Find Out What Jen Finds

Success Sunday: "Find Out Where I Blog" Contest

2008-08-11T00:56:00.002-04:00

Please update your feeds to the following:
Posts: http://whatjenfinds.com/feed
Comments: http://whatjenfinds.com/comments/feed

Hurry and visit and leave a comment there so I can add you to the NEW blogroll!

All commenters on this SUCCESS SUNDAY post will be entered into my "Find Out Where I Blog" Contest! Unlike the contests The Hub is so well-known for, you will win non-crap.

The rules are:

Update my links on your blogroll (if I'm not on your blogroll then add me!)
Update my links in your Reader (if you don't have a feed reader, I highly recommend it. I personally am using Google Reader right now. It really makes keeping up with other blogs much more simple and you can access it on your phone too if you have an internet connection. Too bad it doesn't blog for you...)
Leave a comment on this SUCCESS SUNDAY post to let me know that you have done the above
Optional: Ooooh and Aaaaahhh over my new site!

I'll close the comments after I post the next Success Sunday Post (which based on past history, may or may not be on Sunday).

The Trusty Statistician will generate a random number and will select the winner based on the order you have commented (you may comment more than once but let's be reasonable here ok? No putting every other word in a separate comment. You know who I'm talking to...)

The winner must release (in private of course) his or her snail mail address to me so I can send you your bling. If you are not comfy with that, then I'll work around it somehow, but I cannot guarantee that it will be non-crap.

Feel free to pass on word for those who thought I was lost in cyber space somewhere never to return. It would be sad to lose touch.

I will need to approve your comment, but once I approve it you will be forever approved. (At least by me).

Good Luck and thanks again for keeping up with me!

Much Blog Love,
Jen P

Just Blogging Along...

2008-08-06T12:51:00.002-04:00

I'm still out lost in the blogosphere. No worries though, as I see the light at the end of the tunnell. I'm in the process of importing my posts and comments from Blogger to Wordpress. It's not as simple as they make it out to be. sigh.

Anyhoo, thanks for sticking it out with me. I won't let you get lost too.

BTW, I've got a great Success Sunday quote! But it's Wednesday. So you'll have to wait.

Success Sunday

2008-07-27T22:44:00.004-04:00

"Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever."
--Keri Russell

Isn't this so true? I have really believed in this in the last few months looking back in my past, including the recent past. Some of the smallest decisions that I made really made a huge difference in my personal development. A smile, a compliment (gets you free soy in your starbucks coffee), remembering someone's name out of the blue (I'm really bad about that, but when I do I seem to really score some points). Seriously, I think because of the little social skills I have picked up along the way of going from working with robots/computers to working with people/emotions (there's some still some robots in our house), I have begun to realize how much it means to me to understand someone else. It actually brings me peace.

The following prayer was the very very first song that I ever sang in church as a solo.

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

At the time, I thought it was nice arrangement of the song, so that is why I picked it. When I "grew up," I studied the words a little bit better and they meant a little more to me than just pretty notes.

Shortly afterward, 9-11 happened. I was actually in the middle of a huge e-battle with The Sis. It immediately ceased and I sent The Prayer to her. We haven't spoken about that argument since then. Honestly, I can't even remember what it was about. I don't think we've even had an argument since then (which is really odd). She is one of my best friends.

Then when I was pregnant with The Elder, I recorded the accompaniment on our piano so that I could sing it to him in utero (I can't ~~walk and chew gum~~ sing and play at the same time). His first few days on Earth was spent under a bili-light and it broke my heart to not be able to hold him and comfort him as he cried in fear. All I could do was sing. So I sang The Prayer and he immediately stopped crying and looked my way in those pitiful little eye goggles (the kind you had to strap on. The Younger had the tape on kind that isn't nearly as easy to rip off). I couldn't even get through the first few lines because of his reaction. I sang that to him every night in the rocker before I laid him down to sleep. I must have stopped some time around the time I found out I was preggo with The Younger, so he was right around 1yr old. Today, The Elder calls that his "special song." I never told him it was special. I sang it for the first time in a loooong time last Christmas to him and that is what he named it. My favorite is when he requests it.

"Mommy, gotta sing me my special song, please"

I'm looking forward to seeing how The Prayer threads through not only my life but perhaps The Elder's too. Based on his accomplishments in the last few days, I can see him being a peacemaker. Isn't that ironic?

But at the other end of the spectrum, those seemingly insignificant things that I totally brushed off have the same sort of powerful impact, but not in a favorable way. You know, kinda like not being consistent with your children? Boy that one always blows up in my face...

BTW, The Younger's special song is the Alphabet Song. That was the only thing that I could sing to him to keep him happy. I realized later that when I was pregnant with him, The Elder was at that age when I was trying to get him to sing his ABC's (because all his friends were doing it. It'll make you feel good). So I guess he picked up on that. Fortunately for me, it is the same tune as Baa Baa Black Sheep and Twinkle Twinkle. I could switch it up a bit.

"Although we plan to upgrade soon to a more powerful processor, we try to make as few changes as possible."
--author

Ok, I thought I'd be cute and throw this one in there too. I just bought my domain name and will be moving to Wordpress ONE DAY. Not sure when. All of my other websites are powered by Wordpress. For now though, I'm just going to redirect it to Blogger until you all get used to the domain name and don't have to freak out at the change. So go ahead and change your link to www.whatjenfinds.com. Well, you might need to wait 24 hours, because I havn't gotten my confirmation email to activate it yet. They got my money though, so it's a done deal.

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Wal-mart & Grandma

2008-07-26T12:19:00.003-04:00

Did anyone catch this Youngerese-ism???

I thought I would die laughing when we finally figured it out. Someone please humor me!

Find Out what The Younger was Saying

Find Out what The Younger actually Meant

I wish I had audio of it. I think he is starting to pronounce it correctly now. Boy they grow up too fast.

Origins of names

2008-07-23T19:15:00.003-04:00

I enjoyed Angela's post about where her children's names came from. It reminded me of the ordeal we went through to name our children. Here is the comment I left on her post:

We adopted the "Wal-mart" rule to naming our kids. Because my name is Jennifer during a time when everyone's name was Jennifer, I could never find stickers, bracelets, pencils...nothing...with my name on it because all the other Jennifers gor there first. So the name had to be common enough to find at a personalized trinket kiosk, but not so common that they were always running out.

We had a list of names (separate lists) of what to name The Elder. We ended up choosing a name that wasn't even on the list because he didn't "look" like a Graham or whichever names we had. It took us 6 hours to name him, and didn't let grandparents meet him until we could introduce him with a name.

His name means "Honorable Ruler" and "Gift of God" and The Younger's name means "Little King" and "Gift of God" (but their middle names are not the same!). Isn't that cool? So in essence, The Younger was named after The Elder!

Since we didn't know what The Younger was in terms of gender, we had both girl names and boy names picked out. We still wanted to wait until he was born to actually name him. You know, just in case he was a she, though that mommy instinct told me otherwise. The week before he popped out (actually The Hub got to deliver him), I doubted that instinct and I started to panic because I had nothing girlie to take him home in in the event it was a girl. Fortunately it was a boy because we knew what we wanted to name him already. Double fortunately, he "looked" the part too.

So, where did your kids' names come from?

Success Sunday

2008-07-20T22:45:00.007-04:00

"The secret story is the one we'll never know, although we're living it from day to day, thinking we're alive, thinking we've got it all under control and the stuff we overlook doesn't matter."
--Roberto Bolano

I had a different quote for today and then came across this one about 2 seconds ago and changed it. I think many people who read my blog can identify with this. To me, the secret story is the Master Plan of my life. Something that weighs on my mind quite often, keeping my mind as open as possible. It fascinates me to try to find out what that secret is, knowing full well that once I've got it "figured out," that it is just a means to finding peace with a particular outcome. Then later as I recalculate the order of events, I'm reminded of a word, a look, body language, something that completely changes the context of the event. Isn't that crazy? Well, the crazy thing is that even with all the rediscovered overlooked nuances of my life, I still will never have it figured out!! I guess it'll be in that big book at the pearly gates.

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Oh, by the way. One of the drawbacks of posting too often (like I've have that problem) is that the second one tends to get "overlooked" so here is the "secret story" about the birthday party that didn't get too many hits because of its post position in the blog. Be sure to leave a comment so I know that I didn't write that incredibly long past in vain. I mean, at least I have the moment recorded for posterity...

So let me back up and take a chunk out of this list by my desk...

Last Friday, I woke up to The Elder screaming that he had hair all over him. He doesn't like getting haircuts because of how the hair feels as it falls on his skin, nor how it pokes him through his clothes if they stuck on his shirt. Can't blame him there. I don't know too many people who enjoy that feeling, hence the invention of the "cape." Anyhoo, he is saying, "Get it off, get it off.." as he is pulling at his hair.

Me: Honey, are you having a bad dream?
The Elder: No, I want to get it off!
Me: Do you want me to cut your hair?
The Elder: Noooo.....
Me: I can cut it shorter, if I cut it short then I won't have to cut it for a long time.
The Elder: Nooooooo....
Me: I can cut it short like Kenneth and Colton and Ethan's hair.
The Elder: (stopping to visualize their haircuts) OK. I want it short like Ethan Colton Kenneth.
Me: Ok, I'll cut it tonight during the movie.

Fridays are Family Movie Night. It is a night that we let the kids stay up later than normal, eat popcorn in the playroom, and possibly fall asleep on the floor. But on hair cutting nights, it can be quite an ordeal.

Now it was early in the morning so I wanted to make sure that he remembered exactly what we were planning to do that evening so I kept asking him throughout the day, "Are you sure you want it shorter?"

The Elder: Yes. I want it short like Ethan Colton Kenneth.

I would tell The Younger about the plan too. Hoping that if I can get one kid down for a haircut, i might as well knock 'em both out at the same time.

Me: (to The Younger) Guess what? I'm going to cut your brother's hair shorter during the movie tonight. I can your hair cut too, OK?
The Younger: Yes...I want you to cut it BIGGER.

HA!

Well, that day happened to be is 5-year-old well check-up. Since he is not going to kindergarten they didn't have to do the full out physical. He did very well, I think because The Younger wasn't there to rile him up. They are usually playing chase with each other in the 6 x 5 foot exam room. I let The Younger stay home with The AP as it was during his nap and if he didn't take a nap, on a NORMAL Family Movie Night, it would be good because he would fall asleep within 5 minutes of hitting Play. But on a Family Movie Haircut Night, we want him to be well-rested.

Well, right before we were just about done with his exam, The Kid Doc says, "So did you want to go ahead and do his immunizations now?"

Well I was shocked. I mean, I didn't bring backup. The Kid Doc kept saying "it's up to you" and I kept getting panicked because I didn't want to make a separate trip JUST for shots, but I didn't want to be the one holding him down either. For a split second, i almost postponed JUST so I could send The Hub to go do it. What a wuss I am. Well, I agreed to 2 of the shots because the other 2 are going to be combined into 1 shot in the near future. I have until kindergarten to make him get it. I figured 3 sticks spread out were better than 4 sticks all right now. The sad thing is that they put them in his skinny little arm. One on each side.

He cried so hard. At first from the pain, then from the confusion. His poor little lip was quivering in a way that looked like he was faking it, but of all the times he has faked a cry, I've never seen his little lip quiver like that. I just hugged him and rocked him and apologized that he had to go through that.

Me: It's just what all 5 year olds have to do.
The Elder: I don't want to do that again.
Me: No more today. But you will need one more before you go to kindergarten.
The Elder: Noooooooooooo
Me: Not today.
The Elder: I don't want to do that again...not all year.
Me: It will be your LAAAASSSST one until you are really old, like 12.
The Elder: Noooo...I can't!

I actually had to get onto the mobile youtube site from my treo and find Thomas the Tank Engine's Accident's Happen video to get him to calm down while we had to wait to see if he had a reaction. (yikes! I tried to find the video to link to it and it is no longer available! that is a very very very bad thing once he finds out!) Once we were in the car I got a text that The AP was taking The Younger to Wal-mart so I thought that we would meet them there and treat The Elder to a NEW movie that he could pick out of the "Price-Cut" section.

Before we met up with them at the Toy Department, I took The Elder to the magazine section to try to find a picture of a short haircut, which very hard to find these days in those teeny bopper mags. Finally I found one and showed it to him.

Me: Look, here is a boy with short hair. I'm going to cut your hair just like this.
The Elder: I want to go to the Toys.
Me: I know, but we have to do this first (i love being the adult). Look at this picture....
Look at this picture with your eyeballs.....This is what your hair is going to look like after I cut it, OK?
The Elder: No...my hair is black.

OK, so I wasn't specific enough, but at least I gave him an image of just how short his hair would be. I mean, it was pretty moppy, so there were places that I cut 3 inches off.

We met up with The AP and The Younger, and told The Elder to tell his brother what we were doing with his hair. You know, just trying to reinforce the concept before we do the deed to minimize any freaky-out-ness.

The Elder: Mommy's cutting my hair shorter, like Ethan Colton Kenneth.
The Younger: Mommy's cut my hair BIGGER.

They started going through the DVD racks trying to find which DVD he wanted.

The Younger: I want Walmart & Grandma.
The Elder: I don't want that.
The Younger: Mommy, I want Walmart & Grandma.
Me: We have that at home, let's pick out a different DVD.

They went through a few more before he settled on the DVD he wanted.

It was a great movie! Even the second time we watched it (in the same night). The Elder got a great new haircut and The Younger got half of a haircut. I still haven't finished it more than a week later. Oh well, it's a good thing he has fine straight hair.

Stay Tuned for future posts:

I have had a few moments this past week that could have really been a derailment of my mental stability.
The Elder has The Girlfriend
The Elder has a school to go to next month!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE AP AND THE LOLA!!

Of my list of things to blog about, this post trumphs them all!

2008-07-13T15:09:00.011-04:00

I do keep a running list by my computer for when I do get a chance to blog. However, I do not always remember to write on that list....

Right now I'm enjoying the sound of The Kiddos laughing and squealing and chasing The Skipper Dog. It was not like that earlier today...

Enter The Younger screaming that his brother hurt him (not unusual and typically a fake cry). But this scream had the "I'm not kidding" twang to it, so I jumped up to see what happened.

The Younger: He bite me.
Me: Where?
The Younger: My face.

Sure enough there were teeth marks ON HIS CHEEK!

(this was taken about an hour later. At the time you could literally see purple teethmarks)

Cue: smoke coming out my ears and storming down the hall. Trying to remember that I need to pay more attention to the bitee, I hold The Younger tight and said something comforting like, "You don't deserve this."

I found The Elder in his room trying to explain what happened (which is justifiable in his mind of course). Evidently The Younger was not "following the rules" of whatever they were doing. I told him that it is NEVER acceptable to bite people. I popped him on the bottom even though The Super Doc suggested against it. I did though because he knows I'm serious when I do that. I pull his skivvies down and pat his bottom. I don't have to pop hard for it to make a sound and he actually feels it than if I pop with the same intensity over his pants. He will cry a fake cry and then he calms down as soon as I ask a non-related question. Like a on/off switch. I think The Super Doc just wants us to be consistent.

Me: No more computer.
The Elder: I wasn't on the computer, I was watching TV.
Me: Then no TV or computer. The playroom is closed. Go sit in your room.

I locked the door to the playroom and put a stop sign on the door knob (since the lock is on the outside of the door, he could easily unlock it and open it, but he won't break the rules of stop signs!).

I updated The Hub on what happened. I told him that I popped his bottom and qualified it that we should ONLY do it when he bites because of the severity of the offense and we need to be harder on him when he does it. Usually we will put him in time out, make him apologize to his brother, go over and over what we bite and what we don't bite. Show him the bite, because he is visual, and explain how it hurts, trying to explain empathy, etc. But usually that is it. No real consequences there. Duh. And I wonder why he keeps doing it.

Anyhoo, about a minute afterward, The Elder comes into the kitchen very neutrally and politely asks The Hub to fix his toy (one of the Thomas things he got at his bday party). I stuck to my guns and told him that it was not time for him to leave his room and he needs to go back and stay in his room until we say it is OK. He strips naked, gives me the evil eye, starts down the hall, and throws his clothes in my general direction. I quickly footnote my previous command...

Me: Unless you need to use the bathroom. You may go to the bathroom is you need to.

Whew. I may have headed off a wet mess in his bedroom. The next thing we know, we hear a cry for help.

The Elder: Daddy, I need you to wipe my bottom.

Cue: me pointing and laughing at The Hub! I guess I headed off more than a wet mess.
The Hub comes in my office after his Doody Duty.

The Hub: I think we just hit a major milestone.

Well, he tells me that after The Elder was done, he turned to his brother and said,

"I didn't tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for biting you."
and then
gave.him.a.hug.

Cue: Trumpets sounding behind me while my mouth is gaping wide open. I was literally speechless. I couldn't wait to blog about it.

Fortunately, The Younger is a tough guy, easily forgives, and never skips a beat at making us laugh!

We should close the playroom more often. Check out what we did...all in one day...

Success Sunday: Birthday Adventures

2008-07-13T07:35:00.001-04:00

"That challenge of working through it, keeping guys motivated, keeping the group together, overcoming obstacles, all of that; I really got into it."
--Isiah Thomas

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Monday, July 7, 2008, phone conversation with a friend who happened to call me.

Me: Hey, what are you doing on Wednesday around 3?
The Friend: Nothing, why?
Me: Can you come to the kids' birthday party at the World's Fair Park Fountains?
The Friend: Wow, that sounds fun! What time are you guys getting there?
Me: I don't know. I just decided to have the party last night. You're the first person I've told.
The Friend: Is there a rain plan?
Me: Um, rain?

Yes, I'm the greatest party planner of all time. It was so last minute that I hadn't checked the forecast. I was just so excited to have thought of a public and free location that I was all like "Party On!" (See the sidebar for a picture of The Kiddos at the World's Fair Park Fountains)

I immediately call The Hub.

Me: We're suppose to have scattered thunderstorms all week.
The Hub: We should be ok.
Me: Are you sure?
The Hub: Yeah, we don't need to worry about scattered thunderstorms.
Me: Even though we are going to a water park?
The Hub: Well, it's up to you but we should be fine.
Me: Um, ok.

So the party is ON, and I can officially start inviting people.
(I cracked myself UP with these invites! Of course we had to design them since The Younger was not as complacent as he was last year. He knew he wanted a Dora Party from the beginning. However, most Dora paraphernalia is pretty girlie.)

That gave me time to really enjoy The Elder's birthday with just me and him. I took him to the free family movie flick at the local Regal cinema. We watched Charlotte's Web. I cried. The Elder announced that it was "boring." Which, this time, was translated to mean that he wanted to go to Party City.

I took The Younger to Party City on his birthday after the movie, so I figured I ought to make it a tradition. At least for 2008.
(ADDers have problems with starting traditions. Um, I mean we start LOTS of one-hit-wonder traditions, but they never become traditions!).
We got Patrick and Squidward to add to their Bikini Bottom room. We also got buckets they could use for catching water at the fountains for their birthday party.

Check out how vogue we are:

Click to view entire album

Here's a funny video of The Younger enjoying The Elder's book he got from The Pa Pa for his birthday.

So I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening calling folks to make sure they got the invite and to confirm since it was so last minute. We started on the Goody Bags once I had a RSVP number. (We as in the Royal We. I found the idea online and bought the supplies, but The AP was the artistic one who was able to pull it off.)

Cute, huh?

Wednesday approaches quickly. It seems like I had a million places to be and a million things to do that morning that were not related to birthday parties. In the middle of all of that, I started getting calls left and right.

RSVPers:
"Are you still having the party?" "What's the rain plan?" "Is there an alternative place?" "How about Gatti's?" (gluten & casein zone) "We could go to Chucke Cheese." (ditto)

I'm.freaking.out. BUT trying to be as calm as possible so as not to scare off our RSVPers. I mean, who can throw a party together for 2 boys in 2 days and get 24 people to confirm?

Me:
"We are still on as planned." "We are supposed to get 2 hours of partly cloudy in the afternoon." "We're going to get wet anyway." "There's an amphitheater in the park we can duck under." "Thanks for stickin' with us." "I'll let you know."

I call The Hub who is still very nonchalant about the whole weather thing.

The Hub: It should be ok.
Me: I'm looking at the radar online right now. I'm seeing a lot of Red.
The Hub: Well, it should be breaking up by the time it hits downtown.
Me: I have people calling me wanting to know the deal and I don't know what to tell them. Did you check to see if the amphitheater is open?
The Hub: No I forgot.
Me: Well, go check it. I'm getting the van packed and I'll be on my way.

The.Calls.Don't.Stop.

RSVPers:
"So what's the update?" "Have you see the weather?" "It's raining pretty hard where I am." "There's another line of storms right behind this one." "Well, call me if you move the party." "What are you going to do?"

Me: All I know is that my nerdy husband said everything is ok. The guys at his work have an average age of 100 and all they talk about is the weather, so he has 5 years experience of daily discussions of scenarios and predictions of the weather. So I'm trusting him and the party is still on.....See you there!

I'm feeling pretty confident about the whole thing. No one has threatened to abort. The Kiddos are in the back of the van all excited about the party and we successfully loaded up with everything we needed. We didn't forget to pack a single thing! I was very proud of myself.

So we are almost downtown, when I get a call from The Hub.

The Hub: Well, the amphitheater is open.
Me: Good! We have a back up plan. I can setup up the playhuts for the kids to play in and we can eat and if the weather permits we can run through the fountains.

I'm feeling more and more confident! It was still sprinkling at that point but at least it wasn't pouring.

The Hub: Well, the fountains are off.
Me: WHA...WHA...WHAT?
The Hub: You can tell that they have been on, but I guess they turned them off because of the weather.

silence...except for the sound of my confidence and the kids' hearts breaking.

The Hub: I can drive over to if Volunteer Landing is open.
Me: Ok.

I felt helpless and clueless. We pull into the World's Fair Park parking and I tell The Kiddos and The AP to stay put first and let me check to see if the fountains are on yet.

They weren't.

I saw 2 moms pull in and I tell them what was up.

Blank stares.

Phone rings.

The Hub: The fountains at Volunteer Landing are ON and there is plenty of parking.
Me: Ok then, we are moving the party.

So thank goodness for text messaging. I blasted out a mass message to all of the cell phone numbers I had for the RSVPers.

"moving party to volunteer landing. Park at calhouns on the river."

The Elder: Why are we stopping? Why are we leaving? I want to go to the birthday party.
Me: We are moving to a different place because the fountains are closed here. We are going to go to the other fountains with the waterfall.
The Elder: (gasping with exaggerated excitement) I want to go THERE!
Me: Well, Let's Go!

With the exception of 3 families, I was able to personally contact every RSVPer and successfully communicate to them the change in location. I call The Asst to see if she was still at the house, but she wasn't. Fortunately, my neighbor and best friend who was NOT at the party (tee hee), totally made up for that and ran to my house and gathered the 3 numbers I needed and even CALLED them for me to relay the message. She had to leave 2 messages but by the grace of God they were notified.

By 3:30pm, we had the party going on strong, with each RSVPer accounted for and present!

Go Me. (and my little helper elves)

Click to see entire web album

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Happy Bloggiversary to Me

2008-07-07T17:16:00.002-04:00

Yes! We made it! One year ago today I started this blog dedicated solely for family so that I could post my research as I came to it on the interent.

So many questions have been answered in the last year that we started our research. So many have not, but we have been fortunate enough to have resources and blessings from little angels all around us who encourage us, help us to keep the faith, enjoy our family, and learn to celebrate every aspect of our lives, down to the tiniest things! Little did I know that the blogosphere would open the door to so many who were willing to share, to comfort, to challenge, and to just listen (or read).

We have a long road ahead of us. No different than anyone else's except it is wider to accommodate our supporters. Thanks so much!

