I have to capture today's conversations before I forget!
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On the way home from The Child Psych that dx The Elder he says...
"Now we go to a house.....it starts with a J........he's my friend......and there's a Thomas, Percy, James..."
"OK, I'll call Joshua's mom right now to set a time."
"You're right!! You guessed Joshua's house!"
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"OK I left a message for Joshua's mom to call me back."
"We can go to his house and wait for him."
"No, that's called stalking."
"I want to do that....I want to stalking."
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"Let's figure out what we will eat."
"I want to go to Buddy's"
"We have Buddy's at home."
"But I want to GO to Buddy's"
"If we GO anywhere if won't be Buddy's because we have that at home."
"I want pizza."
"Well, I don't know how to make daddy's pizza, but we can stop at Go Nutrition and get a frozen pizza." (Sad, I know)
"Sure!" (more like "shore")
"Um, this is the part to our house."
"The part?"
"Yes"
"Do you mean path?"
"Yes"
"As in the road to our house?"
"Yes"
"You're right it is, but it is also the road to Go Nutrition."
As we pull into the parking lot of the store...
"Ooohhhhhh, I think you guessed right."
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Now we are on the way home from the store pulling into the subdivision...
"We are almost home."
"Yes, which way do we go." I've never asked him to navigate before...
"I fink we go right."
"OK now we are going right, now what?"
"Next is left
.....you go straight for the wrong way...Eliza lives there. (classmate)
.....Another straight and right
.....Good, mommy, you found the right road
.....now there a little tiny curve...you pass this house...and our car goes there...and you push the button (for garage door)
.....You did it!!"
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Mind you that ALL happened in the 20 minute ride home (not including the pit stop at the store).
On a completely different note, yet related because this is where we were driving home from...we met with The Child Psych for a re-evalution. Well, "improvement" is an appropriate word for the outcome. In 8 months he went from a nonverbal IQ of 130 (or 7 years 4 months equivalent when he was 3 years, 10 months) which is the 98th percentile, to a nonverbal IQ of 146 (or 11 years 9 months equivalent now he is 4 years and 7 months) which is in the 99.9th percentile. We were totally blown away. I mean we knew he was gifted but gee whiz.
He also improved in the picture naming verbal test - he went up to 73rd. But his Listening Comprehension skills were still low (31st percentile) and dragged his Overall Verbal score from 68th last June to 50th percentile today. He said not to worry about that. I guess it is average. And for comprehension, it doesn't cause a buzz in the school unless it is less than 25%. His main concern was with prepositions.
Other tests he took were
Reading - 1.9 grade level
Reading Comprehension - 1.4 grade level
Math - K.8 grade level
For the Math tests he was 5 years and 10 months equivalent on one and 6 years on the other. He said that those are probably low compared to his actual ability because the test involves a lot of Listening Comprehension skills.
He stressed for us to have a Social curriculum, encouraging pretend play, game play (balls, chase, and imitation) and with the trains to have a double approach:
1) Limit his talk about trains. E.g. 15 minutes of talking about animals
2) Broaden his love of trains. E.g. to maps to geography OR to gears to electronics to Audio/Visual components. Something pre-vocational.
He said one kid started at trains and has broadened his love to studio production and has visited the Veggie Tales Studio in Nashville. I didn't even know there was one! We are so going there!
As far as the Kindergarten concern, he really advocates him going to Kindergarten next year. His ideal situation would be for The Elder to go to the transition class if it is approved and go to 1st grade from there (instead of K). He said academically he is already a 1st grader so he really just needs a year to develop his social skills. He predicts in a year he will be reading at a 4th grade level and to put him in Kindergarten is just asking for boredom and behavior problems not even linked to ASD. (That is with a transition year and then K). So it is still up in the air as of what to do.
Has anyone been in this situation and glad of your decision or wish you had made a different one? I really need opinions on this!
Quotables and Doc results
I'm still standing...
You can tell that I think in music. I have a lot of post titles that are songs. Ha!
