and The Asst at the same time trying to find something I needed for my client so I could get my butt out the door so I would only be 1 minute late for my 10:30 appointment.

Fact 6: The Younger is doing great at potty training and is very proud of himself when he "makes" it, and very upset at himself when he "misses."

OK, I think that is enough background information to get this story going...

The Scene: In The Asst's office in the basement, with only the lights at the "landing" on. I'm sneaking around so that The Younger cannot hear that I'm on the same floor as he is.

Me: (texting The Asst) do we hv anymore plat cust compacts? Not in inv closet.
Me: (texting The Hub) where r the boppy pix?

ding, ding, ding, ding (incoming text alarms) Back and forth brainstorming of where it could be. Succumbing to the fact that I will not be able to find it before I leave for my 10:30.

The Asst: (texting me) did u look in the big inv closet?

Duh, that is where we keep all the frilly things that she makes pretty gift baskets with (I'm not that talented) and of course...discontinued and limited-edition inventory that I haven't sold yet! She's brilliant!

So I walk over there (on the other side of the office than the lighted landing where my regular-line inventory is) and I feel something wet on my foot. I turn on the light to the big closet to my disgust.

I instantly figured out that THAT was why The Skipper Dog was acting so weird last night. Not only did he feel guilty that he poop on the carpet, but he obviously wasn't feeling well either. It was in random locations in about a 5 foot radius. Sorta spread out like land never know what you're gonna get, so I just stayed put and called out to The AP.

The AP: Yes?
Me: Can you get me a paper towel or something?
The Younger: MOMMY!!!!
Me: (to myself) Oh boy, I'm really gonna be late now.
The AP: What happened?
Me: Skip had an accident and I stepped in it so I didn't want to spread it all over the house.
The Younger: Mommy! I pee peed and poo pooed in the potty!
Me: You did??? That is great! I'm so proud of you!!

He comes skipping toward me to get his "I'm so proud of you" hug, and I stop him with an abrupt scream.

Me: Watch out! Yucky here!
The Younger: I pee peed and poo pooed in the BIG potty!
Me: All right, good job!!!
The Younger: (clapping and jumping up and down, yet not all in one place. This would be his version of the happy dance, but it was stressing me out how close he was to what may or may not be poop.)
Me: Now stay right there, don't come any closer. Can you turn on the light for me?
The Younger: I can't reach.
Me: Ask Brother to help you.
The Younger: Brother! I need your help.
The Elder: I'm sorry, I'm watching TV right now.
The Younger: Mommy needs light on.
The Elder: Mommy? Mommy's here? MOMMY! (as he comes running around the corner) (He learned that from The Younger, but I love it to pieces, even if it is an if...then scripted reaction.)
Me: Careful!! There's a big mess!
The Elder: What is it?
Me: It's poo poo and it is everywhere.

That was enough to send him right back to the TV. No, sir! Not interested in that at all.
The Younger had found a box or stool or something (he's pretty resourceful) to stand on to turn the lights on. He immediately sees the poop everywhere on the carpet and looks at me sternly...

The Younger: Mommy, you not poo poo in the potty!!!

ROFL!!! I was just waiting for him to send me to time out. Luckily The AP showed up with tissue, paper towels and spray cleaner and I got to wipe my foot off and started working on the carpet. She insisted that I go because she knew I was going to be late, and I was like, this isn't exactly in your job description. But she insisted so I was able to get upstairs to properly sanitize my foot with boiling water, antibacterial soap, and rubbing alcohol.

End of Scene: 10:30am, in the car, calling my client apologizing and that I'm on my way. Fortunately she has a dog and could empathize. Unfortunately, I still hadn't found her a compact!

5 Responses to "Youngerese"

Mandolin Mom (visit their site)

OMG! Younger is HILARIOUS, and you really do tell a story well. Hugs!

Marla (visit their site)

This is too funny. What a mess!

Casdok (visit their site)

Brings back fond memories!! And that was only from this morning. And i dont have a dog!!

Gwendolyn's Gifts (visit their site)

Very funny (and a little gross...but entertaining just the same.)

BTW, I actually remembered Success Sunday this week!! Yay!

KO (visit their site)