Elderese Part VI

2008-07-07T07:59:00.005-04:00

Visit The Hub's blog for other recent funny Elderese moments...
Here's mine for the day...

Me: Do you know when your birthday is?

The Elder: July Wednesday 8th

Me: Are you sure? What day is today?

The Elder: Monday.

Me: Monday the what?

The Elder: Um...1, 2, 3, 4, 5..........6. It's Monday July 6th.

Me: I think maybe the long weekend is throwing you off. Today is the 7th.

The Elder: (long pause and then light bulb) OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH my birthday is July Tuesday 8th.

Me: And is that yesterday?

The Elder: No (to the tune of duh) it is tomorrow!

Me: Do you know what happened on your birthday?

The Elder: I don't know.

Me: Before you were born you were inside my belly and it was very very big. Just like with your brother. Do you remember?

The Elder: I don't know.

Me: Remember he was in my belly and then I went to the hospital and he came out and you came to see me and I said, “This is your brother. Can you say hi?” And you said “Hi.”

The Elder: I don't know.

Me: It was when you were 2 years old.

The Elder: I don't know.

Me: Well when you were born, you were inside my belly and I went to the hospital on July 8th and I puuuuushed you out at 3:05pm.

(I could see him thinking, probably trying to visualize what I just described. I’m curious as to what he was actually imagining. Maybe one of Thomas trains shunting coal cars? Or me pushing him like he pushes his brother?)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: Would you like a new brother or sister?

The Elder: I want a new brother just like me....how abouuuut......Joshua?

Me: Oh that is so sweet. I think he would like that.

The Elder: And we can do slip n slide. But you have to call Joshua and say, "Joshua, can you get your bathing suit please because we are going to have a race with THREE slide and THREE colors and when you say go, you race to get the flag and when you get there first you get the flag and then you go into the whirlpool...THREE whirlpools...there's 3 of them. Then you can go to OUR slip n slide with the hole.

I look at The Hub.

The Hub: Yeah, there's a hole in our slip n slide.

Just for the record, we are NOT planning on having any more children. It would be physiologically impossible. Well, at least 99.9% improbable.

Success Sunday

2008-07-06T14:24:00.008-04:00

"When you think like a child, your imagination is free, and anything is possible."
--Criss Angel

"I think theres a little child in all of us and we all to often forget to let the child out to play."
--Donna A. Favors

"True genius sees with the eyes of a child and thinks with the brain of a genie"
--Puzant Kevork Thomajan

I couldn't pick just one. They were all so relevant. The Elder's birthday is on Tuesday and we have been really slack in planning his birthday party. It is actually both Kiddos party since The Younger was unfortunately born in the month of June when I rarely come up for air. So I thought that I would at least start a list of invitees.

Presenting Elderese Part V and Youngerese Part II. Names have been changed to protect the innocent...

(Pen and paper in hand, ready to record his dictation...)

Me: So who do you want to invite to your party?
The Elder: Ummm...Christian and Eliza, Joshua, Andrew, Ethan, Ethan from church, Oh we forgot Aiden...my new friend...and Grey...
Me: Who else?
The Elder: Um...Mommy!

(I start a 2nd column for me since I don't have to send myself an invitation but glad to know that I have been personally invited.)

The Elder: That's YOUR name!
Me: Who else?
The Elder: Daddy, Lolo & Lola.....Hey! I know! This can be big people and this can be small people! (referring to the 2 different columns I was creating on the list.)
Me: You mean Adults and Kids? (he nods in agreement) Who else?
The Elder: Um the one with the train...and the blue things...at the last place...

(I'm looking at him a little perplexed)

The Elder: Oh...Paul & Zoe's House!!! And their mommy and daddy too (I assume so we can put them on the "big" list)

(There were others on the list that I was recording when The Younger comes in and I ask his opinion.)

Me: Who do want to invite to your party?
The Younger: I want Dora cake.
Me: I know you want a Dora cake and your brother wants a Thomas cake (again). Which friends do you want to be at the party?
The Younger: (holding up 3 fingers...he's so proud to have accomplished this) I want 3 friends.
Me: Just three? Which three?
The Younger: Joshua, Cris, and Cris's friend.
Me: What about your friends?
The Younger: and Grandma.
Me: Anyone from Summer camp? church?
The Younger: and my friend, Dena.

(I write that down snickering and making a mental note to let The Asst that she made the cut.)

Me: Is that all? No friends from church or camp? Like Kara?
The Younger: my friend, Skippy.
Me: Ok, so tell me again who you want to invite.
The Younger: my friend, Joshua, my friend, Cris, my friend, Dena, my friend, Skippy, and my friend, Joshua. (with an extra emphasis on the "ua") That's all my peoples...can share my cake...

So if you or your child didn't make the cut...have your peoples contact our peoples and we will see if we can negotiate...

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Like sands through the hourglass...

2008-06-30T00:16:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Miss Nelson for bringing this to my attention.

Here is the link to the article.

Here is my comment in response to her:

OK, I guess if we are all confessing here, I've watched Days of Our Lives for as long as I can remember. I had to be 5 years old or something. Wow, that is like 30 years of DOOL. Yes, I also was a fan of Another World.

BTW, for DOOL fans present and past, I discovered www.soapoperafan.com when I was in college (then it was dustinsdays.com, since then it has greatly evolved). Now I just use it to get the cliff notes version of the episodes. My favorite to keep up with though are Dustin's Thoughts. It is what we are all thinking when we watch these crazy shows.

I do hope they make it general enough to cover the bases of how autism looks like in different children. Maybe Theo can have a friend or two who have autism too (maybe in a classroom setting). Then they can show the different perspectives of the spectrum and maybe even a playdate to see how parents react differently and continue to react differently.

Hey! I should make my own post on my blog about this! Thanks! I'll link to you.

And so I did.

I find it so interesting how the autism community can band together so well, yet have completely different theories and opinions about the disorder itself. We all have different strategies to deal with the changes that are inevitable in our lives. We all take the different paths from "reading everything you can" to "take it as it comes" and it all leads us into this common comforting bond of empathy, despite the many differences that a "spectrum" implies. We may not always agree on the issues that are the controversial hot topics of the day, week, or season, but there is always an understanding of the variety of emotions we all undergo, a recognition of how much we love our children and want what's best for them, the validation of the "normalcy" of the off-days, and the celebrations we have for each other in times of triumph and marking milestones.

At least that is my perspective since joining the community...

What do you think?
Talk Amongst Yourselves...

P.S. 10 Points to the first person who notices what's different about my theme.

Success Sunday: An Anniversary

2008-06-29T08:13:00.004-04:00

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained."
--Marie Curie

One year ago today, we got the official diagnosis of ASD for The Elder. As we drove home, I was experiencing a mixture of relief and shock. Both emotions came as a result of his misdiagnosis from a previous psychologist that we saw during the interim of waiting to "get in" to see Dr. A. Up until the point that the previous psych(o) told us that he did not have ASD, I was not yet convinced that that was indeed what The Elder had. But at the sound of her opinion, I was just as shocked at my shock and gut reaction that she was wrong. For 6 months we had been told that ASD was the root of our issues. For 2 of those months I was in major denial but put in a request to see Dr. A ONLY so that he could rule it out and we could find out what was the real answer. I am so glad I didn't listen to our OT who told us to just cancel our appointment with him since we already got a diagnosis. I didn't mostly because I'm stubborn and was not going to cancel after it had been so long that we were on the waiting list (4 months). June 29, 2007, was a turning point in my life. In the last year, I have gone from a confused, insecure, depressed mother, to a happy, confident mentor and guide for both of my children (all three?). I still surprise myself every once in a while when I do something smart. I know what "mommy instinct" is now and recognize it for what it is. It was the gift that I didn't think I had, but had all along. Kinda like my Ruby Slippers.

I admit that one year ago, I thought my life had been flipped upside down. But in reality, it had been turned right side up and we all have been happier, better people because of it.

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Slip sliding away...

2008-06-25T14:26:00.003-04:00

There I am again with the musical titles. Folks at the meeting laugh at me because I'll be dancing and not even know it! I guess I hear my own music in my head...all.the.time.

Anyhoo, here are the pictures from today's fun with the Slip n Slide. Thanks to The GodMa for the gift!

AND it doubles as a water sprinkler for our crunchy grass. Fun AND Functional. Look how we've got The Younger at work.

"Put it on ALL the brown grass, ok?"

Hey! A lesson in colors too! WOW! What a Perfect Gift for the Whole Family!

Here are other pix from The GodMa's visit for The Younger's birthday. His favorite...cleaning supplies!

"Wordless" Wednesday: How we knew he was ready for big boy underwear at night...

2008-06-18T07:18:00.001-04:00

Elderese Part IV: The Birthday Surprise

2008-06-17T19:23:00.006-04:00

Me: Hey. It's your brother's birthday.
The Elder: Oh, Happy Birthday. (followed by the one-armed hug)

Awwww, how sweet!

----------------------------------
The Teacher went to visit The Elder today as a part of ABA at his VBS.

Me: Did you see your teacher today at VBS?
The Elder: Yes.
Me: What did she say?
The Elder: She said Hi.

Duh.

----------------------------------
I took The Younger to the Free Family Movie at the Regal. It was Happy Feet. I've yet to see it all the way through so I was excited about it (I still haven't seen it all the way through...that's a big drawback about potty training). It was really really nice to have him all to myself. It has been a long time. After the movie, I stopped by Party City because I wanted to get him an Echo Mic since he likes to sing so much. And I figured I could get him a balloon too. Well we looked around and got him a Dora plate (better than getting the whole kitchen!) and then got his brother the Diego plate.

Then I saw this glorious Red and Yellow tag that called out to me, "Come to me...Come and receive these items a FIFTY PERCENT OFF....You cannot resist the Mango (and Red) tag." So of course I was drawn to that aisle. Well The Younger got so excited when we spotted the perfect gift, and when I saw how cheap they were after the discount, I had to get it. The Younger didn't even know what it was but he agreed to it anyway (so no balloon, but I think it was a great compromise...especially since I didn't tell him I was going to get him a balloon). So once The AP had put The Younger down for his nap and I checked to make sure he was snoring (the signal that we can talk at normal to above volume levels without disturbing his slumber), the two of us plus The Elder snuck around the room with him laying in the bed, and us crawling over him, and the stapler going off.....and created this for him to wake up to...

He woke up near the end but was extremely cranky and had his back to the wall so even if he could see through the screaming and tears, I'm not sure he saw the Bikini Bottom transformation...

The AP took him to Toys R Us to let him pick out his present and while they were gone The Elder help me do the rest with the clean up and furniture. Once everything was cleaned up and presentable, I went to get my camera to take some pictures. When I came back, The Elder says to me:

The Elder: Mommy, what happened to the sky?
Me: The sky? what do you mean sky?
The Elder: The sky. Up there. The sky that is up there.
Me: That's not sky, hunny. That's the ocean. Remember we are underwater.
The Elder: (nonchalantly, to a subtle tune of "you idiot") No we are not. We are in a house. Remember?

Of course...what was I thinking? Not literal enough evidently..

Well here is the picture of when The Younger came home and we had the Grand Reveal:

Here is the Final Product:

And believe it or not...THIS is the birthday boy...

Could he BE any cuter? (or look more like his brother?)

Check out the entire birthday photo package:

Three Cheers for The Younger!!

2008-06-17T06:59:00.000-04:00

Hip hip HOORAY!!

Today is The Younger's 3rd birthday! Even though it is June I am taking the day off to take him to the Free Family Movie at the Regal Cinemas. The Elder has VBS this week so there is no summer camp and since The Younger is only three >sniff< he does not qualify for VBS placement. Humph! Well, that just means I get him all to myself! and Vice Versa. Yesterday The Gma came and picked him up and spent the day with him. When she came to drop him off he was zonked out in the back seat. She wanted to take The Elder to the train tracks so I picked the little guy up out of the car seat. He briefly awoken only to plop his head right back on my shoulder (this is unheard of! Usually he flails in fits of anger for disturbing his slumber). And then I brought him to his bed and laid him down gently. He open his eyes and then rolled over and went back to sleep and didn't wake up until this morning. I guess he couldn't wait for it to be his birthday.

When I asked The Elder what he wanted to get his brother for his birthday, he thought briefly and then said, "His Toy Kitchen" which is what he (The Younger) is trying to earn. I thought that was so sweet for him to think of something that his brother would want versus something that he would want (The Elder's choice is the Batter batter Baseball). I thought about going ahead and getting their prizes that they are earning just in case they sell out or go up in price and I just haven't done it yet. I was really hoping that they would have earned their tickets by now, but after a while the tickets started losing their charm. Thought about going to the marble system according to one of my speech pathologist friends. Well, we do have a gift for him, unfortunately it is not his toy kitchen, but he will love it nonetheless...I hope. Well, I hope he doesn't ever see that this even exists. He won't be satisfied with anything then...Yes, he is in love with Dora. Too bad all the underpants for that show are pink and lacey, and thank goodness they are in the girls department or we just might have to fight him to the death if he ever saw them.

Well, in exactly 3 weeks The Elder will be 5 and we will be planning their joint birthday party. Until The Younger gets him some friends, he will continue to share a party with The Elder! >sigh< Bounce House type of place.

My babies are growing up TOO FAST!

Success Sunday

2008-06-15T10:01:00.003-04:00

"Without perseverance talent is a barren bed"
--Welsh Proverb

I think sometimes we "hide" our talents because of many reasons. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success thus fear of responsibility, and sometimes because of apathy or the perception that a talent is not important enough to pursue. This is sad to me, especially when I catch myself doing it. God gave us each a talent (or talents) for a reason. Not to keep to ourselves but to share with others. And perseverance allows that talent to be fruitful.

I don't normally blog about my business here. I have a unit training blog specifically for that. But as I face the last 2 weeks of our business year, staring at the goals in front of me. Seeing how close we are to some and how far we are from others and deciding which direction do I put my effort into. How often do I compromise my leadership talent because of the fears I've listed above? How often do I get distracted from what really matters? Our unit's success or failure, or the lives I enrich or touch...why can't it be both?

I'm rambling because I'm thinking of a lady that I met for the second time last night. Last January, my scheduler booked her for an appointment through a bridal contract I have with a local bridal company. This lady canceled on me FOUR times. I wasn't too worried about it though because she lived over an hour away from me and frankly, I didn't want to drive that far (Oh, the shame). Finally last month I met with her in person (by this point we practically were "best friends" from talking on the phone so much for 5 months, and realizing that we're both from South Carolina). In these phone conversations we discussed how hard she works and the day before I was to visit her, I called to confirm and she barely had a voice because she had worked so hard that week. I gave her the choice of holding the appointment versus postponing. Maybe it was because she knew she needed some down time. Maybe it was because she felt bad that she kept canceling on me. I'm not sure, but she told me to come on over. I drove all the way out there and none of her friends showed up so it was just me and her and it gave me time to totally focus on just her. I wasn't shocked when I saw this lady for the first time. She looked very tired, her face looked drawn, her hair sprinkled with "stress" grays. What did shock me was that we were the same age. I don't mean anything bad by saying that. But it was my honest first reaction when I saw her DOB on her paperwork. She admitted that she hadn't taken the time to take care of herself like so many of us often do. Now, this is my favorite part of my job...when people realize that they need and deserve to feel pampered, and then they allow it. Before I left, she was smiling and happy. She didn't have to spend one dime with me to have made the trip worth it to me. Her glow was enough.

Yesterday I went to visit her again for her follow-up. She is getting married in 2 weeks so she wanted me to customized a glamour look for her. When she opened the door, she was like a new woman. She immediately welcomed me in with a smile, raving about how happy she was with her skin. She looked AMAZING after her makeover. I mean, after a month of taking care of her skin, and then with the makeup she literally looked 10 years younger. One of her friends came over and talked about how much better she looked (confessing that she often inadvertently blurts things out but means it as a compliment.lol), saying she was jealous! Her crows feet were gone, her eyes looked brighter, and the texture and tone of her skin looked flawless! If it wasn't for anonymity reasons I would post her "after" picture here.

So back to my point...I persevered with this lead much longer than I normally would have in the past. I attribute it to being more organized with a new client management system, treating my ADHD, and text messaging (lol - it allows me to multitask and for some reason most people prefer to communicate this way). How easy would it have been for me to have just not called her back? Very easy. And at times, very tempting. But of all the postponements and cancellations I have had in the last 6 months, she was the only person that I persevered with until I "crossed the finish line" and finally met with her. And it was totally worth it. Not because I made over 300 in profit (well...that part was nice too...hey, this IS how I make my living), but because I made a friend. I think she made me feel better than I made her feel. Because of this lady's integrity to meet with me and her love for our products...our unit has met the halfway milestone for the month (today is the 15th). As a matter of fact we have surpassed it.

So yes, why can't it be both? That is success to me.

Makes me wish that I have persevered with the other cancellations. Those situations remain unfruitful or as the proverb above says "barren."

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Once was lost...Now is FOUND!

2008-06-12T07:59:00.004-04:00

Remember this post?

Well, as The Hub was trying to pry open the fireproof safe that somebody (read: persons less than 4 feet tall - hey! that does NOT include me! I'm less than FIVE, thank you very much) inadvertantly locked and threw away the key (and why did we think fine motor skills was such a big deal for them to accomplish so early in life?), he came across the frame that I referred to in the said post and surprised me with it in the most uneventful way.

The Hub: (hands me the frame) The key has gone missing, I'll have to get creative.
Me: (confused trying to make the connection between the 2 things I've just heard/seen) Thanks!! (internal happy dance, external look of still a little confused) What key are you talking about?

Ahhh, falling in mutual weirdness is grand...

I didn't get too many comments on the last post regarding what analogy YOU use for how you view life, therefore I will again ask that question to my readers and invite you to share here your deep thoughts. So as promised, to you and to me, here is the essay:

My Analogy to Life

Have you ever put a puzzle together? ---One of those with a hundred million pieces? Most people (at least I do) begin to assemble the border first. You search and search the box looking for those edge pieces until finally you've created the "frame" for the big picture. You can see part of the picture but not enough to know what it is. But, once you have an idea of what is in store for you, you prepare yourself to tackle the puzzle.

Soon you begin to search the box again for the missing pieces. Usually, sorting is the most efficient way. You put all the "sky" pieces in one pile and all of the "grass" ones in another. Here is the stack of red bricks and over there are all the mountain pieces. Then you have a pile for those "what-in-the-world-are-these?" pieces.

Some parts of the puzzle are more fun or easier to put together than others. For instance, assembling a rosebush or fence is not as challenging as connecting a whole bunch of solid black shapes of a midnight sky or shadow. But, you have to do both if you ever want the picture to be whole.

Initially, there are some pieces already put together for you when you open the box. Other pieces just seem to fall together right away. Then, sometimes you get two pieces that seem to fit, and you are convinced for a while until you find the piece that actually goes there. You become confused and finally realize that you were wrong and correct your mistake. The next time you think you've matched two pieces, you tend to be skeptical, testing it a few times before feeling comfortable with your decision. Often it is frustrating, and you feel as if you'll never never find a match, but always remember that somewhere in that box is the one and only piece that will fit. You will find it -- if you are patient. And, eventually, you discover what those "what-in-the-world-are-these?" pieces are. Many times it may surprise you!

[colorful graphic of a 3x3 puzzle with these words in each of the puzzle pieces: Charity, Career, Religion, Spouse, Relationships, Personal, Health, Social, Family]

It may take a short time, or it may take a long time to complete the picture. Unfortunately, some people never finish at all. They just leave it on the dining room table with missing areas.

Depending on how much effort you put into it, and other times, on how lucky you get, all of the pieces will come together in due time. Then what you have left is something beautiful to look back upon.

JLP (1994/1996)

OK, so I was not 12 when I wrote this, BUT I certainly wasn't at the peak of maturity either.

I mean...Yes...I was 12 in 1996...(eyes darting from side-to-side)...that would only make me 24 years old...ok, it's all coming back to me now...yes...12...I do believe that was exactly my age back then.

dd ...Oh, life could be a dream, sweetheart... pp

It looks like I had revised it too. 1994 was the year that The Hub and I met and 1996 is the year that we were married so evidently there was some quasi-mature, perhaps experience-based content in there. If I had to update it again based on my (still quasi-mature) perception of life since then, I would probably add:

that we go through multiple boxes of different puzzles: different degrees of difficulty, different sizes/number of pieces, different themes, create-your-own-puzzles, etc.
that even opening the box can be a challenge (remember the brown paper tape seal they used to use back then...when I was 12...)
that the puzzle sometimes gets taken apart (or rolled up now since they have invented these) and put back together at a later time
Sometimes we complete a puzzle and then pass it to someone else to share it.
that motivation when looking at an overwhelming number of pieces can be hard to muster up
that some people don't even know what puzzles are available, or have never even attempted to put one together because of lack of time, focus, motivation, and similar excuses.
Sometimes we pitch in and help others with their puzzles.
Sometimes we do too much of others puzzles, leaving them with very little left for them to do on their own.
Pieces can permanently get lost (how depressing), or someone can steal a piece on purpose so that you cannot complete your puzzle. (Solution...go to the store and get another one.)
Sometimes we put together a puzzle and don't like what we see! And sometimes despite that, we have a hard time letting it go because we spent so much time putting it together and we keep it, maybe even laminate it so it will stay in tact, but perhaps put it in the closet or under the bed or in storage...somewhere where we might stumble upon it later, get reminded of how awful the picture really is...burn it...better yet recycle it and do something good with it! =o)

Gosh, I think I might be able to go on and on with this. It was kinda fun. Again, please add your deep thoughts, either your current analogy to life, or other metaphors of a puzzle.

Enjoy!

Nothing about Nothing IV

2008-06-11T14:07:00.003-04:00

Here is an excerpt from a comment I posted on a friend's blog which is dedicated to documenting their adventures of their first child who just turned 4 months:

"Those CHEEKS!!! Filling out, eh?

To add on to T's comment about when life changes:

- At mobility - Yay, because you don't have to carry them around anymore when they are 30lbs (of course ours might still be that seeing they are in the 10th percentile!). Boo, because you have to nail everything to the floor and glue the cabinets and drawers shut.

- When they start talking - Yay, because you don't have to try to mind-read anymore. Boo, because they either don't shut up, embarrass you in public, or they start talking back and put YOU in time out!

- When they potty train - Yay, because you don't have to pack a diaper bag that weighs more than the baby anymore. Boo, because you have to get up more frequently to take them to the bathroom (in the middle of movies and on long drives).

That's as far as I can go without going into theory! Cheers! Enjoy and you'll be so thankful that you have documented this so well. Be sure that you do the same with subsequent kids. They always get screwed..."

Would love to hear what others who have gone before me can ~~warn me about~~ tell me what I can look forward to in future milestones!

Success Sunday: Double Header

2008-06-08T11:38:00.003-04:00

"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year."
--Paul Sweeney

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
--Unknown

I wanted to send out a Happy Anniversary wish to The Hub in the most 'weird' way. Today marks 12 years since we uttered "til death do us part." When I look back on the last year with what we have learn together, I couldn't be happier or more in love. Some folks might view ASD as a burden, but I feel that the diagnosis actually lifted the burden of the breakdown in communication. I have to say that this is so far my most proud anniversary....NOT because of what we have accomplished this past year, but what we persevered through in the first 11 years!

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Alex - the vote heard 'round the world

2008-06-04T20:23:00.005-04:00

I have been doing a lot of reading on my Treo which does not allow posting or commenting, well at least not easily, because of a security issue so it warns you about 10-12 times before letting you can get to the screen to post a comment. Many times I'll start putting a comment and then it would erase it. sigh...

My last few posts were posts that I felt like I either needed to do (like Success Sunday) or because if I didn't, I would forget a personal incident before I had a chance to blog about it.