Anyhoo, we have had a super busy weekend. The Younger has been sick with high fevers since Friday. I started seeing "clingy" signs on Thursday. If he wasn't sleeping, he was screaming. He was actually hilarious yesterday. He was screaming because he was hungry but didn't have an appetite or everything that he requested to eat didn't taste the way he wanted so he would pitch a fit. Finally I got some chips (Tangy Tomato from Flat Earth - yummy) that were pretty flavorful. He was screaming for me to share them with him (they were his). He commanded me to sit down on the floor with him and then literally took my hand and put it in the chips bag. "Share...with...me...mommy!" (said between sobbing)
When we wasn't screaming, he was sleeping. When he was sleeping we were working. I did an interview on Saturday so that got me out of the house YAY! When I was in the house we........ ORGANIZED THE CLOSET!! Now everything is FAR from clean, but it is all so organized that I was excited. And we spend very little money. I told The Hub how proud of myself I was to not be impulsive (ADHD in me?). Usually when I read things like The RB Book I will have grand visions and start working on it right away just to find out that it won't work, I won't like it, I won't do it, or I won't pay for it. But I waited and we actually have very few things to purchse before our masterpiece is complete! The key is that we were very honest with ourselves. Do I put my shoes here ot here....well, will I put them away if they are here? And so forth.
The Elder had a substitute teacher yesterday for part of the day and we got a note home that he had given the subs a hard time. Based on what The Teacher told me last visit, they have parents of former students of the class (all HFA/AS) to sub so that they know what they are doing (about as much as we all know what we are doing though I guess). He got up this morning and said he didn't want to go to school which is very strange. He said his head hurt but he wasn't acting sick so who knows what the true source of his avoidant behavior was because we went to school. It was like, once I finally got his clothes on, he magically wanted to go to school and he finished the routine without a word.
I wanted to post something on Friday to spawn a discussion/opinion poll but forgot so I'm going to make a separate post and maybe it will take the place of Success Sunday that I missed...
First Day Back to School
Well, the Winter Break is over and The Elder went back to school today. I had to work this morning and had my phone to go off in time for me to meet him at the bus and I just barely made it. It was a nice warm day today so they got to play outside on the playground which always makes for a happy preschooler.
I wrote a note to The Teacher this morning seeing if she could observe him at choir because that starts tomorrow but we are not going yet (plus his best buddy is having a birthday party!). She is going to try to clear it with the school board to see if she can. I tell you something, she is so amazing. It would be so easy for her to say, "No, that is outside of contract hours and it is not a contract school." But she is going to try to get it cleared so she can help him. It is so obvious how much she loves the kids. I'm so lucky that mine is in her classroom.
He got Good marks across the board today which is fantastic considering he hasn't been in school for 2 weeks, but am not surprised I suppose because he has been controlling himself very well lately and he is a huge creature of habit and routine. So am I, I suppose because I have had a very productive 2 days now that we are back in our normal routine. I did change my schedule around a bit to make Monday a work day so that I could start the week off right instead of moping around being sad about what didn't get accomplished over the weekend and taking that out on The Younger by trying to make up time cleaning/organizing/fixing etc and totally neglecting him. Yesterday I had BOTH checking accounts balanced by 10:18am and I hadn't entered a single transaction in about a month (well, ok, 2)! Scary I know, but what an accomplishment (*patting myself on the back*)! So now my One-on-One day with The Younger is on Thursdays and I get to take him to the Library and walk around the greenway at the park by the Library! Bonus...exercise!
Speaking of controlling himself, The Elder did remarkably well today as The Younger was being a total younger sibling nuisance and crawling all over him and completely violating The Elder's personal space.
"You're bahvering me....Quit bahvering me...Get...off, please...I said, GO AWAY, PLEASE."
How polite.
It's a Great Day
Well, my schedule got thrown off a tad because The AP is sick, but already had the kids lined up to be occupied, but I just feel really bad for her. I still got to shower on time to greet my customer with mascara and dry hair (and clothes too, of course), but as she was leaving the bus pulled up. Welp, there goes my morning plans to get "it" together.