What I lament the most about not blogging lately is being behind at making my readers aware of news in the autism community. If you are in the autism community then this is not news. But I found a comprehensive list of readings from 2 blogs to catch you up on Alex Barton. Remember that posts are listed in reverse chronological order so to get the full scoop you have to scroll to the bottom to read it in order. Thanks to Angela and Bev (and others) for your advocacy.

http://memoirsofachaoticmommy.blogspot.com/search/label/Alex%20Barton
http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com/search/label/Alex%20Barton

There are so many reasons why this bothers me. Maybe because I have an almost 5-year old. Maybe because I knew that I didn't want to send him to kindergarten next year. Maybe because I'm so deluded by the blessings we have received from The Teacher and not the The Gymnast (the new gymnastics teacher). Shoot the blessings we have received from just about everyone I've come into contact with since the beginning. The blessings of early intervention. I shudder to think where we would be right now if we hadn't had the privilege of having little angels looking over us.

I recently spoke to a family friend whose 8yo son has ASD and is mainstreamed. They are still having issues because he didn't "show signs" until he was four. So now without proper therapy and funding this poor child (and parents) are having a much more difficult time with this than they should if they were only provided with the care. Much of which is denied because of lack of awareness by both the medical and school professionals.

One of the biggest concerns we have as parents of special needs children is for them to be accepted as who they are. To be understood, and not to be judged. We do not need teachers to teach bigotry in kindergarten. Who give 5 year olds the permission and the power to demean another child. Towards anyone, but especially those who cannot necessarily defend themselves. We trust our children to teachers for a large portion of the day...

It just makes me sad and angry. I'm glad I finally got to blog on this, even if it isn't as nasty as I originally had it in my head.

Success Sunday

2008-06-02T13:37:00.002-04:00

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."
--G.B. Shaw, Mrs. Warren's Profession, 1893

This month I'm going to focus on Perseverance for my quotes (even if they are a day late...I didn't give up!). June is the last month of our year and I'm going to need a lot of stamina to run the race to the finish. Perseverance is something I'll need to remind myself of every week!

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Youngerese

2008-05-28T20:36:00.005-04:00

OK, let's get the scenario setup properly. You will need to know the following facts to fully appreciate this post...

Fact 1: I sneak around in the mornings that The AP has the kids so that I can leave the house without a 2 year old hanging off my leg.

Fact 2: He knows the sound of my voice, but does not know the sound of my footsteps (when I'm barefoot, he knows what heels on the stairs sound like and he knows that they are my footsteps). I always go down the stairs barefoot (for the reason above and the fact that stairs in heels are a bit challenging).

Fact 3: When you go down the stairs to the basement level, you come to a "landing" foyer type area at the bottom of the stairs. If you turn right, you walk into the family room area (toy landfill) and if you turn left you are in The Asst's office.

Fact 4: The Skipperdoodle was acting rather strange last night. He laid beside the bed (right where I would step on him if I had to get up to pee) which he has never done. He was acting a little stressed and even kept his head perched up as he lay there for a while before he finally put his head down. This was like 2am and it bothered me. I even woke up The Hub saying "I wonder if he is protecting us from something?"

Fact 5: My National and I were playing phone tag since 9am trying to finish a conversation that started last night. I was texting The Hub and The Asst at the same time trying to find something I needed for my client so I could get my butt out the door so I would only be 1 minute late for my 10:30 appointment.

Fact 6: The Younger is doing great at potty training and is very proud of himself when he "makes" it, and very upset at himself when he "misses."

OK, I think that is enough background information to get this story going...

The Scene: In The Asst's office in the basement, with only the lights at the "landing" on. I'm sneaking around so that The Younger cannot hear that I'm on the same floor as he is.

Me: (texting The Asst) do we hv anymore plat cust compacts? Not in inv closet.
Me: (texting The Hub) where r the boppy pix?

ding, ding, ding, ding (incoming text alarms) Back and forth brainstorming of where it could be. Succumbing to the fact that I will not be able to find it before I leave for my 10:30.

The Asst: (texting me) did u look in the big inv closet?

Duh, that is where we keep all the frilly things that she makes pretty gift baskets with (I'm not that talented) and of course...discontinued and limited-edition inventory that I haven't sold yet! She's brilliant!

So I walk over there (on the other side of the office than the lighted landing where my regular-line inventory is) and I feel something wet on my foot. I turn on the light to the big closet to my disgust.

I instantly figured out that THAT was why The Skipper Dog was acting so weird last night. Not only did he feel guilty that he poop on the carpet, but he obviously wasn't feeling well either. It was in random locations in about a 5 foot radius. Sorta spread out like land mines...you never know what you're gonna get, so I just stayed put and called out to The AP.

The AP: Yes?
Me: Can you get me a paper towel or something?
The Younger: MOMMY!!!!
Me: (to myself) Oh boy, I'm really gonna be late now.
The AP: What happened?
Me: Skip had an accident and I stepped in it so I didn't want to spread it all over the house.
The Younger: Mommy! I pee peed and poo pooed in the potty!
Me: You did??? That is great! I'm so proud of you!!

He comes skipping toward me to get his "I'm so proud of you" hug, and I stop him with an abrupt scream.

Me: Watch out! Yucky here!
The Younger: I pee peed and poo pooed in the BIG potty!
Me: All right, good job!!!
The Younger: (clapping and jumping up and down, yet not all in one place. This would be his version of the happy dance, but it was stressing me out how close he was to what may or may not be poop.)
Me: Now stay right there, don't come any closer. Can you turn on the light for me?
The Younger: I can't reach.
Me: Ask Brother to help you.
The Younger: Brother! I need your help.
The Elder: I'm sorry, I'm watching TV right now.
The Younger: Mommy needs light on.
The Elder: Mommy? Mommy's here? MOMMY! (as he comes running around the corner) (He learned that from The Younger, but I love it to pieces, even if it is an if...then scripted reaction.)
Me: Careful!! There's a big mess!
The Elder: What is it?
Me: It's poo poo and it is everywhere.

That was enough to send him right back to the TV. No, sir! Not interested in that at all.
The Younger had found a box or stool or something (he's pretty resourceful) to stand on to turn the lights on. He immediately sees the poop everywhere on the carpet and looks at me sternly...

The Younger: Mommy, you not poo poo in the potty!!!

ROFL!!! I was just waiting for him to send me to time out. Luckily The AP showed up with tissue, paper towels and spray cleaner and I got to wipe my foot off and started working on the carpet. She insisted that I go because she knew I was going to be late, and I was like, this isn't exactly in your job description. But she insisted so I was able to get upstairs to properly sanitize my foot with boiling water, antibacterial soap, and rubbing alcohol.

End of Scene: 10:30am, in the car, calling my client apologizing and that I'm on my way. Fortunately she has a dog and could empathize. Unfortunately, I still hadn't found her a compact!

Success Sunday

2008-05-25T19:33:00.002-04:00

"...you will not find that passion in things...and you will not find that passion in money...because the more things and the more money you have, the more you will just look around and use that as the metric and there will always be someone with more. So your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside..."
--Randy Pausch

Remember Randy? He's still around and living life to its fullest, giving inspiration, motivation and hope to everyone he influences! Check out this video...

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

I Lost My Noggin

2008-05-23T23:25:00.008-04:00

This post could be effectively named "Elderese Part III." However I thought this title was much more entertaining.

This is an audio clip of a conversation I had today. The audio clip is actually 3 pieces of the conversation merged together (check out my Mad Mixing Skillz). There is some background robotic noises because I had to filter out some static but trust me it sounds better than it did. I'm not going to transcribe the whole thing so you have to listen to it. Some names have been "wah wah"-ed to protect the innocent. Unfortunately, you know exactly who I am and what I am guilty of by the end of the clip....

Click here to download and you can follow along with the script excerpt below.

The Scene: At my computer having a phone conversation with my good friend (at least I hope she is still my friend after posting this)

Act I: Creating a teaching opportunity (mainly because of convenience and laziness...can't you see I'm on the phone?)

The Elder: I lost my Noggin...I lost it...

[...]

Me: I should have put it in your name. I might have...

[...]

(aside: don't even try to spam me!)

[...]

Me: Alright?
The Elder: OK.
Me: If it doesn't work then come get me, alright?
The Elder: (nods yes and in a flash went from "pity me" to "cool! I've got the password!")
Me: I love you!
The Elder: love you...
Me: Awwww

[...]

Me: Well you know, he IS almost 12.
[...]
Me: And you need to update your blog, crazy lady (yeah, like I have room to talk on that one...)

Act II: Passage of time

Fades Out
Fades In to the tail end of a part of the conversation where we were trying to figure out who gave whom what virus and when. (Conclusion: our family gave her family the cooties. Whoops!)

Just then, The Elder returns to my office...

The Elder: It doesn't work...

[...]

The Elder: What's this one?
Me: Dot
The Elder: No not that. That one.
Me: Let me check

[...]

Super-fast passage of time.

I think I cut a minute and a half of silence. At least my friend wasn't talking bad about me to her dog while she was on hold. What a friend! Geesh, she should get the friend-award for just staying on the line for a minute and a half for me to get back in the room!

Act III: The Aftermath

Me: You wouldn't believe what he did...
[...]
Me: It did look like an r. (because of my crappy handwriting!)
[...]
Me: I don't even know how to blog on that...
[...]
Friend: Oh... (surprised with a hint of fear and uneasiness in her voice)
Me: You know what? That's really rude of me. I should tell people that [...]
[...]
Friend: Oh, wow... (said as if she was REALLY thinking, "I'm sweating bullets here with anxiety as I contemplate if I'll ever call you again in my entire life...BUT I will appear to be interested and intrigued.")

I have officially incriminated myself. If you got this far without listening to the audio clip, I bet you are wondering what in the world I'm talking about. It's a less-than-6-minute clip. Find Out What Jen Did. (duhn duHn DUHN- to the tune of Dragnet)

To defend my honor, it was a bonus when I purchased something else from the same website. So it isn't like I went out to find it NOR did I pay for it. Thus, easily forgotten. I had originally had it running because a girlfriend of mine was having some issues with a mutual acquaintance who seemed "out of character" and said some rather horrible things to her. Not I-got-my-period kind of snippy, but major accusations which were grossly inaccurate. So obviously I kept it handy in the event that came around to me, which it hasn't yet, but I haven't let my guard down yet. For them it has turned into a kind of "she said, she said" ordeal, and if I do have the displeasure of experiencing that for myself (odds are good), it would be her word against her own word.

Elderese Part II

2008-05-23T12:12:00.003-04:00

The Scene: Mommy's bathroom just after I got out the shower

I hear someone running down the hall, open and slam the door of my room, and, just as I predicted, coming towards the bathroom. I put my foot to the base of the door so whoever it was couldn't just barge in.

The Elder: (wiggles the door handle) Um, Excuse Me...
Me: (quiet)
The Elder: (knocks on the door gently) Excuse me...
Me: Yes?
The Elder: Can I have my glasses, please?
Me: (spotting his glasses on my counter top) Why sure!

I open the door, hand him his glasses, and he loyally says "thanks" as he hollars to The AP, "I found them!!"

So what's the big deal?

He observed proper social etiquette when approaching a closed door (well, once he realized it was "locked")
The volume of his voice was at a normal level and not at 90 decibels.
He used polite words without being prompted (remember I said nothing to him), and immediately said thanks in response to my giving him what he wanted.
His syntax was perfect the first time it came out of his mouth! I didn't have to correct him and he didn't have to correct himself!
His sentence was spoken with a "typical" conversation flow and inflection.

Wow! Preschool is amazing. I am glad that he gets to go to a transition class for him to practice consistency in these social skills, but I wonder how well he would do if I did send him straight to Kindergarten. You know how kids behave much better in a structured environment as opposed to at home. Not that home is chaotic, but...oh, wait,...it is. Never mind.

--------------------------------------------------

The Scene: In the car running errands.

Act I: In the Neighborhood

The Elder: Hey, it the recycle truck!
The Younger: No! It's Trash Truck..
The Elder: No, the trash truck is blue and it's big and it's little. The recycle truck is green and it's only big.
The Younger: i...i...i...it's recycle? (he is still stuttering on occasion but it is not as frequent)
The Elder: You're right. Good job.

Our Trash service has a regular Trash Truck (big) as like the "hub" of the neighborhood, and then smaller satellite pick-up trucks that serve as dump trucks buzzing around picking up trash and then usually they meet up at the Mother Truck and empty their bed in our cul-de-sac in front of our house and The Kiddos love to watch this every Friday.

Act II: At the Traffic Light

The Elder: Are we going to the bank?
Me: Yes.
The Elder: I think you're going the wrong way.
Me: Really?
The Elder: Yes, I think you need to turn right.
Me: I am turning right.
The Elder: Oohhh, OK.

Not sure if he realizes yet that there are different turn lanes at lights.

The Elder: Mommy, I need to go to the store.
Me: We are going to the bank.
The Elder: (smiling and shaking his head as if to say, 'silly mommy') No...the bank is not for buying. The bank is for delivery.

I was impressed that he got the connection. Well, I did tell him that we had to go to the bank and then go make a delivery as two separate errands, but his statement was very true.

Act III: At the Bank waiting in line at the Drive-Thru

The Younger: I wanna go to bank...get lollipop.
The Elder: We are at the bank.
The Younger: No! its store.
The Elder: No it's the bank. See? (I assume he is pointing at the building)
The Younger: No! Not bank!
The Elder: Mommy, he says this is a store!

What's the big deal?

He asked me to intervene instead of taking it into his own hands (and/or feet) and attacking his brother across the car seats. I'm always telling him that when he feels frustrated to call me so I can help him handle it.
Not sure he was even frustrated since his call for intervention was again a simple statement and not a 90 decibel announcement with his face on the verge of massive implosion.

Me: It is not a store, it is the bank.
The Elder: (to The Younger) See? When you are inside the bank, you stand in line and you buy a lollipop. When you are outside, you drive your car to this thing and then you...buy a lollipop.

That was an expensive lollipop...

I owe you pictures

2008-05-19T09:38:00.008-04:00

I got a new high density card that isn't recognized by my computer! So I have about 2 months worth of photos on my cam that I couldn't download and share. Now that I have a new card reader I can deliver what I owe!

Pictures from the Beach

The reason why they say you should say "Bunny" instead of "Cheese."

You can also get a visual of the stairs that I refer to in my last post.

Enjoy this video of The Younger's most recent feet...I mean feat...

--------------------------------------------------
And now for something completely different...the dramatic re-enactment of yesterday's feat...

The Scene: I am in the master bathroom with less than nothing on getting ready to shower.

The Younger: Mommy, I want to shower with you.

aside: he had been playing outside all day so I would guarantee that he was clean before going to bed.

Me: OK.

The Younger: (undresses with a silent and blank stare and then abruptly announces) I need to go poo poo.
Me: You do? In your little potty or in the big potty?
The Younger: The big potty.

I carried him to the toilet and gave him a stool for him to hold on to so he didn't feel like he was going to fall in.

The Younger: It's not working.
Me: Well, just sit and relax.
The Younger: (begins to dismount, then quickly repositions himself on the pot) It's working!
Me: Yay! (after "the wipe") Now, go tell Daddy and tell him to come here and see!

(fade out: pitter patter of feet)

aside: after yesterday's post I was soooo tempted to get the camera!

(fade in: pitter patter of feet)

Me: Is Daddy coming?
The Younger: No.
Me: Well tell him to come here.
The Younger: I have to pee pee.
Me: Oh Ok.

I helped him up onto the potty again.

The Younger: I pee pee AND poo poo in the big potty!
Me: Yay! I'm so proud of you. OK, now go get daddy!

(fade out: pitter patter of feet)
(fade in: pitter patter of feet)

Me: Where's daddy?
The Younger: (with sense of urgency in his voice) In the kitchen.
Me: Did you tell him to come here?
The Younger: No, I have to poo poo again.

For the third and final time, I replace him on the potty and he finished the job!

Me: Stay right there, don't move. I'll go get Daddy.

I'm standing at the master bedroom door, naked, half-hiding behind the door, yelling to the kitchen at the other end of the house.

Me: Daddy, come here!

Daddy quickly approaches as if he had an extinguisher in his hand to put out some fire.

The Hub: What's the matter?
Me: Tell Daddy what you did.
The Younger: I pee pee and poo poo in the big potty.

applause
standing ovation

The End

Success Sunday

2008-05-18T08:42:00.010-04:00

"What does (s)he have that I don't have or can't get fixed?"
--unknown

This is one of those *giggle* quotes. I have no idea who said it first but I've heard it regularly since becoming an entrepreneur. I love it. I was chatting with a gal in Arizona this morning and thinking about this quote. We were encouraging each other and the thought came across my keyboard...keep working...I may not get the exact results I am looking for, but God always rewards perseverance! So instead of focusing on what you don't have, can't do, can't find (tee hee), etc., I pray that you will focus on solutions, ideas, and delegation! Happy Sunday!

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

______________________________________________

I thought that I would also include an update on this post since I have improved from 2 weeks to 1 week between each post!

The Kiddos, The AP and I went to Myrtle Beach, SC. Before you think, oooooo-aaaaaahhhhhh, vacation...I'm jealous. It was a business trip. I also wanted to see my mom for mother's day and both of my parents before they left for the Philippines for a month. I did play hookie on one meeting and went to the beach. BUT it was cold, windy, and not that much fun. But at least I got to take some great pictures of The Kiddos. It was funny because The Younger was in a jacket, I was in jeans, a jacket, with a towel wrapped around me to keep warmer, and The AP was in a bikini. She was determined to get a tan! The Elder didn't mention if he was cold or not...

I did have my bikini under my layers and layers of clothing. I was so excited too because I finally looked decent in one after 5 years of motherhood. It's a combination between new meds, better diet, and a free coupon to the American Laser Center! I decided to treat myself with a new technology that "fixed" what "she" had that I didn't have! (Ha! I didn't plan that connection) I've worn the same bikini bottoms (dd SpongeBob Squarepants....Sponge...Bob....Square....Pants! *nose flute* pp) (<- those are notes by the way...someone asked me that once) (can you tell I haven't taken my meds this morning?) (Hold on and I'll go do that right now...) (OK, where was I? Oh yeah!) for each treatment as a goal. And after 4 treatments I look fabulous if I do say so myself. The Hub even notices...wassupwidat? I still have 2 treatments left but I'm going to save them for later. We are going on a cruise in December and I might need a boost after Thanksgiving dinner!

Anyhoo, I did get great picture of The Kiddos on the beach though. I'll link to them as soon as I download them off the camera.

So to catch everyone up. The Elder got approved for the transition class for next year! Yay! It will be the same days and hours as kindergarten but we have no idea which school, which teacher, or how many students in the class and if it will have inclusion. The ideal situation would be in our school zone with the same teacher he has now with inclusion and perhaps 12-14 students (there are 7 now, and in kindergarten the average is 20 students). We added some items to his IEP. He gets ESY this summer and ABA support (Yay!) and his official IEP review is not until October since he started school late in the year.

The Younger is potty training majorly now. He wears his diapers (cloth) when he sleeps and in public. He typically wakes up dry during naps and at night we don't use any doublers. During the day, at home, he wears "pull ups." They are actually the Gerber padded underwear, but he freaks out about wearing underwear so we just call them pull-ups and he is fine with that. He is really consistent about going pee pee in the potty and even held it while in SC from my parents house to the beach (about 13 miles). I thought he had a diaper on, but he had pull-ups on. Whew! So glad he held that one. And he was sooo proud of himself, as was I. Now he wears cloth pull-ups in public which are basically diapers in pull up form, but work as effectively!

Then yesterday while I was working at Panera, I get a PictureMail on my phone of The Younger smiling so big and a caption that said, "Guess who poo pooed in the potty?" Yahoo!!!!! Too bad I could be there to see it and take a picture of it to post on my blog. (JUST KIDDING, I would never do that...take the picture, that is, much less post it! So no worries...) The Hub said that The Younger called out to him and when he arrived, The Younger was sitting on the potty, clapping! When he stood up...surprise! However he had a blow-out later in the driveway. We counted back 3 days and it corresponded with the McDonald's slide adventure on the way home. Crap! No pun intended.

I also got video of The Younger riding his bike! I can't believe he is big enough to get on it. We got both of their bikes on consignment for a total of $15! Crazy I know. The Younger's came with training wheels, so we had to buy some for The Elder's. The Elder is still afraid to ride his. He prefers to ride The Younger's Little Tykes Car. Pretty soon he won't be able to turn the wheels on account of his knees getting in the way. His Proprioceptive Sensory Disorder makes him feel very unbalanced and like he is going to fall all the time so he needs to feel anchored down. He would NOT go down my parents stairway in the house because they are suspended steps (with no risers) and that area is surrounded by mirrors which reflect back through the "risers" where you can see the kitchen which is dizzying in itself, even without the optical illusion challenge of a reflection and trying to balance on stairs. Call me cruel, but I made him walk down by himself. He wanted me to hold him and carry him down, but I didn't want to fall myself! He's getting heavy! I offered to hold his hand but he wanted the security of two hands on the rails. He was so afraid to even put his foot on the top stair. Once he did that and realized they were not slippery (they are wooden, not carpeted) he gained a little confidence. About a third of the way down he got the hang of it. I had my hand on his back and he was cuing me to let go so he could do it by himself! What a milestone. He didn't have problems with it the rest of the week. Of course The Younger is jumping down the stairs barely holding on if at all, swinging on the rails, climbing up the stairs on the wrong side of the rails...all that daredevil stuff that I used to do as a child. I got a flashback from the past of me turning flips on the rail at the top of the stairs. I don't ever recall falling and we lived there since I was 5 years old. I looked at my mom and said, I must have scared you to death growing up! She looked at me as if to say, I'm so glad you finally recognize that! Maybe he will be a cheerleader....he's definitely strong enough for it.

The Hub didn't join us because he was in Utah learning fancy stuff with the stock market. It was a good thing because there wasn't enough room in my car for him. However I am soooo grateful I chose the car over the SUV! I couldn't imagine putting $100 worth of gas into my car! My friend and neighbor drives a Yukon and she informed me that the gas pumps will not pump more than $100 worth of gas, so she just pumps until it stops! I just couldn't imagine... At least I only pay for gas and oil changes. Oh, I got to drive my mom's new car that she picked up about a month ago. Reminds me of my Grand Prix. very sporty drive. very cute. I hit the driver's side door on the concrete based of an AC unit that I parked beside at one of the meetings we went to. And then I ran the curve on the way out of Hardee's. She was so stressed out! I just looked at her and put my hand on her to relax...Mom, at least it is free...That fixes every ding, scratch, scraping underneath the front bumper, accidental drive over the curb, pothole, etc. I'll get a new one in 2 years so why worry! Oh, I looked at my odometer yesterday and I already have more than 10,500 miles on my car and I picked it up on September 26, 2007! I love it! Well, that was some tangent...

Back to Utah...The Hub was attending a training seminar with less than 10 students. He received one on one training and focus and detailed examples and got to practice them with supervision and advisors. Because it was a small group and this is a special interest of his, he was eager to participate and not afraid to offer his opinions, feedback, and ask questions. I'm so proud of him. He is really getting his money's worth from these meetings. I kinda felt guilty at first when I practically forced him to sign us up for the initial free workshop. You could tell he was reluctant or suspicious, but more likely he was probably frozen in panic and anxiety of making a decision that quickly. This was before his diagnosis. I made a comment like, "Don't you want to invest smart instead of letting our money lay stagnant in the bank?" Too many questions and too much thinking required, led to a blank stare. I was so annoyed at the time. Thanks goodness I know to approach him differently now. And now he loves it! I told him that trading was the perfect career for him. It requires a love affair with the computer; does not involve interacting other people; has numbers, charts, tech analytical stuff about it; it is imperative to follow the rules; and to make decisions on the rules and not on emotion. Could it be a better match?????

We also did the local JDRF Walk for this young lady. It was very fun and rewarding and gave me an excuse to exercise. I pushed The Kiddos in the stroller (except up the really steep hills, I passed them off to The Hub). Many kids walked on their own feet, but I really didn't see The Elder going 2.5 miles on his feet. One of us would have ended up carrying him. The Team Goal was to raise $12,000. Please feel free to donate. If you know someone with JDRF of course donate to their team, but if you are looking to connect your dollars with a face, who could resist Clara's precious smile? One day, I'm gonna arrange to betroth her and The Elder. Don't you think they would make pretty children?

Boy I had a lot to say! I think I'll stop for now and give my fingers and readers a rest!

Success Sunday: on the road

2008-05-11T20:28:00.001-04:00

Thanks to everyone who stopped by and left mother's day wishes! Happy Mother's day to all! We are actually on our way to SC to see my mother (et al) and I'm sitting in the parking lot of McDonalds because The Elder earned palytime on the slides. I'm keeping The Younger and The Skipper Dog company in tbe car since neither of them earned the luxury of playing on that nasty thing. Anyhoo, can't format very well from the Treo but here is my quote:

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you make them feel.
- Carol Buchner

Thank you blogosphere! I'll never forget how you've all made me feel today and ever since I made my blog debut!

Success Sunday

2008-05-04T21:26:00.002-04:00

"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."
--Jack London

This one just makes me laugh because I guess I was waiting for a Success Sunday quote to just hit me over the head, but alas it did not. So I went on the internet to look up quotes that I could use for today so as to put an end to the month long hiatus from posting them. So with my keyboard as my "club," ladies and gentlemen, I bring you this quote....(applause)

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Elderese

2008-05-02T12:22:00.005-04:00

The Elder has been saying the FUNNIEST things this week. I kept telling the stories over and over again so I would make sure I would remember them to journal on them.

--------------------------------------------

It a Shopping Center parking lot, while looking for a parking space, out of the blue he says,

"Mommy, you need LimeAway."
"I do?"
"Yes....for the germs...it gets the germs..."
"It does? where did you see that?" as I'm looking around to see if maybe there was a sign in the front of Walmart advertising it.
"On TV"

He also wants an "Aqua Globe" on his list. "It's only 19.95, mommy."

--------------------------------------------

Earlier this week, The Elder got into a fight on the bus. I'm sure it wasn't a big knock down brawl seeing that everyone is in 5-point harness car seats. But nonetheless, it was a safety hazard. I immediately called The Teacher to let her know (had to leave a message) and she addressed Bus Safety and Respect for Services the very next morning (evidently it was common in the class at this time). I was trying to get him to express himself so I knew exactly what happened, and after about 10-15 minutes of trying to decode it I came to the conclusion that a girl was using a seatbelt (perhaps to help?) and it was choking him (maybe violating his personal space?) so he hit her (from frustration and/or panic?).

"Did she hit you back?
"No, just my front."

Love that literal-ness. But this is a serious issue and I'm glad that it was addressed in the classroom too.

--------------------------------------------

The Elder was looking through a booklet of none other than Thomas and Friends characters. He was reading each of their names and the names of the buildings and sets. Then he looks at a character named Bulgy and says, "what's that say?"

"You know who that is...you have one downstairs. See if you can sound it out."
He looks at it intensely and blurts out, "Boogie?"
He shocked himself that it came out of his mouth and began laughing hysterically! He kept saying it over and over again (replaying the scene that just happened) and laughed harder and harder.

Fast forward to when The Hub gets home from work.
"Pick up your Thomas booklet off the floor before it gets lost."
"I want these on my list."
"Oh oh, tell daddy what you said!!"
He looks at Daddy and says, "I want these on my list."

That literal-ness again. Never ceases to entertain me.

"No I mean what you said earlier today that was so funny."
You could see him scanning his brain to figure out what I was talking about.
"Do you mean.......BOOGIE??"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

--------------------------------------------

I was sniffing something unpleasant in the air. Usually The Younger will proudly announce his passing of gas by laughing as he exclaims "EXCUSE ME!" But no one spoke up which could only mean it was The Elder. This is how "normal" he is getting:

"Who passed gas?"
"No one," says The Elder, looking mighty guilty.
To the Younger, "Did you pass gas?"
"No." (not old enough to lie yet)
"Well someone did because I can smell it!"
The Elder says very matter-of-factly, "I think it was you."

He immediately had a smirk on his face and looked at me through the corner of his eyes as if to say "I wonder if she bought that?"

I immediately told 2 people, The AP and then I called The Hub to tell him!

--------------------------------------------

"Mommy, what's two plus tuba?"

We play the math game all the time, so it wasn't usual for him to quiz us on simple addition and subtraction equations.

"Two plus TUBA?"
"Yes...what is two plus tuba?"
"I don't know, hunny."
"Four-ba!"

It caught me off guard because the only jokes he has ever told were knock knock jokes and they weren't very good ones at that.

Then he turns to The Gma, "Grandma, what's two plus tuba?
"Um...Four-ba?"
"You're right!"

"Mommy, what's two plus tuba?" "Four-ba"
"What's two plus tuba?" "Four-ba."
"Ask me!" "Ok, what's two plus tuba?" "Four-ba" as he is cracking up at himself.

This went back and forth between the three of us for sometime, until I finally said,
"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?" he faithfully replies.
"Two plus tuba."
"Two plus tuba who?"
"Four-ba!"

He didn't laugh, he just said, "That's not right, mommy. That's a knock knock joke."

My bad.

--------------------------------------------

We went to a restaurant yesterday and both kids were wild. I said, "Who remembers the restaurant rules?" They both had blank looks on their faces, probably because we have never established formal rules. We would just say, Sit down, eat your food, stop throwing crayons, drink your own drink, etc.

So I got pen and paper and as we were waiting for the food, we drew up this list together:

Restaurant Rules

Sit on your bottom
Be quiet (he came up with that one all by himself!)
No banging
Eat your food
Do not waste
No fighting (another one he said without prompting)
Leave packets alone (he actually said "Do not play with those things" pointing at the sugar packets)
Be careful to not spill drinks and food (originally he said, "Do not spill your drinks," but you know, accidents happen.)
Do not play with knives.
Do not stand up on the seats ("Do not do this," as he stands on the seat.)
Do not throw things
Do not bother other people (that one was totally my rule)
Keep your shoes and socks on.

We ran out of space or we probably could have gone all day. It was really cute because after I would write down a rule, he would read it, and then I'd say, "What else?" and he would raise his hand high in the air and say, "OOOO, I know!" and then wait for me to call on him.

--------------------------------------------

We have finally gone back to the ticket system that worked so well when The Elder was potty training. He does really well with rules obviously. I've spoken with a few people about how they use the system and am excited about setting the formal rules regarding it.

First I asked him, "What is the thing you want MOST on your list?"
He starts naming a slew of things.
"No, I mean, what is the ONE thing you want FIRST on your list?"
"Batter batter baseball"
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yes, just like the one at Colton's house."

He went into further detail describing it in only the way he can (I love it!). We went to a birthday party not too long ago and I was actually surprise that he played with it as long as he did. And stuck with it even though he kept missing the ball. I think he really like the mechanics of how it worked over actually hitting the ball. Anyhoo, I was excited that it was a sport and physical game toy that he wanted the most, and especially the fact that it had NOTHING to do with trains!

So this weekend we are going to make goal posters and rules so he can earn tickets to buy the toy.

On the way to church this morning he is looking in an ad magazine for our city and sees an ad for The Bounce House.

"Oh, mommy, I want this on my list. The slide. The biggest blue slide."
"That's very expensive, it would take a lot of tickets to earn that."
"But I want that."
"Where would we put it? It is so big!"
"I think outside."
"It would be better to just wait for the next birthday party."
"But I want that on my list."
"Well I thought you wanted the Batter Batter Baseball. Which do you want?"

He chose the Batter batter baseball. (Whew!)

So then I look at The Younger and ask him,
"What is the ONE thing you want FIRST on your list?"
"The big blue slide."

Geez, bad timing to ask that!

--------------------------------------------

At OfficeMax we let The Kiddos carry the smaller baskets (one each) instead of getting a push cart. We went around the place looking for something in particular that The Gma was going to get for them, one had Thomas on it and the other had Dora on it.

Both kids stopped on the "Teacher" aisle and just went crazy with the "I want this on my list." The Younger even had 4 bottles of glue in his basket already. He helped me put them away as I explained to him that he could put them on his list.

The Elder also wanted a Calendar on his list, a retail OPEN/CLOSED sign on his list, a "Employees must wash their hands" sign on his list...

Then The Elder finds something he wants and looks at me and asks,
"Mommy, do I put this in the basket or on my list?"
"On your list," I say with out skipping a beat.
"OK" as he puts it back on the shelf.

Well done.

"Ok, it's time to check out."
"I like checking out. I can put the groceries on the thing."

--------------------------------------------

He has come so far!

Has it really been another 2 weeks?

2008-04-23T10:49:00.006-04:00

I am really sucking in the blog department. Both writing and reading. I opened my Google Reader today to find over 1500 unread posts! Good grief!

Can't really say where I have been in the last month other than getting through the days and weeks. I've just been really busy I suppose. I have kicked it up a notch with work now that the end of our year is quickly approaching (June 30th). Anyhoo, I have read here and there from my treo but like I have said before, commenting is a bear on that thing!

I've had a couple of Success Sunday quotes floating out there that never quite made it to the computer. And now I've forgotten them all. I do know that one was a quote from a Harry Potter movie...perhaps The Hub can jog my memory on that one. That is, if I remembered to mention that out loud to him.

So let me start on my list a little. About the Kindergarten situation. Many of you have sent me emails and comments on how you have handled your Kiddo(s)' off-to-school situations. I have been praying that something would come up and as far as I know there will be an option for The Elder other than Kindergarten and other than a private preschool. YAY! We have his IEP meeting on the 7th of May to discuss this further. No other details are known, such as teacher, classmates (inclusion or not), number of days, length of days, or even which school for that matter. The Teacher didn't know any of that stuff either, including her own teaching placement for the fall. Boy that would suck if that was my job! So I'll have another post after the IEP meeting. I'm actually very excited about this one. If anyone has any advice on things that I should definitely ask for please please please leave a comment and let me know!!!

The Elder has been getting really good marks on his daily reports this week. I mean REALLY good marks. Last time, The Teacher and i discussed his 4-month cycle that we have been recognizing since he has been in her class. Of course it has only been 8 months but we can see a pattern. So we are anticipating that during the next 4 months which happens to fall during summer vacation. Interesting...

This summer I have both The Elder and The Younger enrolled into our church's Summer Day Camp for 2 days a week. It was the least expensive option that still had spaces available. Since the church has been working really hard with me and The Hub to educate themselves, I'm about 90% confident that things will go well. They even held a Mental Health Conference and many of The Elders former teachers and directors of previous preschools (2 of the 4 from which he was kicked out of) attended so I was really happy about that. I went to the K-6 grade class and The Hub went to the preschool class. I'm glad because I would have felt very uncomfortable in there with all the people I've argued with in the same room with me. However, according to The Hub I would have been vindicated because everything that I stressed to them (and they ignored) was taught by a licensed professional psychologist. There were also The Elder's Sunday School teachers (and future Sunday School teachers) present. I think some of them overlap with the Summer Camp teachers too so I'm excited about having people aware that he is just not a difficult kid, but a different kid.

Plus I really wanted to keep The Elder in a structured environment over the summer, and The Younger just needs to experience a structured day that doesn't include having his brother with him. He is still showing signs of social anxiety (except at Zuma Fun Center last weekend, where he scared me numerous times running off to check out another game to play. Interesting...) and he is continuing to stutter. I've tried correcting him and having repeat me and he does fine. He hasn't been stuttering in public mainly because he doesn't talk in public. Other than "NO" or "Back Home Please," that is.

I can't remember all the stories that I had in mind to share for the "How God brings people together for a reason beyond our comprehension until you look back and see how things were weaved together" bullet, but I bet others who read this have similar experiences. I'm still finding out things as every day goes by. Hmmm, I guess that is what the mean by Life is a Journey and not a Destination. I'll make this a "Talk Amongst Yourselves" topic so please share any feeling you have about this statement.

And lastly (not leastly), the whole organization bit. Perhaps that is why I haven't had extra time on my hands to blog. I got me some organization! I have literally been so productive that I have to make myself STOP working! Crazy I know. I went to go see a motivational speaker in my company last Thursday and she made some very interesting points. There are 2 kinds of people in the world:

Those who are organized.
Those who are a hot mess.

Of course I'm getting dizzy as pictures of my hot mess are flashing before my eyes. But I loved her "comeback." Those who are organized can spend too much time organizing and therefore are not productive to their potential because of that. Those who are a hot mess can spend too much time thinking about getting organized and therefore are not productive to their potential because of that. For those of you who fall under the "organized" category, she suggests balancing by letting go perfectionism. For those of us who are the hot mess, she suggests being a copy cat. Find someone who is organized and do what they do. Because no matter how much we think about getting organized, it ain't gonna happen. I'm sure some could argue with that statement but I was not one of them because about 2 weeks ago I decided to adopt part of the GTD system and tweak it just a little for my business. I also invested a whopping $35 in some products from a vendor who supports the sales force of my company and tweaked it to follow the GTD system. It has been wonderful. I finally feel put together even though my former system (if you want to call it that) has not yet been transferred to the new one. I'm actually just transferring as I go so I don't get behind trying to get it up to date.

But what I love about it the most is that I feel productive and balance in both my work and home. That includes family and personal. So yay for me.

OK, so I gotta some other things to finish on my list for the day. Looking forward to reading your stories!

I'm making up for 2 weeks

2008-04-11T10:42:00.003-04:00

And I know that I won't get everything in. I'll make more posts over the weekend. Here are some of the topics I need to cover:

The Elder's Kindergarten situation
How God brings people together for a reason beyond our comprehension until you look back and see how things were weaved together
Organization can hold you back, but once I figure it out, then watch my smoke...
GFCF Mommy challenged me to a blog game. This is the one I'm going to start with because it sounds fun and I may not get around to the other stuff until after April!

I thought I would start off with the Elder. He felt sick this morning so we didn't make it to church. He complained about his tummy so we put a heating pad on him and started to feel better. He was sitting in my lap in the middle of the hallway outside of the bathroom (just in case). Since he was feeling better, I beckoned to The AP to bring me some paper and pen.

"So, why don't you tell me 10 things about you and I'll write them down."
"OK."

1. First you got to turn the switch, then cross over and go down and go into the bottom of the hill and you get to write the name.

2. Next, first, um they was Power Thomas goes on the blue track with only Annie and he got the jet engine and the cars.

"Pause on Thomas and tell me things about [The Elder]." (I was pushing the "pause" button on his forehead.)
"Thomas, [The Elder], Thomas, [The Elder]...we can make a pattern!"
"Well let's talk about you first and then we will talk about Thomas."

3. First I go to Joshua's house then I go to Colton's house and then I go to Grandma's house. That's it.

4. FIrst I go over to Skip, then Daddy, Mommy, and [The Younger]. That's it.

"Is it Thomas turn?"
"Not yet, we are on #5 and we want 10 things about you."
"Then we do 10 things about Thomas?"
"Sure."

5. First I go to the Sprout, next I go to Chikfila, next I go to Walmart, next I go to Old Navy, next I go to Texas Roadhouse, then we go home.

"Ok number 6."
"But I said 5 things."
"That was all under #5."
"OK"

6. I go over to watch "I love Big Machines" then I watch "Alphabet Train."

7. Next I watch Math Circus, Letter Factory, Talking Words Factory, Code Word Caper and that can be it.

(I'm starting realize where he learned math and how to read by age 4)

8. First I watch the "Bee Movie" than I do the "Bee Movie" again, then I watch the...uuuhhhh...ummmmmm...uuuuhhhhh...Are you drawing what I'm doing?

(I was trying to write everything down on the sticky notes, but he was talking so fast!! I had to get my computer to type it instead.)

9. Umm, first I did the....uummm...my computer then I did Thomas video then I did the Cyberchase Quest and I did the watch TV. That's it.

10. Uuummmm...First I wash my hands next I go to the playroom....no no...next I go downstairs and play with Thomas the Tank Engine then I go to the jump jump. Check! What's next?

"Next is Thomas?"
"Ok"

11. Then Thomas goes on the bridge into the tunnel then he goes to the um um then I go turn on Rusty then he goes to meet Henry then he goes to the...then Henry goes to the...then he says, "Thomas, you are not doing Annie and Clarabel today." I will take...

"Mommy, I'm not feeling well...I need medicine...I want to lay down on my bed..." (He walks down the hall scrunched over obviously because his tummy was hurting. Gets on his bed crying that he's not feeling well. Then he's gagging and I grab him, rushing him to the bathroom.) "You're hurting me!!" (Whew we made it!)

Bless his heart...don't you hate it when they are sick.

He's feeling better right now but he said he wanted to finish the Thomas story later...

So now it is my turn..

10 Things About The Elder

1. He loves trains and can go on and on and on about them. I especially love it when he tells a little story and recites dialogue between the trains.

2. Like GFCF Mommy's Prince, The Elder is like our little GPS and loves Google Maps and paper maps and anything that folds out like a map. He doesn't necessarily find things on the maps but in the car he can tell me exactly where to go and where to turn (at least where to turn to go to ChikfilA, Sprout, Toys are Us, Chucke Cheese, or Grandma's house).

3. I love when he starts describing things to me with absolutely no context clues. I can say, "What movie are you watching in your head?" and as soon as he names it everything makes sense. (It might not be a movie but perhaps a TV show, a commercial, something that happened at school, etc.)

4. I love it when he gets excited to see me and runs to give me a hug. He even let's me kiss him now on the cheek (and sometimes on the lips but not today. No germs, thank you.) but not without promptly wiping it off,or as we say in our house, "rubbing it in."

5. He can read. He's watching me type right now (I went back and typed what he said before while he was recovery from his episode) and got so excited..."You're writing down what I said?!?!?!?!"...laughing. "I am! How can you tell?" And he pointed to the words and starts reading it to me. (Number 10)

6. He loves his brother. I catch him hugging him all the time!

7. I love his innocent mind. He is honest. Very honest. And very literal. I love it, it is adorable. EG, I asked him if Eliza was his girlfriend and he said "yes." She is the only girl in his classroom. "Are you her boyfriend?" "Yes" "Is Colton your boyfriend?" "Yes" Hmmmmmm.

8. He is more polite than most 4 year old. Shoot he more polite than most adults. Please, Thank you, You're Welcome, I'm sorry, I forgive you, Excuse me are popular phrases in his vocabulary. And now, he almost means it.

9. I love to watch him run. Reminds me of Friends when Phoebe went to run with Rachel. He just looks so happy when he does it. And he doesn't know or care if he appears awkward to others. Again, just innocent as can be.

10. To contradict the innocence, I love it when I catch him a "lie." "Did you wash your hands?" "Yes" "Are you sure?" "Yes" "I didn't hear the water run in the sink." When he realizes that I have found him out he will say, "I'm just teasing you!"

I'm sure there are more, but those are the ones I can think of as he is leaning over me asking me I'm finished yet!

OK I can finish because he is putting a puzzle together now. Yay, he's feeling better. What is that with vomit? I told him he got the germs out and that is why he feels better!

10 Things About The Younger

1. He is hilarious. I truly think he talk The Elder to talk because we can't really shut him up. My favorites are when he holds my face and cocks his head to one side and says, "You're so cute." When I tell him he's cute too, he will say "I'm not cute...I'm crazy." Hilarious I tell ya.

2. I also think he taught The Elder to pretend play. He is very impromptu with his pretending too. He's running around chasing Skipperdoodle and will stop in his tracks to grab something out of his pocket to eat. "Whatcha eatin?" "Chocolate Cake." And then continues to chase the dog. He will also come up to me out of nowhere and hand me something pretend and say something like, "I got some ice cream for you."

3. His favorite color is pink.

4. His favorite toys are kitchen tools and accessories; brooms, mops and other cleaning supplies, and soap to wash his hands 10 times a day. Hmmmm he's not OCD at all....

5. He loves to cook. Supervised cooking with me or The Hub, but lots of pretend cooking. Another favorite toy is toy kitchens. I just bought a used one and haven't shown it to him yet. I want to wash the dishes first before I show it him. I just know he is going absolutely love it, including the pink Barbie tray!

6. He also loves to put things away. I'll distract him while I'm working at the computer by giving him a bag of binder clips (you saw the unfortunate scenario with the poor Skipperdoodle). But as much as he loves to torture the dog, his favorite thing to do is put the binder clips back into the bag.

7. His favorite phrases are, "I want to hold you," "I want to help you," "I want Mommy, Daddy, Grandma" even when one of us is holding him and the other two are on either side of him (usually this is his stimming phrase when he's sad, scared, or hurt).

8. He's very independent. He wants to dress himself, put on his own shoes (backwards and then switch them back), buckle his own car seat, feed himself (sometimes), and now to my delight, change his own diaper. He however does not want to use the potty unless he is naked.

9. He loves to put trash in the trash can, recyclables in the recycle bins and banana peels in the compost container.

10. He will let you know if you do something the wrong way or put something in the wrong place and say, "No Sir!"

Hmmm, I don't say that THAT much do I? He also puts me in time out. I've even seen him put Elmo and Spongebob in time out.

The Younger doesn't have any official diagnosis because he is so young and is not showing any signs of Aspergers as of yet, though The Teacher has concerns. He is starting to regress the way The Elder did at this age in the feeding department, but that is all sensory issues. I am putting him in a 2 day program this summer starting in June to help with his social skills (without his brother) and depending on where The Elder is placed next year, I plan to put him in MDO for 1 or 2 days a week.

10 Things About The Hub

1. He's very witty. Sometimes they are inside jokes, but usually I'm on the inside of it and I get it.

2. He's very literal. Now that he has a diagnosis, we joke about this a lot. I love it when he answers rhetorical questions, or at least looks like he is thinking of the answer to it. I'll say, "Rhetorical..." and he will say, "Literal..." It's hilarious. I'm very grateful that we come to this place in our marriage.

3. He's good writer. Just visit his blog and see for yourself. He may not be able to verbally express himself, but give him a pen and paper...um computer and keyboard and he can communicate very well and with passion. As a matter of fact, when we were dating way back when, he used to send me hand written postcards and letters. And poetry. He even kinda sorta proposed to me in a poem, which was much more romantic than the way he actually proposed to me.

4. He's a good coach when it comes to his passions. Soccer, Running, Cooking, and the Stock Market. He will also talk your ear off about them, so beware when you mention any of the above. I probably should also add to that his favorite bands, They Might Be Giants and XTC.

5. He's a scary driver. He sees vectors in the world that mere mortals cannot. Therefore he can gauge how close he can be to the car in front of us before he has to apply the brakes. I have mini-panic attacks when he drives, so I try to just close my eyes instead.

6. He loves his family. Sometimes he has different ways of showing it but we are all coming around and figuring out how to decode him.

7. He is good at keeping a secret. Sometimes it is because he forgets it, but mostly because he is not emotionally attached to things and doesn't really feel the need to gossip. But he also loves surprises. One of my favorite phrases that comes out of his mouth is, "I have a surprise for you." Sometimes they are really wierd surprises but that all goes back to that "decoding" thing.

8. Once you get into his circle of friends, you have a friend for life. He's very loyalty to his circle (including his blog circle). He will do incredibly nice things for people in his circle. Some reciprocate but it is never expected.

9. He's not emotional. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it is frustrating. He can level my hot-headedness, and bring me back to earth when my head is in the clouds. When I get frustrated, I've learned to just tell him to emote and he gets the picture and follows the script. I know it is a script, but the fact that he follows it tells me that he is trying and making an effort.

10. He's very routine. If I can put things in his routine, it may takes a couple of days, but after that it is golden. This great when it comes to chores. (MMUUUAAAAAHHHHH!) He even follows it when he oversleeps or is running late, and if I tell him that he doesn't have to do something (like empty the dishwasher - I hate doing it because I'm too short) then that stresses him out more than the fact that he is running late.

As a family we have come a long way and have closer, more tolerant and patient, and just plain better people because of this term called Autism. Why would I want to "cure" that??

Keep spreading the word...it starts with awareness...

Take 11 minutes and 32 seconds...

2008-04-03T12:15:00.003-04:00

...to watch this video and be blessed.

Here is the link to the Oprah version of the whole speech:
http://video.stumbleupon.com/?p=ithct48cqw

Here is the YouTube version of an excerpt plus an interview with the speaker (ABC News):

Please forward this to everyone you know that you think can benefit from it. I personally believe that is EVERYONE...

Live Life as if you are Alive.

Happy World Autism Day

2008-04-02T06:01:00.002-04:00

Today is the official day! Hug the closest person with Autism and tell someone outside of the Autism Community to hug them too! Ha!

Seriously, this is an important day/month to take advantage of to support our loved ones. I wanted to write a special post for today but I am slammed today with appointments and I won't get around to it. I know that The Hub is planning on having a special post so hop over to his site. I appreciate the loyal readers/lurkers who have been coming back to read even though the posts have been slim in number. I'm continuing to lurk on your sites too!

Celebrate with Passion!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-04-02T05:10:00.000-04:00

Such a sweet tolerant dog we have.

Awareness

2008-03-31T01:21:00.000-04:00

BY ROBIN WILLIAMS

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?", asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly", affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

I got this in a email and it is a topic that we discuss frequently in my small group. It is much like the discussion held at this post, but a little different perspective. I know that one of the questions raised in my small group would be something like, "but what about when bad things happen to good people?"

How do YOU explain that? What analogy do you use?

When I was 12 I wrote an essay called "Analogy to Life" and I have it framed somewhere but I don't think I have it digitized so I'd have to find the frame and then retype it, which would be worth it to me if I could just find it. I promise when I do I'll post it here, especially for my own archival purposes. It pretty much sums up my spiritual view about life. It is odd that I could write it down at that age not really knowing my spiritual self at the time, and now as a Christian adult still agreeing with what I had written. Anyhoo, what is a little freaky is that my analogy is a puzzle. At the time my mother was a puzzle addict (she has weaned a little as we stopped getting them for her for holidays). It wasn't even an assignment (very uncharacteristic of me) but something came over me while I was helping her with a puzzle and I wrote it. So as we embark on World Autism Day and Autism Awareness Month in April, the essay has brought on a whole new meaning to me. I can't wait to find it and post it. It may have been the single most profound thing I've ever birthed, not literally..but literarily.

Success Sunday

2008-03-30T08:23:00.002-04:00

"Imagination is a powerful tool. Don't ever lose it and never keep it down. It is the breath and life of new horizons."
--The Hub

This was the inscription in a book that The Hub gave me for Christmas in 1997. We had been married about 18 months at the time. The book is entitled Oh, the Thinks you can Think! by the famous Dr. Seuss. This book was laying around the kitchen this week and I opened it to read to The Younger. You could barely see the inscription through the illustrations, but I was so inspired, I made sure I kept the book close to my computer so that I could quote him for today. (What I have found with Success Sundays is that it has me "looking" for my next quote all week and therefore I'm inundated with positivity and inspiration all week!) He also followed this with a quote from a song by Prince formerly known as the Artist formerly known as Prince, "Whenever u say that u can't - That's when you need to be tryin'."

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Wordless (?) Wednesday - why you don't leave crochet projects out in the open with 2 kids and a dog

2008-03-26T20:31:00.000-04:00

Success Sunday

2008-03-23T01:06:00.003-04:00

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
--John 3:16 (NIV)

Here's to looking beyond the eggs the bunny pooped in the backyard, and finding the Reason for the Season. Have a blessed Easter!

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Freedom

2008-03-22T11:08:00.002-04:00

In the waiting room at the orthopedic office. See the remnants of snot and blood on his cast. Nice.

Getting the cast sawed off. The Hub volunteered to hold him since when he got his stitches, 2 grown men had to hold The Younger down and it was still a battle. Fortunately The Younger was very cooperative and I think that he actually enjoyed the vibration of the saw because he was smiling.

The Family of straighten thumbs. The Elder missed out on this opportunity. He chose to stay home with The AP. I think the noise of the saw would have sent him through the roof!

This is how he thanks me! His highlights are still prettier than mine. You can't even tell I have any in pictures!

He actually missed his cast a lot. He requested to get one put on his left arm! It took him a while to use his right arm. He still held it crooked and to his side and ate with his left hand! He started using yesterday really well at Sprout...another post that I'm excited about sharing...

Always something new...

2008-03-18T21:23:00.007-04:00

...at the Knoxville Zoo. Went to the zoo with some ladies from my church/mom's group. I really had a blast. I even did it sans The AP. I really felt like a grown up! I know I know, I should be ashamed at how spoilt I am. But it was nice to remember what it was like to be a full-time mom again. Of course I was ready to crash when I got home. Much of it was a gluten hangover from date night on Monday. We ate at a seafood restaurant and I really wanted oysters. I mean we don't go to fancy restaurants that often. So I indulged and got fried seafood. Yikes!

Anyhoo, I digress. I have a great video of The Younger at the zoo. I had to take a video of this because the pictures weren't capturing the routine of it all. I think The Elder had moved on to bigger and better things at this point but The Younger couldn't break the habit. If you play this video about 5 times in a row, you'll get an idea of how it actually went today!

Here are the rest of the pictures from today:

A word about the group picture. I saw the log with some other kids on it and looked at one mom saying, "Would it be too much to ask all the kids to get together for a picture." Another mom said, "You are dreaming....oh! Half are there already...EVERYBODY GET ON THE LOG!"

I tell The Elder/Younger, "Climb on the log so we can get a picture of you and your friends."
"My friends?" he said with slight confusion. I'm thinking, well, ok, they are MY friends' kids, but they are his friends from church...geez I sure hope he plays with them at church and not just with his brother or by himself!

The 5 pictures before the one in the slideshow were of moms plopping their kids on the log. There were 3 of us shooting pictures the whole time in the hopes that one of them would turn out. It was fun.

I have the boys trained well...I brought the jogger stroller and was the only mom who brought one except one who had the little 2 year old in the picture. After each exhibit The Kiddos would jump on the stroller (with one arm hooked in the seatbelt to be safe) and we'd be off while the other moms were trying to herd the rest of them. OR we could enjoy an exhibit longer...I couldn't believe how fast I got them out of the frog exhibit. No warning, I just said,

"Get in the stroller, time to go."
They are looking alittle dazed and confused at the whirlwind transition.
"The people are leaving so we have to go."
They understood that.

When we came out, the waiting moms' kids were all over a little zoo vendor hut with fun-in-small-doses toys that they sucker you into buying and then never get played with again. I turned the stroller away from the hut so The Kiddos couldn't see it and want to get out just for me to strap them back in to the next exhibit. All of a sudden, The Elder exclaims:

"Mommy!! The people are leaving us! Let's go!!!"
He was referring to a different group of moms and kids who were about 20-30 feet ahead of us. "Oh, those aren't our people!"
"Those are other people's people!" says one of our people's moms.

It was so cute but it got me thinking...he's sees these kids twice a week...he really doesn't know who they are, does he?? Hmmm, I might have to start volunteering for Sunday School to get him to socialize!! But I know that would actually be counterproductive. He behaves so much better for other adults!

Start spreading the news...

2008-03-17T11:18:00.003-04:00

"Oh Moooommmmy...I'm thinking of a song! ok, you say, 'please not now.'"

"Please, not now."

"Oh yes, it's a wonderful song. Dat dat dahah, dat dat dahah. You say, 'blubblubblubblubb.'"

"blubblubblubblubb."

"Good! Two words, two little words."

There were a couple of different versions of this. Some where I was doing the right thing and some where he got really frustrated with me. Then some when The Younger joined in (adorable). There was even one time we performed it for The Hub, and it was perfect, with the grandiose finale as in this clip.

I was glad that I found the clip. Now I can be more accurate when we role play it and reduce the meltdowns.

-------------------------------------------------

"Hey, look at this calendar!" (me to The Elder in Office Max in an attempt to distract him from putting all the crayons and playdoh on the shelf into the cart.)
"Coooool!"
"See, you can stick these numbers on the calendar and then when the month changes you can peel them off and stick them on again."
"That's cool, mommy....thanks for showing me." (as he walks away back to the crayons and totally blows me off)

At least he was polite.

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"Do you want to watch Meet the Robinsons?" (The Elder to The Younger)
"NO! I want to watch this one!" (Beauty and Beast which brought back wonderful memories to see that earlier that morning)
"Are you sure? I think you'll like it? It's really funny!"

Master of persuasion? I better watch out!

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"Mommy I want that."
"Ok, put it on your list."

We have the conversation a million times a day. Usually about Thomas the tank engine paraphernalia. It always satisfies him for me to tell him to put things on his list. Even when we are in the store and he wants something. "You can look at it while we are here, but then you'll have to put it on your list."

He's not yet asked me about that list, as in, exactly when anyone of those possession would come into fruition. But he did refer to his list for the first time yesterday while at Linens-n-things.

"Hey, Daddy, gotta hold you. I can't see it...(he picks him up)...You see? You can push this one and....I can put it on my list, ok, daddy?"
"OK"

Happy Patty's Day

2008-03-17T10:57:00.003-04:00

I think The Hub has some Irish in him. If not biologically, perhaps legally? Maybe a certain Father-in-law could post a comment and verify that. I obviously have no Irish in me. But I do consider myself Green as in the 3 R's and I am also excited about the upcoming Earth Hour that is fast approaching. I'm excited about it being Earth Hour. I'm not excited about it being my birthday. I realized that this year was the first year that I didn't celebrate my birth-month. I'm usually all over it starting March 1. Hmmm. It's not like I'm old or anything, or even that I look my age. I get mistaken for twenties all of the time.

Nonetheless, I'm going to wear green so I don't get pinched.

Hey, I just looked and realized that I don't have green on! Yikes! Good thing the Kiddos don't know that. Maybe I'll go put on some green eyeshadow. That's better than dying my hair green.

Speaking of...I did a very brave thing this morning. I highlighted my own hair. I've done the comb in thing before but with red so it didn't really matter if I screwed up because it was so close to my natural highlights anyway. I've highlighted The Hub's hair using the cap so it wasn't completely foreign to me. The Kiddos have beautifully natural chestnut highlights in their hair and especially in the sun, it is soooo gorgeous. They inspired me! Now, it turned out ok. Not as pretty as theirs but decent. I'm-not-ashamed-to-show-my-face-in-public kind of decent. However, I think next time I'll go a little redder and perhaps ask The AP to help. If I went blonder, I think I would let a professional do it so that there would be more of a contrast with the black.

Shoot! I was going to see if The Hub would notice. Guess I let the cat out of the bag.

The Younger is getting his cast off this Thursday. I think he will miss it actually...

The Elder is out of school this week on account of spring break. I think we are going to the zoo tomorrow since it will be a nice day.

The Teacher visited last week. She is so awesome. I know I say that every month but I just really appreciate her. I've heard the term ABA tossed around in the autism community but had no idea what that really was or how I would get those services or even if The Elder was eligible. Turns out that The Teacher's monthly visits count as ABA. Is that right? Can someone elaborate on your experience with ABA?

I think that catches us up. I've got some great quotes too that I have to publish in a separate post...stay tuned.

Success Sunday

2008-03-16T20:47:00.003-04:00

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
--Walt Disney

We watched Meet the Robinsons this week for family night. A very good tale, a very good soundtrack, and a very good message, modeled after this quote. I can't believe that I haven't posted since LAST Sunday. Oh well, keep moving forward! I'll catch up with everyone this week!

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

Success Sunday

2008-03-09T12:32:00.006-04:00

"Pray that success will not come any faster than you are able to endure it."
--Elbert Hubbard

This is a nice reminder that wishful thinking isn't always what is best for us and that God's timing is always ON TIME. Kinda goes back to this post and this post. It makes me mad sometimes that he isn't on my timetable, but when I step back from the situation and try to find that silver lining, I typically end up telling myself that I have to grow somehow in order for me to get there. That's when I pray, "Hurry up and tell me what I'm suppose to learn from this so I can grow already!" Yeah, that doesn't always work either...

Remember to comment here when your quote is up! There's a link in the sidebar to the code in case you need it. I've updated the code there to include a backlink in a "footer" so you don't have to worry about that, however I still appreciate a comment on the current post (ie. this one) so I know to go visit your site when it is up! Thanks..

Find out How to Post your own Success Sunday!

----------------------------------------------------
updated with Meme:I've used this quote before as a Success Sunday. It still is one of my favorites.

I tag anyone who hasn't already done this, which is very few according to Mr. Linky...

Here are the rules:

You are about to send a virtual Message In a Bottle across the Blog Ocean. Leave a message in the sand or on the bottle. Write anything you wish. Be a pirate or a poet. Serious or silly. Anonymous or not.

What message would you like to send out to the universe?

Message In A Bottle Meme

1. Compose a message to place in your virtual bottle
2. Right click and Save the graphic below
3. Use a graphics program of your choice to place the message on the picture
4. Post the meme and these rules on your blog
5. Return your "Message In a Bottle" to me via email ~ mimiwrites2005 at yahoo.com, sign the Mr. Linky and leave a comment HERE telling me you've finished. IF YOU WANT YOUR MESSAGE TO BE ANONYMOUS PLEASE SAY SO.
6. Tag a minimum of five people - or your entire blogroll - to do the same. Notify them of the tag.

And I was worried...pfffft!

2008-03-08T09:01:00.012-05:00

Later that day...

Adjusting to the idea...
This would be a sadder video if he wasn't smirking...

Wrestling with Daddy...

Trying to steal from the counter...

Using one arm to carry the step stool to successfully steal from the counter...

Playing daredevil in the workshop while Daddy is working out...

Falling while playing daredevil in the workshop while Daddy is working out...

Successfully using a square punch with ONE HAND, and the left hand to boot...
Cute stutter at the end of the clip...

Umm...I think he's going to be A-OK...

The Aftermath

2008-03-07T17:26:00.014-05:00

What a morning...It was a very rainy and stormy morning. Both literally and figuratively
First, The Younger is doing incredibly well. Thanks to everyone who said a prayer and/or sent positive power our way.

"Don't worry, we will take very good care of him."

I promised that I wouldn't cry but when I saw them taking him away with his arms outstretched to me and I couldn't go get him and hold him and tell him it will be ok, I lost it. Mr. Roboto even comforted me. How sweet of him to put on his NT hat for me this morning.

Well, the alarm went off at 4:45 and we both pushed snooze on both of our phones for 15 minutes. Finally we got up and got dressed and got The Younger up. We found an emergency 7th Generation diaper in one of the cars so we used that and fortunatly there was no poop involved in the whole ordeal. Put him back in PJs (it too early to remember sock, shoes, or a coat though...bless his heart) and got into the car.

"We are going to get you finger fixed today! Yay! And you'll come home with a bionic arm!"

That was the first he had heard of it. He is an anxious little boy and I feared that we wouldn't have been able to get him out of the house it had know sooner than this morning. I struggled and struggled with that. Was it fair to not give him a fair warning?

6:15am is early enough that there wasn't a waiting room full of people which was good for his anxiety. He would not let them put the hospital bracelet on his arm. I should have taken a picture of the one they put on me when he was trying to pull it off of me. He is so strong that he stretched and distorted the bracelet!

As soon as the PJs came off, all hell broke loose. We had to hold him down to get the gown on him and he kept taking it off. The Hub even had the smarts to use a carabeaner to hook the sleeves in the back so he couldn't take it off. I actually distracted him a little while with some foam hand sanitizer. Of course that would float his OCD boat.

Finally around 7:15 they gave him some "Happy Juice" in a syringe and about 10 minutes later we got this drunk little guy...

before the bionic arm

after his SECOND bionic arm...

Yep, you read that right. What happened between these 2 pictures was a lot of screaming, a lot of thrashing, a lot of confusion, and a second round of watching them take my baby away. When I saw him for the first time, he had a very cool, blue-tape-wrapped splint on his arm, but I didn't attempt to get a picture of it on account of the screaming and thrashing. He also still had his IV in his left hand and it was taped up with the same blue tape. Could you imagine waking up with no hands??? Bless his heart, he was terrified. He almost tore his IV out of his hand, there was blood backed up into the tubing for about 5 inches. I thought that might be normal until I saw the concern in the nurse's face. They needed him to drink something before they could take the IV out. Idiot nurse brought a very angry and scared TWO year old an open styrofoam cup filled to the brim of apple juice and ice. I just looked at her and said, "he will throw that" in the nicest what-were-you-thinking tone of voice I could muster. Fortunately I have a very smart Hub who brought the diaper bag with a juice box in it. Gotta love that Aspergian routine trait. I squeezed a couple of sips into his screaming mouth so that they could take the IV out. He was so mad.

Once the IV was out, he started on the splint. I was actually surprised that they only put a splint on him considering they told us he would have a full arm cast and we expressed concern about his "picking" tic he has. By the time I went to go sign release forms and ask the nurse if Dr C was still there because I was afraid that he would take the splint off and came back, The Younger had already moved it off about half an inch. So I signed another form to give them permission to gas him again to put on the full plaster weapon of a cast. Dr C said that The Younger had more determination that the "average bear." We are thinking determination and strength too!

We went back to the waiting room. I was happy with our decision to get the cast. I was not happy that they didn't do that to begin with and they had to put him under twice in one morning.

Here's a visual of how intense the thrashing was...

Around 11am when we left the hospital... he's saying, "Where'd the rain go?"

I have more pictures of what happened the rest of today, but I'll have to leave you in suspense for now. We are off to drug him and snuggle down for a little Ratatouille.

Thanks again for everyone's concern.

It ain't easy being green...

2008-03-06T21:33:00.002-05:00

OK, so I didn't actually turn in yet...I stumbled upon this and I had to take this personality test because we have a lot of green in our house (paint, rugs, frames, blankets, you name it) and we like to consider ourselves a green family (we recycle everything, or at least reduce and reuse as much as we can, we compost even though we don't have a garden...or landscaping for that matter, I digress...) so I encourage everyone who reads this to check out what color green you are and leave a comment with your results!

I haven't decided if I like my color...though I agree with it 100%...

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.

Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.

People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.

But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

The Eve

2008-03-06T17:09:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day for The Younger surgery for his Congenital Trigger Thumb. We have to be at the surgery center at 6:15am. That means we have to leave at 5:45am. That means we have to get up at 4:45am to get ourselves and him ready to leave. Should I even bother going to bed tonight?

No food after midnight, no lotion or hair products (why? can someone tell me that?), and comfy clothing. I think that was all of the rules. I hope I'm not forgetting something. He's never been "put under" before. I hope he doesn't poop on the table because we ran out of the emergency disposable pull-ups. I love the greenness of cloth diapers but they are not that convenient when you need changing to be quick and easy.

Anyhoo, it is only a 30 minute procedure so I anticipate us being home by mid-morning. It's the recovery that I worry about. And of course the weapon he will acquire for 2 weeks...

Wordless Wednesday

2008-03-05T12:49:00.003-05:00

I'm really showing my butt over at The Hub's post...

Parenting with Aspergers

2008-03-04T18:46:00.003-05:00

I came across this post. I wanted to post an excerpt here. It is good to be aware of this, for me with The Dxd Hub, but also for my blogfriends who have adult spectrum suspects in their lives. (that sounds devious...MUAHAAAA!)

The Asperger’s profile

Your partner may have Asperger’s syndrome if he (or she) has most or all of the following traits. Does he . . .

Have difficulty interpreting body language and facial expressions?

Have difficulty understanding jokes, metaphor and sarcasm because he takes everything in a very literal way?

Struggle to maintain friendships?

Become withdrawn and seem to be uninterested in others, appearing aloof?

Have poor social awareness and find it hard to imagine how his behaviour impacts on other people?

Love routines and get very upset if these are broken?

Have an intense and all-consuming special interest or hobby?

Have sensory difficulties? Is he oversensitive to touch or smell or noise or to a particular taste (people with Asperger’s have a very limited diet). In some cases, there can be an undeveloped sense.
Adapted from the National Autistic Society website: www.nas.org.uk

So now I am digesting. And researching, again, and came across this list from a Conference in 2005 given by Dr Tony Attwood:

The Parent with Asperger’s Syndrome

Characteristics
• Knowledge of normal childhood abilities and the parental role.
• Perfectionism.
• Regimentation.
• Anger.
• Abuse.

Child’s Perception
• Lack of affection, understanding and support. (Aloof).
• Criticism not compliments.
• Embarrassment in public.
• Fear of the parent’s mood and not to antagonize.
• Fear of the ‘cold’ touch of affection.
• Disagreements between parents.
• Parent has a monologue on their own problems.
• Intolerance of noise and friendships.
• Egocentric priorities.
• Favoritism.
• Feeling a nuisance.
• Desire to leave home or move inter-state or abroad.

Child’s Reaction
• Seeking affection and approval.
• Hatred.
• Escape using imagination, solitude, alternative family.
• Choice of partner.

Issues
• Recognizing the disorder in a parent.
• Resolving past issues.
• Explaining the person to other family members.

Number one, I wanted to journal on this because I need to be aware of the potential effect having a parent with ASD can have on my own children.

Number two, I wanted my siblings to reflect on how we grew up and the perspective we had of my parents. I have given both parents lots of resources and they have bought books themselves to educated themselves in regards to The Elder and his ASD. I debated on whether or not I should even air this laundry out on my blog, but a few months ago, one of my parents said this to me, "I don't know....maybe I have Aspergers too." It was a statement that I haven't forgotten and have made observations on my many trips home to SC. After reading this article...I wonder myself. Not that it would make a difference now that I'm an adult and not even in the same state as my parents...but it sure would explain some things and would also make some things easier to forgive.

The Mop and Bowl Effect

2008-03-03T09:26:00.003-05:00

Here are the results from Saturday's haircutting session.

and a cute video of me videoing The Younger videoing The Elder eating his snack:

Find Out How to Post Your Own Success Sunday

2008-03-02T12:33:00.017-05:00

"There's only one thing that can guarantee our failure, and that's if we quit."
--Craig Breedlove

I am determined to keep Success Sunday alive! Success Sunday was created by me and my friend Gwen to stay motivated throughout the week. Working from home can really get your days mixed up and weekends run into weekdays, as well as the weekend attitude...so we picked Sunday to start out week out on a high note. I want to invite everyone to join us in this effort to help us keep it going. We can keep each other motivated for whatever reason you might need motivation! Leave a comment here to say you'll join us!

It's fun and easy to do...copy and paste this html into the "Edit Html" tab of your post:

And then edit with your fave motivational quote and author on the "Compose" tab of your post.

No Rules. I quoted The Elder once because he said something inspiring. Keep in mind that the purpose is to inspire ourselves and others. Be sure to leave a comment or backlink here so we know that you have your quote up!

Have a Successful Week!!

Victories

2008-03-02T07:52:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I successfully gave both boys haircuts with minimal squirming, bleeding, poking, and frantic screaming over the loose hairs. They barely even complained about the water bottle! I think it only took about an hour for both and then I thinned it out while they were in the bathtub. They really hate it when I use the thinning shears. I think perhaps because the hairs are longer when they come out? I'll have to post pictures of them...The Younger's do is looking a little "bowly" but is very cute when it is "styled." The Elder has such thick wavy hair that, now that it has grown out to tame the crazy cowlicks, always looks so cute and "moppy."

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The Elder loves to help me check the mail because he likes the magazines. His favorites are the Oriental Trading Company, Lilly's Kids, Birthday Express, and any Toy Mag. He just studies the pictures (and probably the words) over and over and over again. He has a pile of them in his bedroom that he rotates looking through (as in a single one, everyday for a month or so, then next one, etc.). At bedtime the other day, The Younger pulled one out as his bedtime book to read. The Elder immediately went to rescue the mag (The Younger can be a little rambunctious). Suddenly we hear....

rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

The Elder gasps.

Me and The Hub assume the position to intervene imminent combat.

"It's OK." The Elder says is the most cheerful voice, "Everyone can make mistakes."

Cue: dropped mouths, and then pride rushed over us as the confusion began to subside.

You can totally tell he was quoting The Teacher (because we didn't teach him that line), but he has been given the tools to cope. Gotta love Early Intervention! I mean, most typical 4 year olds wouldn't react that way! There would be an all-limb brawl!

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The Elder's current bedtime book is Easy Street. He has read it so much he has it memorized. Therefore I think he gets a little bored at bedtime now because he finds the book and then runs around the room instead of anxiously awaiting the story. You would think he would pick a different book if he was bored, but Noooooooooooooooooo he just has to make it not boring.

I so wish I had had an audio recorder or video or something last night. The Elder was conducting a group recitation.

"Daddy, it's your turn."
"Sticky Street, sticky Street..."
"STOP! It's my turn....'soft to spread. Squeeze it out....' STOP! Mommy, it's your turn."
"like jam on bread."
"STOP! Go back. Just say 'jam.'"
"Jam..."
"STOP! OK it's brudder's turn."

Cue: The Younger staring at the book a little clueless. The Elder leans over and whispers in his ear...

"Say 'on bread.'"
"On bread." (whispering back)
"Good!"

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Like I mentioned to Tulipmom, it's the little milestones....

PS. How do you like my new theme???? Thanks to Amy at Split Decisions for tips.

They really like me...

2008-03-01T20:30:00.005-05:00

Maddy at Whitterer on Autism was kind to send me the "Less than three" award. She received it from “Kelley” over at “Magnetoboldtoo” which she made herself!!!

This is how she describes it:-

“Now the explanation. When the girls and I want to express our mutual admiration in public we say ‘Less than Three’. If you look at it sideways:

It looks like a heart."

Now I have been procrastinating on passing this one on because I do not have 28 friends nor do I have 28 blogs that I read consistently enough to know if they are all blog award worthy (though I'm sure they are!). I was hoping that by now I would have 28 friends, but alas, I do not. So I'm going to start a new tradition....I'll pass it on to "less than 3" people. That's 2 for us math challenged people. It could also be 1 or none, if you want to get really technical about it.

So I am going to pass this one on to my newest fave blogger Angela aka Chaotic Mommy, because I love her humor, her style, her stamina, and her new blog theme and signature!

And then to my friend, Mandolin Mom at Notable Adventures, not only because I <3 your blog but because I <3 you!! For the unknowing, MM is also my neighbor. We meet in the street for an occasional transaction. Usually involves purses, makeup, and/or a new treo thingy. Hahahaha! Love ya babe!

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Now I'm laughing at the circle of life. Who was it who said what goes around comes around? Well, about 30 seconds after I posted this comment to Maddy, I received this comment from Miss Nelson! Thus I had to come back to Maddy with this: "I guess I smell of sawdust too...."

Thank you Miss Nelson from Meaningful Outcomes for your pleasant comment and the cutest darn award I've ever seen! Look at the monkey! =o)

OK, I can't resist, I have to pass this on to the GFCF Mommy, Katherine. Why? because bananas are GFCF!! However, they ARE radioactive. Just ask my nerdy nuclear Hub. BTW, Katherine, we are loving Pamela's...makes great french toast!!

Surviving the diagnosis

2008-03-01T01:01:00.007-05:00

updated on 3/1/08 8:23AM
Here were my thoughts of the email I received:

We have lots of theories of why The Hub "survived" without a diagnosis. For one, he has a very tolerant and patient mother. Also, he attended a private Catholic school where every student basically has an IEP except the program was called IGE (Individually Guided Education). When he was in the 1st grade he tricked his mom into believing that he had to read 3rd grade level books for homework (Now who lies about doing extra, and extra hard homework??). But each student has their own set of educational goals and the ratios were small enough that each student receive a fair amount of one on one attention.

He has always had sensory issues both seeking and defensiveness, especially tactile and auditory. He loves to rub his feet on the carpet still. I tried it once and said that does feel good, and he looks at me like, See? I told you!

As far as socially, he has the same friends he did when he was in kindergarten to this day he keeps up with all 3 of them, even though one isn't even in the US any more. He is pretty loyal (or routine? - no offense to his friends...). Once he was in college he joined a fraternity at the bidding of a friend. That experience did much to expand his social skills. Lots of trial and error opportunities there to populate his database of what not to do. Luckily he's so darn cute and witty and charming that on the occasions that maybe he could have handled a social situation better, he was forgiven.... or forgotten if they weren't sober enough to remember the diss.

And then of course, the theory that he met me. Ha ha! Just kidding. Well, kinda. Seriously, I'm just as quirky as he is and honestly I kinda liked the fact that he did not care one bit what I thought about him, and vice versa. I knew that I could be myself with him without the fear of being judged and demeaned. I loved that he wasn't afraid to sing to me. I come from a very musical family and that did not intimidate him at all. In fact, he even knows he can't carry a tune in a bucket but he will sing his heart out to in front of me. I loved that he would take over the conversation and go on and on and on about vectors and soccer and nuclear nerdy stuff. Yes I thought that was endearing and different because I was so used to putting my brain on pause for social situations. I fell in love with every Aspergian trait that he didn't hide.

So how did the diagnosis become a sigh of relief??? How did it practically save our marriage? Because I learned some simple yet huge lessons on how to deal with him. Every thing that we had ever fought about could be traced to an Aspergian source. As we advanced in our social status from boyfriend/girlfriend to fiancee to spouse to parents to parents with special needs kids, we were getting into unbroken ground and his database of what not to do did not carry enough data for us to survive all the changes (mind you it was about a 7 year span). The Aspergian traits that I didn't fall in love with started to come out of hiding. To the point there were less times of the day when I was madly in love with him. I don't say that lightly. There are times even today that all I have to do is look at him and he will do something so innocently that it brings me back to day one. (There I go again being a big cheesehead...Go Packers!)

How we "Survived" the Diagnosis...

There were times that I would go OVER the top just to get a reaction from Mr. Roboto.
I mean I would suggest things WAAAYY out there to try to "get" him to realize how he was driving me crazy, without actually outright saying that I was frustrated with him. I ~~probably~~ know I said some very hurtful and damaging things to him when he didn't "get" it. Luckily he has a terrible memory so perhaps it was not long-term damage, I hope...

Now, I am sorta of on autopilot that whenever I get a tinged of annoyance at his reaction or non-reaction to something. Instead of blowing up, I ask myself, "so what led to this?" I can even ask him that if he is present because he accepts his diagnosis and he is a smart thinking adult who is a master of logic. Like if I asked if he could do me a favor and he pauses and then says, OK. I might say, "OK I don't mind doing that or OK if I have to I will?" Or I might follow up my request with "I need you to do that as soon as you can" or "I'm not in a hurry for that" or "It's ok to say no" (I don't say that one alot!).

Lesson #1: Don't assume anything. Be frank and specific and ask questions to clarify.

There were times when I wondered if he even knew that I existed or wondered if he would miss me if something were to happen to me on the way home. He didn't do things like, tell me good-bye before he left for work, tell me that he loved me, acknowledge me when I came home from work, etc. I went years of feeling neglected until I finally said, "what would you think if something terrible would happen to me and you didn't kiss me good-bye or tell me you loved me?" He was mortified. Now when I see him do something that I don't care for or not do something I'd like him to do, I tell him right then. If I wait until I "cool off," he is thrown off guard and anxiety levels make him focus on the "off-guard" part, and not the solution. But hey, now he hugs and kisses me everyday before he goes to work and calls me on his way home (creature of habit).

Lesson #2: Don't wait until you explode later, blow up now and get it over with.
(ha! JK, it is better to confront in a calm voice. Blowing up just triggers the "off-guard" part which is what we want to avoid.)

There were times when I would be insanely jealous of the amount of time he would spend on things that contributed nothing to the bigger picture for our family. After almost 12 years of marriage and 2 kids, that gets old. Nothing wrong with living in the moment, but since I struggle with executive functioning myself, it was very frustrating because I was the only one who could communicate that with words. I felt like I was left to worry, think, plan all the important stuff and he got to do all the fun stuff. Now I know that he did those things because he was thinking about it at the moment. Not because they held a higher priority.

Lesson #3: Don't be afraid to help him re-prioritize his tasks.

My love language is Quality Time, and his is Acts of Service. So you know that Aspergian trait of PASSION? Geez, the dude does everything for everyone with a smile and willing heart. What's not to love about that? I LOVE that about him. But most of that requires him being a little busy bee, and none of it require sitting still to engage in a meaningful conversation with your wife. That actually sounds like a nightmare to an Aspergian. So somehow we had to make it a part of his routine...you know that need for routine...so we blocked off the calendar for a weekly date night.

Lesson #4: Put necessary things, events in his routine.

There are lots more I could talk about, but they would all fall under one of these general lessons. It all sounds so very corporate, but it works. There is a lot of delegation, supervision, incentives, etc. But we don't lack the fun and spontaneity and emotion that corporate does though. So much of this applies to how we handle our children and we don't think to use the same strategies with adults, especially with "mild" cases, it is so easy to assume things. The Hub is truly an amazing person when I think about what he has to do daily to appear "normal," something that most people would take for granted. So when people are shocked to find out that The Hub has Aspergers...what a compliment!

For Pete's sake...

2008-03-01T00:00:00.005-05:00

I found an article on Angela's site, Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy, and added the link to my sidebar a few days ago. At that time I also sent the link out to others in our family and asked them to forward it on to whomever would benefit from reading it.

I received this email from a family member who does read my blog regularly but has yet to click the "Post a Comment" link. In blogging jargon, that would be a lurker. I can hear The Elder saying, "I want to do that...I want to lurking." (Click here for that inside joke)

Hi Jennifer,

Thank you for the link. I just finished reading it and probably need to read it again, periodically. You and Terry have really done the right things, as far as I can see. You did not stick your heads in the sand, how could you. I can not imagine really the day to day difficulties. The fact is you have educated yourselves about autism, Aspergers, how Eric is affected, you experience them daily, and you are persistently getting Eric the help he needs. (I'll have Janet read the article, too.)

You have done marvelously. Honestly, when I think back to Terry as a young boy and even through today the major difficulty was/is his communication skills. His blogging has opened him up. He had some friends with whom he chose to be close and still is. But I never saw any problems for him that are similar to the ones Eric has. That is why I was surprised to learn that Terry also has Aspergers but I think it is probably been a mild (if you can apply that term to an Aspergers diagnosis) case.

I looked at the pictures you recently posted of Eric and Ryan at the McDonalds and how he was holding Ryan and see so much progress in how he was helping Ryan and told Janet about it. We see much improvement there. [...] I hope all the 'bugs' have left and you are all feeling better.

Pete

So much for anonymity, but you deserve the credit though! I was so taken by this gesture of familial support that I had to post it. Sorry for not waiting for your "official" ok to do that. (But hey, it's MY blog!) Nonetheless, thank you thank you thank you!

My thoughts on the email in the next post...

Here is the original article:

Especially for Grandparents of Children With Asperger Syndrome

by Nancy Mucklow

If your grandchild has been newly diagnosed, then welcome to the world of Asperger Syndrome. It is a mysterious and sometimes overwhelming world, but it is not one to be afraid of. Even if you are saddened, disappointed or angry about the diagnosis, keep in mind that it’s for the best. The earlier the diagnosis, the earlier the intervention, and the better the prognosis in the long run.

For some grandparents, the news seems to come right out of the blue. Sure, there were difficulties at school - but then, school isn’t as strict as it used to be. And yes, there were some problems at home, but none of them sounded like anything that “good old-fashioned discipline” couldn’t solve. Why, then, do the parents seem to be clinging to this diagnosis as if it were a life-raft in the high seas? And why are counsellors, psychologists, occupational therapists and special education teachers suddenly getting involved?

Is this child really so different?

As grandparents, you have a lot of questions to sort out. But along with the confusion comes an opportunity to get involved where you are really needed. Children with Asperger Syndrome have a special need in their lives for ‘safe’ people who won’t criticize them or put them down for their differences. They need loving, non-judgmental grandparents who accept them as they are and make a place for them in their lives. If you can reach out to them, they will treasure your relationship with them for the rest of their lives.

I’ve read articles about Asperger Syndrome. But I still don’t understand what it is.

Asperger Syndrome is a type of autism, and autism is a neurological disorder that affects the way a person interacts with others and his or her world. It’s not a mental illness, and it is not caused by weak parenting. In its more severe forms, it’s a disorder because it causes disorder in the life of the child. In its milder forms, it is more of a marked difference from the norm. In our culture, which judges people on the way they interact with others, these disorder-differences can have a profound impact on a person’s life.

You’ve probably heard the parents complaining about the difficulties they’ve had with the child in the home - obsessive behavior, irrational outbursts, wild fears, and irritability over the smallest issues. These problems are not misbehaviors, but rather the child’s responses to an inability to comprehend what is going on around them and inside them. Some experts have called it a “mind blindness,” one that causes the person to stumble and bump into complex social situations that they can’t “see.”

Yet by effectively “blinding” the mind to certain aspects of daily life, Asperger Syndrome enables the child’s mind to focus in a way that most of us are incapable of. They feel their feelings more intensely, experience texture, temperature and taste more powerfully, and think their thoughts more single-mindedly. In many ways, this ability to focus is the great gift of Asperger Syndrome, and is the reason why a great number people with Asperger Syndrome have become gifted scientists, artists and musicians.

It is as if the Asperger brain is born speaking a different language. It can learn our language through careful instruction or self-instruction, but it will always retain its accent. While Asperger adults go on to successful careers and interesting lives, they will always be considered unusual people.

I’ve never heard of it before.

That’s not too surprising. Pediatricians don’t study it in medical school, teachers don’t learn about it in education college, and the mass media rarely covers it. Until the 1980s, the condition didn’t even have a name, even though Hans Asperger’s original work was done in the 1940s. It is only very recently that the condition has received much attention at all. However, as professionals are becoming more informed about the condition, they are discovering that there is a fair amount of Asperger Syndrome out there.

You may remember an “odd” child from your grade-school years - one that had no friends, who was always preoccupied with some obsessive interest that no one else cared about, who said the strangest things at the strangest times. Though the syndrome has only recently been named, these children have been living and growing up alongside other children for centuries. Some have become successful and happy as adults despite their undiagnosed problems, teaching themselves over time how to navigate around their deficits. Others have gone on to live lives of confusion and frustration, never understanding why the world didn’t make much sense to them.

With the recognition of Asperger Syndrome, we now can give a new generation of Asperger children a chance at the same kind of life that other children have.

Great. So how do we fix it?

We can’t fix it. Despite all the marvels of modern science, there are still some problems that can’t be cured. Nobody knows what causes Asperger Syndrome, though most scientists acknowledge a genetic factor. So the deficits your grandchild has can only be understood, minimized and worked around. They will require accommodating on everyone’s part. But in time, with proper programming, the child’s behavior and understanding of the world should improve.

Specialized therapies for autism disorders are available, but in most cases, the parents must bear the full cost. This can cause tremendous financial strain on the family. In addition, while most regions require specialized programming for Asperger children, these programs are rarely sufficient for the child’s needs. So the parents must fill in the gaps with their own home-made programming.

Drug therapies are also sometimes available in cases where extreme behavior needs to be controlled. But these drugs don’t treat the cause of Asperger Syndrome. So even if some of the symptoms can be relieved with drugs, the central problems still remain.

A lot of kids have these sorts of difficulties. It’s just a part of growing up, isn’t it? After all, he looks perfectly normal to me.

He is normal. And he has the capacity to grow up to become a wonderful, normal adult - especially now that he has been diagnosed and is receiving special training. But he is normal with a difference.

The deficits that comprise Asperger Syndrome are not always readily apparent, especially in milder cases. The child is usually of average intelligence or higher, yet lacks what are essentially instincts for other children. If your grandchild seems “perfectly normal” despite the diagnosis you’ve been told about, then he is probably working very hard to make sure he fits in - and it’s not as easy as it looks.

It is best to treat your grandchild for what he is - normal. But be prepared to take some advice from those closest to him regarding what is the best way to handle certain situations.

It may not look like much to you, but Asperger Syndrome is a cause for concern. It’s not at all the same thing as the sort of developmental delay that some children experience, and a professional trained in its diagnosis can determine the difference. Certainly misdiagnoses are possible. But in such cases, it’s always wiser to err on the side of caution. The wait-and-see method is risky when there is evidence suggesting a neurological problem.

So what if she doesn’t do what other kids do? She’s advanced for her age.

Unchildlike behavior doesn’t mean that a child is “too smart” for play-dough and playgrounds. Even if she is smart, she still needs to learn the skills of play, because play is how children learn - about things, about life, and about each other. Precociousness is cute and is sometimes a source of pride for grandparents, but it is also often an indication that there is an underlying problem that needs to be addressed - and the earlier the better.

If Asperger Syndrome is genetic, then does that mean we have it too?

You might, or you might not. Usually at least one of the parents has some Asperger qualities to their personality, and so it seems likely that the same might be true of the grandparent generation.

But before you get defensive, remember that Asperger Syndrome shouldn’t be regarded as a source of family shame. It’s a difference more than a disorder. And we know it takes all kinds of people to make the world go around. Many famous people are believed to have had Asperger Syndrome, including Albert Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, Anton Bruckner, and Andy Warhol. It seems a touch of autism often brings out genius.

And that’s not such a bad thing to have in the family!

What if I don’t believe the diagnosis?

That’s your privilege. But keep in mind that the child’s parents believe it. They live and work with the child daily and are in a unique position to notice the deficits. Because they care deeply about that child’s future, they aren’t concerned about the stigma of a label, as long as it means the child is eligible for the specialized programming she needs. They have put their pride aside for the sake of the child and expect the same from the rest of the family.

Consider carefully what could possibly be gained by refusing to believe the diagnosis. Then consider what could be lost. The parents are already living with a great deal more stress than other parents, and they don’t need the added strain of skeptical or judgmental grandparents. Otherwise you may suddenly be faced with the pain of being unwelcome in your grandchild’s home.

The child’s mother looks exhausted all the time. Could that be a cause?

It’s more likely an effect. Consider what her life is like: she has to constantly monitor what is going on regarding her Asperger child, thwart anything that might trigger a meltdown, predict the child’s reactions in all situations and respond immediately, look for opportunities to teach the child social behavior without creating a scene, and so on - every minute, every day. So it’s not surprising that she doesn’t feel like sitting down for a cup of tea with you and making small talk!

The truth is that the majority of mothers of Asperger children struggle with depression. While the special services she will receive over the next few years should help in some ways, she will still be the one to deal with the day-to-day difficulties of raising an unusual child. For many mothers, this means ceaseless work, often to the exclusion of their own needs. Their physical, mental and emotional exhaustion can have a profound effect on the health and happiness of the entire family.

For this reason, mothers of Asperger children need those closest to them to give their full, unconditional support, both in words and in action.

I’d like to help out and get involved. But my son and his wife always get defensive no matter what I say.

Your son and daughter-in-law are now so used to defending their child that it comes as second nature. Give them some time. Once they are more certain of your support, they will be less sensitive.

In the meantime, think carefully before you speak. Choose expressions that suggest sympathy and genuine curiosity, and avoid those that convey criticism. For example, instead of saying ‘He looks perfectly normal to me’, you can say ‘He’s doing really well.’ Phrase ideas as questions, not judgments by saying ‘Have you thought about…’ rather than ‘It’s probably…’.

The most destructive things you can say are those that convey your lack of trust in their ability to parent, your disdain for the diagnosis, and your unwillingness to make accommodations. Here are some real-life examples gathered from mothers of Asperger children:

‘Just let him spend more time with us. We’ll whip him into shape!’
‘She may act that way at home, but she’s not going to do that in MY house!’
‘He wouldn’t act this way if you didn’t work.’
‘I managed all by myself with four kids. You’ve just got two, and you can’t handle them!’
‘Don’t believe everything those psychologists tell you. He’ll just grow out of it, wait and see!’
‘There’s nothing wrong with her. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Are you sure you’re not the one that needs to see a psychologist?’
‘He’s having all these problems because you took him out of school for that home-schooling nonsense.’
‘Everybody’s got to have a problem with a fancy name these days!’
‘All you ever do is complain about how hard your life is.’

Ouch!

Keep in mind that parents of Asperger children face these hurtful, humiliating attitudes every day - from bus drivers to teachers, doctors to neighbors. Their tolerance level for such opinionated criticism is low, especially since they spend every bit of their energy raising their difficult child. So avoid insensitive comments at all costs. And if you unwittingly blurt out something the wrong way, be sure to apologize.

So then what can I do for them?

Look for ways to be supportive. Let them know that there is another heart tugging at the load - and it’s yours. Keep on the lookout for articles about Asperger Syndrome and send them copies. This shows that you are interested. Ask lots of questions about the special programs the child is in. Be enthusiastic and optimistic. Let them know you think they’re doing a great job. At other times, be a sympathetic sounding board when they have difficult decisions to make, or when they just need to tell someone what an awful day they’ve had.

If you live close by, consider how much you can help by giving the parents an evening out. If you’re not certain how to handle the child on your own, then spend some time shadowing the parents to learn how to do it - or offer to babysit after the child is in bed. Whatever you can do to help will be appreciated.

What does my grandchild need from me?

He needs to know that you are a safe haven in a bewildering world. It may seem a lot to ask to be flexible with a child who appears to be misbehaving, but inflexibility will only put distance between you and the child. If the child’s manners and mannerisms drive you crazy, ask the parents for suggestions on how to set expectations for your house.

Learn to listen to the child when he says he doesn’t want to do something. Maybe some children are happy to spend a couple of hours at a flea market, but think very carefully before dragging an Asperger child there. Accommodate to his needs, or you run the risk of ruining your time together.

When in doubt, ask the parents for advice.

But in general, just make the decision now that you will spend your time enjoying the child for what he is - a unique and unusual person. That annoying stubborn streak you see in him is going to be his greatest survival skill. And even though he seems to be afraid of just about anything, recognize that he is like a blind person - it takes tremendous courage for him just to walk through each day. Celebrate his courage and tenacity.

To tell the truth, I don’t feel comfortable around my grandchild. I have no idea what to do when she acts in her odd ways.

No one said it would be easy. But most Asperger kids are easiest to handle in one-on-one situations, so look for opportunities to go for walks or spend time in the workshed puttering around together. Tell your grandchild your stories, especially those that touch on aspects of her life affected by Asperger Syndrome. She will love hearing about the time when you were a girl that you blurted out the secret, or how difficult it was for you to learn to tie your shoes. You might tell her about times you wished you knew how to say something, or times when you wanted to be alone. Stories like these can create a powerful bond between you and your grandchild.

You may discover that all she wants to talk about is her pet subject. Don’t despair. If it’s something you know nothing about, then this is an opportunity to learn something. Search for some magazine articles on the topic so that you always have something new to share together. In time, you may find that you have ideas for helping her expand her interests into other subjects. But even if you do nothing more than listen and share her enthusiasm for her favorite topic in the whole world, your grandchild will learn that Grandma cares.

When you spend time with her with other people or in public places, it might be helpful to think of yourself as a seeing-eye dog. Remember, she is “blind” in certain ways. Point out trouble-spots and guide her around them, explain social situations that she can’t “see,” and narrate what you are doing as you do it. By doing so, you’ll help her to feel more secure with you, and you’ll be actively participating in her special programming.

One word of caution: watch the emotional levels. Asperger children often have great difficulty sorting out emotions. If you get angry, the child could lose control because she is unable to deal with your anger and her own confusion at the same time. Reign in your temper when the child is clumsy, stubborn, or frustrated. In situations where you feel you really need to be firm, keep your tone calm, your movements slow and even, and tell the child what you’re going to do before you do it. Get advice from the parents how to deal with little meltdowns so that you are prepared in advance, but do your best to avoid triggering them.

Here are some simple DO’s and DON’T’s to remember when spending time with your grandchild:

* Do praise the child for his strengths.
* Do get involved in the child’s interests.
* Do learn what sorts of activities are recommended for the child.
* Do acknowledge the child’s expressions of frustration.
* Do respect the child’s fears, even if they seem senseless.
* Do control your anger.
* Don’t tell the child she will outgrow her difficulties.
* Don’t joke, tease, shame, threaten, or demean the child.
* Don’t talk to him as if he were stupid.
* Don’t compare him with his siblings.
* Don’t feel helpless - ask for help.

©Nancy Mucklow

The author, Nancy Mucklow, is a journalist and parent of a child who is diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. She wrote this article in the hopes that it would be shared with grandparents of children diagnosed with AS. Please feel free to copy or download and share this article.

A little personal touch...

2008-02-29T23:22:00.002-05:00

Thanks Angela for the tip to see Amy for this nifty idea for a signature. I love it! I couldn't quite find one on her resource that looked enough like my handwriting so with the magic of a sharpie and a scanner....voila! It's a little sketchy (pun intended) but if I have time in the future I may update it, unless enough people tell me that it is cute and I should stop obsessing over it and let it go already, geez.

Also visit Angela's site for the video and link to sign up for Earth Hour. I love knowing that over here in the mountains I can help the whole world in an hour! Join us on March 29th! (Plus you won't forget my birthday! Maybe I'll let my birthday candles burn for an hour that night....all 29 of them! tee hee)

Spring Cleaning

2008-02-29T00:01:00.001-05:00

Click here and your screen will be cleaned automatically!!
You'll be glad you did!

I have a lot of stuff to go through before next week's Children's Clothing Sale. (Last year I even found somethings that I swear might have fit me! Well maybe before I got my postpartum hips.) They don't just take clothes, but also toys, books, strollers, etc. So I'm excited about getting rid of some stuff. We have already passed on a ton of stuff to our Hansen pals. I think Izzy might have to grow into the stuff. I kept the 2 preemie outfits that The Younger wore. The Elder was naked in the bili-lights so much after birth that I don't think he ever wore preemies. He was closer to normal size anyway so he may not have ever worn them. Boy did I digress.

I think I'm losing my voice. The Hub says, "yeah, you're starting to sound froggy." I personally refer to it as my sexy voice. Sexy is much better than Froggy wouldn't you say?
Anyhoo, I have a retreat to go to this weekend so I will probably completely lose my voice by Sunday.

Well, Happy Leap Year everyone!

Au natural

2008-02-28T11:26:00.004-05:00

I had to quote this article I was reading...

Educational Intervention
Because children with Asperger's Syndrome may differ widely in terms of IQ and ability levels, schools should learn to individualize educational programs for these children.
Some of them may cope well in a mainstream class with additional support, while others may need to receive specialized education. In all cases, teachers should be aware of the special needs of Asperger's children, who often need a great deal more support than first appears necessary.

...because it really helped me with why an Aspergian is considered to have "Special Needs." So often I look at how well The Elder is doing and enjoy the normality of these moments. But then cringe at the thought of him being in a "normal" Kindergarten.

So what is the deal with herbal remedies anyway? What is the best approach to using this method with kids? Some of the stuff on there I wanted for myself! Ha!

As I told The Hub I didn't want to get caught up in the hype of this article, but would really want to do it if I could find a trusted source.

Not a plug

2008-02-25T20:47:00.004-05:00

In case you didn't get to see these videos or slideshows:

Click on the picture to take you to the video of this. Background info here at this post.

The Need for Routine

This is what he was jamming to.... He has actually told me that he wants one! Hey, buddy...stand in line! I think he thinks it shakes and changes all of those colors by itself. I got a demo one from the company and he is totally enamored with it. Of course I won't let him have it. Can't have my boy wearing blue eyeshadow!

Here they should have had a plug. Apparently there is a quarter of a bottle of bubble bath in there.

Tulipmom, if you look closely at the first few you can see the red walls in my Master Bathroom.

And, no, I wasn't present at the time these picture were taken. As a matter of fact, the first knowledge I had of it was when I got home after work that night and check my Reader and saw it online! I holler over to The Hub, "When did this happen?"

"Oh, about an hour ago..."

To his merit, he cleaned it up really well before I got home.

Quotables and Doc results

2008-02-25T12:15:00.006-05:00

I have to capture today's conversations before I forget!

--------------------------------------------------

On the way home from The Child Psych that dx The Elder he says...

"Now we go to a house.....it starts with a J........he's my friend......and there's a Thomas, Percy, James..."
"OK, I'll call Joshua's mom right now to set a time."
"You're right!! You guessed Joshua's house!"

--------------------------------------------------

"OK I left a message for Joshua's mom to call me back."
"We can go to his house and wait for him."
"No, that's called stalking."
"I want to do that....I want to stalking."

--------------------------------------------------

"Let's figure out what we will eat."
"I want to go to Buddy's"
"We have Buddy's at home."
"But I want to GO to Buddy's"
"If we GO anywhere if won't be Buddy's because we have that at home."
"I want pizza."
"Well, I don't know how to make daddy's pizza, but we can stop at Go Nutrition and get a frozen pizza." (Sad, I know)
"Sure!" (more like "shore")

"Um, this is the part to our house."
"The part?"
"Yes"
"Do you mean path?"
"Yes"
"As in the road to our house?"
"Yes"
"You're right it is, but it is also the road to Go Nutrition."

As we pull into the parking lot of the store...
"Ooohhhhhh, I think you guessed right."

--------------------------------------------------

Now we are on the way home from the store pulling into the subdivision...
"We are almost home."
"Yes, which way do we go." I've never asked him to navigate before...
"I fink we go right."
"OK now we are going right, now what?"
"Next is left
.....you go straight for the wrong way...Eliza lives there. (classmate)
.....Another straight and right
.....Good, mommy, you found the right road
.....now there a little tiny curve...you pass this house...and our car goes there...and you push the button (for garage door)
.....You did it!!"

--------------------------------------------------

Mind you that ALL happened in the 20 minute ride home (not including the pit stop at the store).

On a completely different note, yet related because this is where we were driving home from...we met with The Child Psych for a re-evalution. Well, "improvement" is an appropriate word for the outcome. In 8 months he went from a nonverbal IQ of 130 (or 7 years 4 months equivalent when he was 3 years, 10 months) which is the 98th percentile, to a nonverbal IQ of 146 (or 11 years 9 months equivalent now he is 4 years and 7 months) which is in the 99.9th percentile. We were totally blown away. I mean we knew he was gifted but gee whiz.

He also improved in the picture naming verbal test - he went up to 73rd. But his Listening Comprehension skills were still low (31st percentile) and dragged his Overall Verbal score from 68th last June to 50th percentile today. He said not to worry about that. I guess it is average. And for comprehension, it doesn't cause a buzz in the school unless it is less than 25%. His main concern was with prepositions.

Other tests he took were
Reading - 1.9 grade level
Reading Comprehension - 1.4 grade level
Math - K.8 grade level

For the Math tests he was 5 years and 10 months equivalent on one and 6 years on the other. He said that those are probably low compared to his actual ability because the test involves a lot of Listening Comprehension skills.

He stressed for us to have a Social curriculum, encouraging pretend play, game play (balls, chase, and imitation) and with the trains to have a double approach:

1) Limit his talk about trains. E.g. 15 minutes of talking about animals
2) Broaden his love of trains. E.g. to maps to geography OR to gears to electronics to Audio/Visual components. Something pre-vocational.

He said one kid started at trains and has broadened his love to studio production and has visited the Veggie Tales Studio in Nashville. I didn't even know there was one! We are so going there!

As far as the Kindergarten concern, he really advocates him going to Kindergarten next year. His ideal situation would be for The Elder to go to the transition class if it is approved and go to 1st grade from there (instead of K). He said academically he is already a 1st grader so he really just needs a year to develop his social skills. He predicts in a year he will be reading at a 4th grade level and to put him in Kindergarten is just asking for boredom and behavior problems not even linked to ASD. (That is with a transition year and then K). So it is still up in the air as of what to do.

Has anyone been in this situation and glad of your decision or wish you had made a different one? I really need opinions on this!

Attempt to be a poet

2008-02-25T10:49:00.001-05:00

What is a Haiku?
Does it have to have purpose?
So much for trying...

inspired by Niksmom

Thank you...Thank you very much...

2008-02-24T23:48:00.006-05:00

Karen at Beyond Understanding bestowed upon me the Beauty Within Award. It originated from MonkeyGirl, who designed it for Joeymom, who passed it on to Niksmom, who passed it on to Kristen and Karen...there! It's the game of six degrees! Sorta kinda. Anyhoo...

Thanks Karen for sending this my way. Like I said, it means a lot to me. When I think I'm being whiny and kicking myself for it, I'll picture this tree and treasure all the blessings and miracles I have in my life!

You know...I'm gonna get a little cheesy here so just to forewarn you. But I want to pass this to The Hub. This tree reminds me of him so much. Simple life and so grounded with stronger roots than anyone will ever see. The complex wiring of the branches are what make the tree so beautiful.

This is something that he would like to photograph. Before I met him I might have been a potted plant staring at the ground, missing all of the majesty surrounding me. He reminds me to stop among the hustle and bustle around us, and savor something beautiful; something seemingly simple, yet so detailed; He taught me the motto "take lots of pictures" and I see him chasing the craziest things to photograph, but he can find the beauty in everything and everyone. Thank the good Lord he stuck with me in my ugliest moments!

I love you, babe!

Now for that list...

2008-02-21T23:02:00.002-05:00

I thought I would go ahead and knock out the quotables I need to journal about...

"We are going to Lolo and Lola's house this weekend."
"You mean the big house that is far far away?"
(My parents live in SC which is an 8 hour drive. This was the 3rd time we have driven there since Christmas, including Christmas. Last time he said, "I fink Lola's house is a very long time." So his syntax has improved in just one month!)

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Valentine's Day and the case of the crabby patty
Picture speak louder than words so check out the web album. I did finally find the missing crabby patty...it was in my PJ's pocket! Hahahahaha...
BTW, just in case Kara reads this, since it takes FOREVER for us to get together, there is a Valentine here waiting for Joshua and Mrs. Lovett. His choice when I asked, "Who else would you like to send a Valentine to?" Isn't that sweet. The other sweet thing is when he was picking out Joshua's Valentine, he choose the one that said "Best Friends." Double sweet!!

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While I'm on the same subject...
The Kiddos have rekindled my love for Veggie Tales. I really thought that The Elder would enjoy the music (silly songs) but I never really could get the regular episodes to hold his attention. Well, The Younger fell in LOVE with a Veggie Tales CD-Rom that ~~The 6yo With No Tooth~~ The Cousin formerly known as The 6yo With No Tooth, so when I went to Sam's Club I saw a double feature Silly Songs Set. They both have worn them out. The Elder has his favorite which "I can be your friend." He literally played it over and over again....practically the entire 8 hour drive home, and then again once we were home. He sang it for everyone. Then he looks at me and says,

"Gotta go to Joshua's house and sing this song?"

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We celebrated the birthday of ~~The Cousin formerly known as The 8yo with The Bendy Glasses~~ The 9yo with The Bendy Glasses last weekend while we were in SC and truly had a good time. The SIL was very respectful of our gfcf diet and made sure we all had something we could eat. See The Brother's nerdy recap of the event. However, birthday cake is birthday cake and it is really hard to make a tasty gfcf birthday cake so we were building up the stamina for the approaching time that we would have to tell The Elder that he couldn't have cake.

When the announcement was made that the cake was ready, The Elder came up to me very calmly and said, "Do I get cake?"

I was so proud of him for, first, being aware that he does have dietary restrictions, and second, getting permission first before having to go through the ordeal of taking it away from him. I was so happy that I kept trying to think of a way that he could indulge...finally I look at The SIL and say, no cake, just icing.... Now what parent would ever say something like that?? But you know what...he was satisfied and probably had the least amount of calories in his little icing "volcano" than those who ate their whole piece of cake.

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"On Valentine's Day I can wear my Thomas shoes....after President's Day I can wear my School shoes."
"What about on President's Day?"
"I saaaaiiiiiidddd AAAAFTER President's Day."
"What shoes will you wear on President's Day?"
"But there's just no school on President's Day."

Hahahahha

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"Is that your dog?" said the man who helped us move furniture this weekend to The Elder.
"Yes, it's just Skip."
"Can I take him home with me?"
"Um...you can just go to the pet store."

In other words, get your own dog! Hardy har har.

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"I think I want to move your computer to that corner of the room. Do you think you would like that?" (Always have to research if we will have a meltdown or not)
"Sure!"
"Well I have to wait for your daddy to come home because I can't do it by myself."
"You can keep trying!"

I'm so proud of him!!!

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Food...it's all in the presentation...

"I want Peanut Butter Bread."

We use natural peanut butter and tapioca bread, but The Hub and I have a passion for this, and we found it while we were in SC and bought 2 jars of it. Unfortunately The Elder saw it. Not knowing there was a difference in the PBs we use, The AP had accidentally been making their PB bread with the fattening, not-so-good for you PB. And being the Aspergian he is, The Elder REMEMBERED every detail of the label that at a simple glimpse he knew he wanted it.

So The Hub goes to make his snack and pulls out the Natural Peanut Butter that we usually use. The Elder would have been totally fine with it if he hadn't first spied the yummy one.

"I want the peanut butter with the BLUUUUUEEEE lid, not the peanut butter with the Lellow lid."

So being the smarty pants Hub he is, The Hub switched the lids on the peanut butter behind his back and we got NO complaints! Ha!

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Be sure to check out The Hub's post today for a good laugh. Sure would make a good wordless wednesday. I also put the web album in the sidebar...

Whew! I think I only have 2 things left from my list!!!
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Random pix

2008-02-21T10:14:00.003-05:00

Coupled with their love for their L-Maxes, I love that they are sharing their space now. Yes that is one chair!

No words were exchanged between these boys. The Boy with the GameBoy continued to play while The Elder casually looked over his shoulder...for 15 minutes! However, it didn't hold The Younger's attention for much longer past this snapshot.

The McDonald's that we always stop at on the way home from SC. I like to let them run around to break up the 8 hours drive. Plus you can purchase just the grilled chicken patty and get as GFCF as possible for only $2!!
Last trip I had to climb up into this contraption to rescue The Younger. It doesn't matter that I'm only 5 feet, my back was hurting from having to crawl through that. Next time I'll take a picture of the whole thing. Anyhoo, this trip The Younger is a big boy now because he was able to get thru the maze with some encouragement from his brother...I heard them talking at the top of the slide so I grabbed my camera real quick at the bottom of the slide and to my delight this is what I got a picure of!! Brotherly Love and Support. I love it! And who says he can't empathize???

Tag! You're It!

2008-02-20T21:31:00.003-05:00

OK, you fall off the earth and come up for air to find out you've been tagged for a fun thingy.

Thanks to Marla who tagged me with this:

The rules: Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. (No cheating!) Find Page 123. Find the first 5 sentences. Post the next 3 sentences. Tag 5 people.

From Delivered from Distraction:

Page 123 was actually the first page of chapter 12!

"However, with changes in the qEEG machine and alterations in the design of the research, a brain-wave pattern was identified that was characteristic of ADD.
"People with ADD tend to show a pattern of under-arousal in areas in the cortex, or outer layer, of the brain. This so-called cortical hypo-arousal is identified by the presence of more slow waves, or so-called theta waves, over fast waves, or so-called beta waves.

Geez! What a snoozer! No wonder I can't finish this book...

I tag:

GFCF Mommy

Maizie

Tulipmom

Karen

Mom to JBG

Check off another one, or two, maybe three...

2008-02-20T19:23:00.008-05:00

Got the bag today. It's absolutely beautiful! Thanks again Gwen!

Another link I want to throw out there is this extremely touching speech that Niksmom posted. Here is the transcript if you don't have time to watch the video, though the video is well worth the watch.

Also, thanks Karen for my award. I promise I will get to passing it on asap...

Now for that long laundry list of things I need to journal about....

Let's talk about the TEIS meet since I will be meeting with The Teacher tomorrow. Remember this conversation? and then this victory? Well, I met with the TEIS lady on the 11th (2 Mondays ago) and she interviewed me, a pretty standardized interview. Based on the results she agreed that she should send someone to the house to do an evaluation. I got a rush on the appointment because The Younger is having his Trigger Thumb annihilated on March 8th so we had to have it set before then (it was changed from Feb 15th to March because The AP has gone back to Brazil for 2 weeks to visit and renew her license and visa. Hey, I got to check off another one on my list! "The AP has left the building.") Well, this is the rule. He must be 25% delayed in 2 areas of development OR 40% delayed in 1 area in order to receive services from them. When i first heard that I got a little panicky and started to doubt myself and the need to actually have him evaluated. But the lady reassured me again that I was doing the best thing to get him checked out.

What surprised me was that from her interview, she found 2 areas of delay. I was pretty shocked because neither one of them was sensory processing - which in all fairness was not really a category. But he had delays in communication and fine motor skills. If you know my child, this was a huge shock to me. It must have shown on my face because she immediately started to explain why the results turned up that way. It is the fact that she doesn't form proper phrases until he is repeating a phrase he has already learned and that he tends to perserverate when he is anxious, hurt, or scared. A popular phrase is "I want mommy." Now to someone outside of our family that appears very normal, but he will continue to say this even when I'm clearly in site or even holding and comforting him. Hopefully that is just a phase.

(By the way, The Elder was jamming with some complete, sensible sentences, both questions, statements, and responses to questions....he got his IEP interim report today and it was the first grading period that he showed improvement!! He has already met the majority of his goals all in one interim!! And it only took 5 interim periods!)

The second delay was in fine motor which really threw me off. Mainly because it was his motor skills that pretty much sealed the deal for us to realize that The Elder was delayed in his motor skills - because The Younger was running circles around him, literally and figuratively, for example with feeding himself, opening water bottles, etc. Her explanation was not that he couldn't color, draw, cut, etc, but that he uses his fine motor skills inappropriately. He will break every crayon and peel the paper off of them, but won't color with them. He will take apart pens, flashlights, remote controls, and anything that he thinks he can take apart and sometimes successfully put them back together. He will crack open pistachios and mussels on the shell even though the taste of them repulses him. He just wants to open them for us to eat.

So once she explained all that I sat there with a "Hmmm!" look on my face. Not sure if I had caught on to any of that. And I was supposed to be paying attention! The only things that really got my attention was his anxiety and sensory issues. So we have his evaluation scheduled next week, thanks to the Trigger Thumb surgery. Else it might have been a month!

Would really like other people's input on this or their experience. I don't think he has ASD. I have another meeting with The Teacher tomorrow.

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The Need for Routine

There were actually a whole series of these but I could never get Picasa to upload them all. (Note to self: See your C: drive for the rest of these videos...)

If you click on the link above you will see a mighty hilarious show. What you would have gathered from the series of videos is that The Elder had created a little routine to the video. In the one video here it looks like just random "dancing" but it actually was a rather evolved routine. He even told me later, "when the pink lights come, I do this." and he struck a pose (the one where he kinds looks like superman about to take off). It was adorable. In each video there was an new step added to the routine somewhere in there. My favorite? The Jazz Hands (which actually looked like he was waving good-bye).

The more intriguing fact of this event, was that music video he was dancing to was on an informational DVD that directors receive early for the upcoming product launch. We are coming out with a very cool customizable compact (not trying to give myself a plug here but it really adds to the hilarity of this story) with interchangeable products. I guess the mechanical nature of the commercial really fascinated him. He kept telling me that he wanted one. Well, I got a free one when i was in Houston and he stole it from me!!! I gotta figure out how to get that back!

In previous videos if I can get The Hub to post it, you can see The Younger playing his "guitar" using a DVD. It is pretty funny. He said, "I play 'tar.....Daddy play cheese." He was using his camera to video it all. Get it? camera? cheese? Har har har!!

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Saw The Super Doc again today solo. I totally love her. How could I be so incredibly blessed to have resources in my life that I click with and truly have my best interest at heart. Keep in mind she is The Hub's Doc, but she wants to make sure that I am sane! I love it! Well, I'm one step closer to trying some treatment for ADHD. Sounds ridiculous to some but I am of the thought if I don't try it, I will never know if I need it or can live without it. So I have about a week until I see the Drug Doc.

fell off the OTHER side of the earth

2008-02-19T23:50:00.003-05:00

We are running out of sides of this grand planet to hide...

Yes we are all still trying to get rid of some bugs. I still have a sore throat. The Elder had a single bout of the big D yesterday so I kept him home just in case but he was fine today. We went to SC with a pretty good prognosis, but returned to TN to flurries! I told The Elder, quick come see the snow before it's gone! He dilly dallied like I was lying to him and with great shock and awe, exclaimed, "Yooooooouuurrrrr Right! It IS snowing." Clapped his hands together with brief excitement and then returned to the computer to "unpause" the Thomas video he was watching on YouTube.com.

So much has happened that I want to blog on that I don't know where to start.

I need to journal about

"giving The Skipperdoodle away"
"moving the computer furniture by myself"
"I can be your friend"
"asking permission to eat gluten and be glutton"
Valentine's Day and the case of the crabby patty
The big house that's far far away
Food...it's all in the presentation...
The AP has left the building
There's no school on President's Day
The TEIS meet
The furniture escapades
It's all in the BAG!
The Pit Stop
The Need for Routine (way overdue)

I'm sure there is more that I'm overlooking but at least I have a list to refer to when I get around to it all. For now, I will check an easy one off my list.

"It's all in the BAG!"
Being a mom, a wife, a business woman, and girlie girl...we have a lot of stuff and we need the perfect catchall bag to carry all that stuff we need to carrying around all the time. Since finding The Book, I have learned to analyze what works for me and what doesn't. My friend, Gwen at Gwendolyn's Gifts is making me a custom tote bag. Here was my request:

I had a thought ab what I need in a purse and when I came home tonight our au pair had something like it. I need something boxy shaped but not hard and not too big. Tough on the outside to suffer some abuse and a light colored lining so I can find things. Long enough straps the I can lift it onto my shoulders without getting my elbow hung. Shaped straps so I don't have to "find" them. Cute but professional. Classic so I can get a lot of use for a long time.

Whew...is tht a little high maintenance?

Gwen was extremely professional and invited me to her home to see some samples. I brought 2 bags that I love and told her what I didn't like about them. She also asked questions that I didn't even think about coming prepared for, like, what color do I want it to be? Seriously, I hadn't even thought of that! But also, what kind of pockets do I want on the inside? (Just one big one on the side that I can dump things into but find easily) and do I want it open or closed (we decided on a single magnetic closure for ease). She took like 4 measurements and this is what she created for me!! What is great is that the rose can be removed and worn as a pin too (another one of her brilliant ideas)! Pretty AND functional! My kinda bag! I haven't seen it in person yet but plan to pick it up tomorrow afternoon. I'm so excited about this I can hardly stand it. Anyhoo, check out her stuff. She is really good!

Bugs Bugs go away

2008-02-12T21:32:00.001-05:00

When I left town on January 28th, The Younger was throwing up in the car on the way to the airport (at Too Freakin' Early as the Hub so sweetly says).

Enter the bug fest...

It has since then manifested itself into each family member including The AP. The wet/cool/warm/cold/hot but windy weather has been of no help. The allergens in the lovely TN air from the mold make us feel so wonderfully stuffy. And we've been through 10 boxes of tissues Literally, because The Younger grabs a handful but thinks you only use one per wipe. He then stuffs it BACK into the tissue box - all of them - so we end of tossing a few off the top just in case. We don't want to play lottery with the boogies.

Both were well enough to go to church with me on Friday, but not well enough to not get sick again. So Sunday we missed church again because all 3 of my boys were sick. The Hub slept nearly the whole day on Sunday. The Elder didn't go to school yesterday because of yellowy stuff streaming from his nose. The Younger has been a cling-bot. The AP has laryngitis.

This morning The Elder had a fit to not go to school...

"I want circle pancakes!"

We have been making letter pancakes for sometime now (the royal we). This ended up in a naked battle (him not me) and the easy way/hard way conversation (without the third option). He finally gave in and settled for raisins in the car on the way to school and oatmeal at school. I told The Hub that The Teacher would not have approved of how we handled the situation, but heck, he was dressed, eating, and going to school. Mission accomplished.

The Younger was just as happy as a clam, observing the meltdown central that lasted nearly an hour (no joking). Then I went to work (in my office across from the kitchen) in my pjs, excited about getting something productive done since I felt well enough to do it. All of a sudden I hear wailing. Which is not uncommon when I've sneaked away to work and he can't find me. He only accepts that I'm working when I leave the house. But working IN the house means that I'm fair game to him, so I literally have to sneak around him. But this was different wailing, with intermittent "My ear hurts" between sobs.

Great an ear infection I bet. If he's anything like The Elder, by the time he complained about having RSV, the flu, and a double ear infection (all at the same time) he was on the healing side of the illnesses. Both kids have the pain tolerance of linebackers. But since he was wailing so hard (the real cry, not the fake, I want you attention, cry), I thought I better call the nurse. Well their phone line was BUSY!!! for an HOUR!!! Can you believe it? I even called The Hub at work to try to call too. Finally my heart was breaking enough that I just put him in the car and drove him to the pediatrician's office, getting a busy signal the whole way. About a mile away from the office I get a ring!! Hooray!! But then I was put on hold at the nurses station forever and was actually sitting in the parking lot waiting for a nurse to answer the phone. Finally I thought I would try the front desk instead (they only take appointments so I was trying to get in), but as soon as I hung up I was kicking myself because it was busy the next 3 times I called. Finally I just took him in. Because we were walk-ins he has to go through triage first. Well triage my foot. They looked at him from behind the reception desk and said come back at 3pm. I think that triage sign is just for looks so everyone will make an appointment.

Anyhoo, once we got back home, I gave him some tylenol and took a pretty long nap. As a matter of fact I had to wake him to take back at 3pm.

Aside, The Elder said he wanted to go to the doctor because there are toys there. I said, "not on the sick side." "Oh, then I fink I just stay here."

The whole trip back to the doctor he was my normal happy go lucky kid. "Does your ear still hurt?" "No." Great. All that trouble. Well, he's going to the doctor anyway! We are in the sick side of the waiting room and he's bouncing around and chattering away. Then we go to the exam room and he immediately begins to climb chairs and tables and create a hazard zone like only a 2 year old can. As soon as the nurse comes in - the deer in headlights. She leaves and he's tigger. Then the doctor comes in who happens the be the doctor who gave me the TEIS referral. I took the opportunity to talk to her in person about the TEIS meeting and she gave me some great insight on that. Someone remind to make a separate post about that.

She confirmed that he had a mild ear infection (a 2 on a scale from 0-4) and gave him a prescription which we don't plan on filling. She also isn't an advocate of anti-biotics so I was glad we were on the same page there. She said if it gets worse then start the antibiotics.

And me? I'm fine (knock on wood). I can tell the swelling is down in my glands are down so that is a good sign. Keep you fingers crossed that we will all be healthy before our trip to SC this weekend. Plus The AP is going back to Brazil for 2 weeks and I will really need all the health I can get!!

Find Out How to Get Support

2008-02-08T15:56:00.001-05:00

OK I've got a bunch of modest friends. Kudos to you Marla for posting a comment!! You get a big fat mwah from me!!!! Pass it on with pride and love (don't take the easy way like I did...)

Elissa and I have many crossover readers but I want to post this here to get additional feedback. Hop over to Elissa's post and post your comment. I'm going to quote here here for my journaling purposes:

From Managing Autism - A Personal View:
I mentioned in a post a couple of days ago, that my recent search for help and advice with Jack had people asking me where we usually turn for help and assistance when things get tough or ‘challenging’ or when we just need to talk through stuff…..

A friend of mine spoke to me recently about the troubles that she was facing with people close to her - that they were insensitive to her and her child in relation to her child’s autism. She was becoming increasingly upset with the thoughtless remarks, and was at a loss as to what to do and how to approach the issue with these people… particularly when many of the insensitivities were displayed in public and she didn’t want to cause any problems between herself and these people…..

And I posted a while ago on a topic that many parents of children with autism face - that of being judged by others, and the grief of self judgement.

So all of this has had me thinking… when times are difficult and especially challenging with our children, when people are insensitive to our needs and our children’s needs, and when we’re going through the times of self-judgement and judgement from others - where do we go for support, and who do we find support from…?

… and then how do we deal with the unsupportive influences in our lives…?

I am very fortunate to have my parents who are very supportive of Jack’s needs and our needs as a family. I also rely heavily on my blogging friends for a support network of others who are facing similar things in their lives - and who are very generous with advice and support! I visit an online forum when I can, and I do have a couple of friends who I can call on for a ‘chat’ when things get tough and I need a friendly understanding face.

And of course, there are a couple of people close to us who really have no interest in recognising Jack’s Autism Spectrum Disorder, or maybe they do recognise it, but they just don’t stop to think that perhaps their thoughts and actions (or lack of thought and action) are hurtful and unsupportive…

But where else does the support come from?

Some of the professionals and therapists we have worked with over time have been incredibly supportive - both practically speaking and from an emotional aspect as well…

… but what do people do, and where do people go when they have little support around them?

… and how do people handle others around them who are totally insensitive… surely there must be a way to deal with the thoughtless remarks whilst still maintaining some sort of relationship with people.

I’d really love to hear people’s thoughts and ideas on this… for myself, for my friend, and for all of us…

… after all, we all need support.

I had a strong reaction to the following comments:

Marita Says:
"The other problem is one sister-in-law and her husband who can not understand and think I am over reacting and there is nothing wrong. I emailed all our family when Heidi got into Kalparrin Early Intervention to celebrate our great news. Problem SIL reply was “and this is good?”."

Casdok Says:
"As to insensitive remarks, you do grow a thick skin. But sometimes it isnt enough."

Marla Says:
"We have lost lots of friends and I would say that visually M does not appear to have that many difficulties, at first. That could be why many friends just don’t get it. Over time they don’t want to hear about it and it really upsets me when they don’t offer any supportive words or go on and on about every little achievement their children are making and then act bored when I talk about M.
But, complaining does not help the situation. I guess I have found it is easier to let friends go and distance from family that just does not get it. I don’t have the energy anymore to put up with dumb comments."
Lou Says:
"And now Zach is in a school where they are ALL geeks, all brilliant - all special. So he doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb anymore. He fits in. And he has blossomed and prospered. Of all of the issues and people he has encountered in his life, it has been his contemporaries who have caused him the most bother. And now that he is in an environment where his contemporaries are just as blissfully unaware of their surroundings as he is - they don’t look for the ‘oddball’, single him out, verbally, emotionally and physically abuse him - he feels safe to be himself."

And I just love Sheri's attitude that she has learned to develop. I can relate to her comment in nearly every way.

Click here to view all of the responses thus far. I've only read the first 6 as of right now, as that is all there is but I suspect there will be more because this is an issue that truly needs addressing. You may not have a child with ASD, but maybe ADHD or some special needs. Where do you get your support?

♦XOXOXOXO♦

2008-02-06T14:49:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Tulipmom for awarding me a "chaste kiss given to say thank you for friendships and comments in the blogosphere." Highly ironic as I feel like I have been quite elusive these days in the blogosphere. It is nice to know I have not been forgotten! But one thing I wanted to pass on to The Hub is his contribution to her blurb on her post:

Thank you Jen for the award and even more importantly, thank you for sharing your son's and husband's journeys with Aspergers. As I've told you already, there's no question in my mind that your openness about your husband's struggle helped me come to my realization this past week. I will be forever grateful for that.

Need the background info on that? Click here, here, and here.

I know TM reads his blog too which I think is just as revealing and offers a different perspective than just me as the "poor wife" (not looking for sympathy with that one, anyone who is in our situation knows that at some point(s) you feel that way and wonder why me, but I can argue just as well that I am a very rich wife). TM, I'm so grateful for you too!! Here's 10 points coming your way!

If you haven't read The Hub's blog yet, ~~then you don't follow links very well as I think I link to him constantly if it isn't a race report or too graphic~~ take a moment to pop over and visit him. I think he is highly entertaining. I learn a lot from his blog...like how he liked POT enough to buy it but might now be regretting it...

I have a hard time giving out awards because I love everyone sooooo much (see my blogroll) and I cherish every comment that I get. And since I know that not every blog I read is in my blogroll, here's my chance to get to add you to it! So I guess everyone who comments to this post (well the good comments, that is) gets a big fat juicy one from me and I'll make it official in a subsequent post for you to pass on to your loved ones in the blogosphere.

Sick but productive...

2008-02-05T16:11:00.000-05:00

OK, I got my share of the bug... Getting over it as we speak but still haven't had anything to eat in over 24 hours. Almost 30 hours.

But the good news is that before I got sick sick yesterday I was able to get the TEIS referral for The Younger. The Teacher had coached me on what to say when I asked for the referral. Seeing that The Younger's fine motor skills are that of an 8 year old, she said that just asking for an OT evaluation wouldn't suffice, because he would pass the fine motor skills testing with flying colors. Instead she suggested I use words like desensitizing, and higher than normal anxiety, even using the word "daredevil." One thing that I thought to add on my own was the fact that he picks at his scabs and lips until they bleed. I got a good reaction out of them with that one. My final statement included something like, "His brother has Asperger's so we were told to lay low as he might be learning these behaviors but when I was seeing a different kind of sensory processing in him, and the increase in anxiety, I began to worry." Her immediate reaction was "Yes we can do the referral and you are absolutely doing the right thing."

That made me feel so good. I guess because I wasn't going to be a warrior about this but knew that if he could get into OT it would be great, but that if he didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world, especially since we have The Super Doc and The Teacher to kind of give us advice along the way, not to mention the experience we have with The Elder. But to have someone else acknowledge that you are doing the right thing for your child and it involves getting him help (state funded help for that matter), it really is a pat on the back. It makes me grateful for not waiting because he will be 3 later this year and would be "too old" for TEIS. So how blessed am I to have people in my life who are bringing this to my attention before I missed the boat?? Thank goodness for people who are teaching me to be a warrior instead of succumbing to complacency. Mandolin Mom taught me a phrase today that I'm excited about using..."Well, this is unacceptable." Scares me a little, but I'll have to put on my big girl panties on one of these days because my boys need me to be a warrior for them. I won't always have The Teacher in my court...

Also yesterday before the major sickies I was able to write this letter:

February 4, 2008

To Whom it May Concern:

This is in response to the letter asking parental feedback regarding the upcoming year. One of the things that pleases me the most about the current program that my child is in, is that not only is he in a structured setting but he is also learning. He has made more progress in the last 4 months than he has with OT and ST alone. At the previous 4 preschools that he attended, the structure was much looser and the agenda was based on the typical children and left no room for dealing with sensory issues, leaving him misunderstood and being asked to leave each program. The program at KES has teachers and aides who not only understand how to handle the autism, but also is firm in what my child needs in order to "survive" kindergarten and dedicated to working with the parents to help in transitions.

My biggest fear for the upcoming year is that my only 3 options would be:
Send him to Regular Ed Kindergarten at a very young age (DOB 7/08/03) without any resources.
Send him to private PreK, the very same situation as the previous 4 schools who could not handle him.
Keep him home which would lack the proper structure he needs to prepare him for Kindergarten.
My suggestion would be having a transition class that is structured just like Kindergarten. He would attend the same hours he would as if he were in Kindergarten, 5 days a week. The only way we know how he will handle the transition of kindergarten is to simulate it as closely as possible. This includes perhaps having a "reverse" inclusion setup where typical children would be in the classroom, but at an even ratio, or 2:1 ratio of Asperger children to typical children. I think doing it this way will ease the transition as my child relates to typical children at a slower pace, rather than bombarding him with 20 typical children at one time AND expecting him to perform his studies. Not only might that cause problems for the teacher staff, but might negatively affect the other children's learning, and negatively affect my son's self-esteem and confidence.

I really hope that this is seriously considered. As of right now, my child does not have an option that is in his best interest. I do not want to lose the progress that you all have worked so hard to make with him during this year. Please feel free to contact me if you need any more clarifications or additional input.

Thanks,

Lastly, I got a solo session with The Super Doc today. It was good. I guess I'll leave it at that. She does a good job of making me feel like I'm not a screw up!

The Good, The Bad, and The Pretty...

2008-02-04T10:18:00.000-05:00

Yes I was in bed all day yesterday. No I wasn't sick sick like the poor family was while I was away. I was just totally zoned out and had no appetite. I guess that is the Bad. But hey, it was our day of rest...literally.

My glands are still swollen but at least I am functional today. The Good includes being able to catch the tail end of the superbowl. I really hate that I missed most of it but I think I truly saw the best part. I also hate I missed the commercials and the half time show. The other Good part is that I proceeded this morning in business as usual fashion. Well, business as usual in theory fashion, but today it wasn't theory it was reality. Here it is not even 10:30 yet and I've done everything on my "have to do" list!!!! I still have some on my "nice to do" list but I guess blogging would be on that list.

The Pretty includes how I feel. Usually Mondays are paperwork days, no appointments, no shower, leave on the pjs til noon type of days. But this morning after I got The Elder ready for school, I got ready...fixed my hair, put my face on (mascara and lipgloss and all), got dressed, and tackled the computer like it was a date or something.

Anyhoo, I'm having video conversion issues with the Need for Routine post that I promised everyone but I haven't forgotten. But I'll take a moment now to update everyone on The Teacher's visit.

Again, I have thoroughly convinced everyone that she is a goddess??? Well, she came and sat down and we didn't the normal, what have you implemented and what is working and what needs work, etc. I took an old hand towel from my mom's that was monogrammed and obviously very loved because it was about to fall apart. "Hey, mom, are you attached to this or can I have it?" I gave it to The Elder for his string tick. You could tell even in his emotionless reaction that he was relieved to have something that was OK to pull and break the strings on. So that was a "check" on the review. Unfortunately there are no more string to pull, but The Teacher suggested that I cut the fringe to simulate hair-cutting so he can be desensitized to falling hair. Hmmmm, interesting, though I think I'll pass on that. He actually did great with hair cutting this weekend. I didn't do a whole lot. Just trimmed the ducktail in the back and his bangs. I think if it grows out a little bit his cowlicks won't be such a pain.

Somehow the conversation came up about The Younger and some of the things that I was concerned about and she asked me to going into detail. I did and she sweetly suggested that I call his pediatrician to get a TEIS referral (Early Intervention - I'm not sure what the T and S stand for. My guess is Tennessee and perhaps Services) to get him into OT right away. She is so smart. She said, "There is nothing wrong with what he is doing but if he can get some Early Intervention, he can learn to control himself and learn other boundaries now versus learning them later when there could be worse consequences" (I think she was referring to adolescent behaviors and temptations like teen sex, drugs, etc.). Now The Elder's Psychologist told us to just watch him until he was 4 (some magic age) because much of what he does might be from mimicking his brother, which I totally agree. However, The Youngers Sensory issues are much different than The Elder's. The Elder has predominantly Sensory Aversions, whereas The Younger is Sensory Seeking. This explains alot. I'm not going to be a warrior on this like I was with The Elder because we both agreed that we didn't believe he has autism. But knowing what I know now about myself and my family and likewise about The Hub's and his family, it doesn't hurt to try to do whatever I can to get him help early. I often wonder how I might be different now had Early Intervention existed when i was a kid. My sensory issues can be just as hard to tolerate as The Hub's or The Elder's, and now The Younger's. But I am more confident about him because I was a Sensory Seeker as a little one and enough falling desensitized me. (Of course I was a cheerleader in college and really got hurt before I was desensitized but hey, better late than never.) If he has the special, inexplicable ability that I had to be aware of where you are in space, then falling was nothing to be afraid of (it somehow turned into falling gracefully) . I've never broken a bone in all of my dare devil antics (I've broken other people's bones and burned other people's legs jumping off motorcycles). I have my shared of aversions that bug the mess out of The Hub. Primarily my smell (olfactory - is that right?), texture in foods, and tactile defensiveness. I digress...

So The Teacher was a huge advocate in getting The Younger some help. Hey, anything to make a 2 year old more manageable! HAHAHAHA!

Now for The Elder, he has been constantly amazing me. I can still see his struggles but his ability to handle them has increased so much. You can see his little brain working. He's even joking now. This morning he didn't want to go to school (I'm going to need to find out what this trigger is - The Teacher insists it is normal but I'm ready for it to be booted out of our routine) so I ended up having to pick him up and carrying him to his room. It was actually cute, I had him behind the knees and he was sitting in my arms like he had fallen into the toilet or something. He could only kick his legs from the knee down which were away from my body. Very effective I must say. But we went about the morning routine and he was being defiant the whole time. Finally I said...

"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is where you get ready by yourself. The hard way is where you have NO CONTROL over getting ready."

"How 'bout........the medium way???"

I didn't know whether to be mad, proud, or burst out laughing!

All it takes is a shot of...

2008-02-02T13:14:00.000-05:00

Like I said in a previous post, if I had know that January was going to be so crazy I would have taken some vitamins. Well, I should be taking vitamins anyway just because.

Well other than picking the BEST WEEK to be away from my family (See The Hub's post), I knew that my trip to Houston was going to be packed and I needed all the energy I could spare. So we took a trip to Sam's Club to get me some Centrum (the kind you only have to take one pill a day - nice). While we were there I cam across Glacial Milk Compete Nutrition. One ounce contains a butt-load of nutrients. One bottle's suggested retail is 40 bucks but at Sam's it was only like 20. Anyhoo, I took a swig of that before I left for the airport and then took the centrum around lunch time and let me tell you. I lasted from 3:45am until 11:30pm with literally no resting - oh wait, I did catnap on the plane for about 10-15 minutes. When I got back to the hotel at the end of the day, I had to shower because of the humidity and the walking around, and laid in bed and STILL had to play a Sudoku game to fall asleep. It had to be almost 1am (EST) by the time I fell asleep. I was way impressed. The next 2 days were just as jammed packed but I didn't have The Shot of Glacial Milk and I did have to hunt down a Starbucks both of those days.

Since being back, I've been so tired but started back on The Shot of GM and have been so impressed with my ability to function. Thursday I was on The Younger Duty at 6:30am but The Gma picked him up around 10. So my plan was to take a nap to catch up from the trip but I got on the computer and started being productive. Wassupwiddat? Then I had a great time with the kids in the afternoon and got ready for my Dream Dinner with my consultants for that night, coming home around 9pm. Then yesterday I was supposed to bring a Non-Sweet snack to my bible study so I couldn't back out of it. Plus I like being able to bring the kids to the nursery they provide at the church to give The AP a break. I got home in time to eat and welcome The Teacher to the house for our monthly meeting. Which again was awesome. (I'll post another on that and I haven't forgotton about the Routine Post I've promised everyone). Then I was late for an appointment with Gwen (Check out her stuff - it was the first time I got to see everything in person and LOVED it all. Gwen, I'll trade you one of your fab scarves for a mascara anyday!). Then it was date night. Originally I just wanted to rent a movie and stay home because I thought that I would be just totally beaten down. Then I called The Hub on the way to Gwen's to see if he wanted to eat out. Then at the restaurant I asked if he wanted to go to the dollar theatre. Unfortunately it was past time to catch anything earlier than 10pm. So we stuck to the original rent-a-movie idea. On the way home, The Hub said he was going to stop at Big Lots and I was like, I want to go to Big Lots too. So I met him there and we stayed there until it closed! By the time we got home (The Hub stopped to get the movie and I went straight home) I came inside and started being being productive again. Crazy I know. When I went to go find The Hub to watch the movie....he had fallen asleep! It was only 10:30, but he had had a pretty rough week (See his post again) and I suppose he needed his rest....

Saturday morning, I slept in but honestly, I wish I had gotten up sooner because I had a lot of stuff I wanted to do today. Anyhoo, I better close this because I'm expecting a customer at 2pm. RUN to your local Sam's Club and grab yourself some of this stuff!

Success Sunday

2008-01-27T20:16:00.000-05:00

"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."
--Josh Billings

I almost forgot my quote! I really like this and think many of my readers can identify with it. If we all got good cards all the time then life would be way too boring don't you think? Don't forget to check out the video in my last post. I'll be back in town on Wednesday but I'll try to read, comment, and post during layovers.

Pillow Jousting

2008-01-27T19:32:00.000-05:00

I hear the kids screaming and giggling and the scary pitter patter of feet across the hardwood...

I come out of my bedroom to the following. I didn't know whether to get upset or laugh. But since the housekeeper was in the house and hadn't gotten to the playroom yet, I figured I might as well fetch the camera and have fun with it. You can see them looking at me like, "Why isn't mommy yelling at us for doing this?"

Coming soon...either a post and/or a link to The Hub's post (whoever gets the post up first which I'm banking on The Hub doing that since I'm leaving for Houston at 4:30am in the morning) re: "A new perspective of the need for routine." All I can say is Jam On! You don't want to miss this one!

Yay! I posted a comment!

2008-01-24T21:57:00.000-05:00

The winner is Bonnie at Coffee Autism Faith Explored on this her post "A child is more than a label." Great post and discussion. 10 points to you!!

Bonnie's post struck a cord with me. I know I was run over by an amtrak when we got The Elder's diagnosis even though we were warned 6 months prior to his official diagnosis. In the beginning I think I threw out every excuse I could to "prove" he was NOT on the spectrum. Even once I realized what I was dealing with I wasn't really sure what I was dealing with. I relied so much on what other people were telling me that we needed. Even the school system was guiding him along to a special class (because we know how helpful they are and how much they have the student's best interest at heart, right?). Once the school system recognized that he needed intervention it was like it really sunk in. Then I did a 180 from the beginning and felt like I had to "prove" to everyone why he was on the spectrum, to justify his special treatment from the school system. I mean, all the other preschool moms had to pay for their child to go to private school and how was their child any different than mine. Well, that was really hard to answer because at the time I honestly didn't know the answer. As I began to learn more about the spectrum and more about where The Elder was on the spectrum (since each person IS different) I felt compelled to tell them (the people who asked the questions I formerly could not answer) what traits he exhibited that he was accepted into a special school where he get life training at age 4. "Well, my child does that." "Isn't that normal?" "Isn't that just being a boy/kid?" To which I go on the defensive and start being more specific. Now I'm digging my own hole because I'm labeling my own child which makes me feel like I'm being melo-dramatic and attention-seeking which is totally the opposite. I want people to be aware and to understand but I think I have just come to the conclusion that some people just do not and will not. For some people, it just may not be worth even starting the conversation.