Updated at 7:01pm
OK, so today didn't quite go as planned. The Housekeeper called and said she was sick. BUT but but she is coming on Saturday while we are gone, so I get to come home to a clean house! Yay! When The Elder got off the bus I said, "After lunch today, you're going to help me wrap gifts."
"You can do it aaaaaalllllll by yourself."
I think he was trying to be encouraging...he eventually helped me and I got some pictures on my camera, but I dropped it so it is broken for now. Great timing. Anyhoo, when I checked The Elder's folder, he got one big circle around the GREAT's. Not only was it his first GREAT mark, but they were ALL marked Great!! I'm so excited!!
The Teacher came and it was just the two of us. It was really good. I'm telling you I am in LOVE with this woman! I was not anxious at all. The Elder gave me opportunity to have to "parent" him and The Teacher actually praised me instead of correcting me this time! One of her philosophies that explains his improvement in behavior this week is that we are taking control away from him and he is freed up to be a kid, have fun, relax, and be happy. As opposed to uptight and anxious and stressed over making decisions as simple as "what do you want to eat for breakfast?" Looking at it that way, I don't feel so mean!
She gave me homework to do - at least one activity a day that is completely parent-driven. He gets no input and no choice but to follow my directions. She wants to keep the momentum going over the 2-week break while he is on the upswing of progress. He also has an obsession of pulling strings, which I've mentioned in this blog on my very first post: B4. Two things come to mind when I read this. The Elder's obsession with strings - pulling and picking them out of clothing, bedding, throw pillow, furniture. Drives me mad! We have fluff falling out of every pillow and my jacquard comforter is "hairy" from all the broken strings hanging out of it. The other thing is his intense fear of buttons, though his dad and I just realized that it might be the button holes he dislikes. We might have to test that theory.
Her suggestion is to get a cheap towel from Walmart and only allow him to pull the strings on that until it is demolished. She said if it continues in the future, then he must be responsible for replacing his own towel. She predicts that I will have few academic concerns in the future and wants to focus on the behaviors. So in a Gold Star system, I need to pair a task that is simple that I know he can do, like putting on his shoes by himself, with a task that is a little more challenging for him, like sitting at the table for 5 minutes during a meal. A preferred with a non-preferred, and then extend the time/complexity of the task as he gets consistent. The hardest thing she is asking me to do is balance praise. I'm so used to "Thank You"-ing him and "Good Job"-ing him that it is very difficult for me to just sit there. She said praise is GREAT, but to not over-praise. He should not be praised for something that he is capable of doing and is expected to do, for example, sitting at the table during a meal. But to praise him when he does something that maybe he was incapable of doing before, and then raise the bar. For example, the fact that he knew to hug his brother when he slammed the door on his finger. I praise him for acknowledging it and then I pair the emotion to the body language. "That is so great that you comfort your brother when he is sad. I can see you were sad too because of your frown."
Very enlightening session and I hope others will get something from this post too.
Once The Hub came home, The Kiddos had found some microphones and were on the couch stage while we were on the floor audience watching them sing. We have a electric piano with a DEMO mode that The Elder has memorized (classical music) and a Snowman playing Carols on a piano that both have memorized (so cute) and they were performing a duet to the Clav and Honky Tonk demos on the piano playing simultaneously with the snowman singing a "Let it Snow/Jingle Bell Rock/Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" medly. If my camera hadn't been broke, I would've gotten video.
So now it is after 7pm and I haven't finished laundry, nor packed, nor come even close to getting the van ready. But Tulip Mom inadvertently issued a challenge so I'm still going to go for it!! All I need is a little extrinsic motivation to get me going. So what will that award be called?
Conversation
"It's time to go to school."
"I'm coming."
(You can hear him trying to get out of The Skipper Dog's travel cage. What is the deal with kids and cages?)
"OK, I'm here."
The Hub and I just looked at each other with this "what just happened here" look. He was compliant and used appropriate timely responses to communicate his intentions without the need for repeating on our part. Yahoo!
We have our monthly meeting with The Teacher today. I cannot wait! Doesn't that sound a little odd? I've just been so proud of him lately and the strides that he has made at home since being in school that I want to hear how he's doing at school. The next step will be community and how to transfer his skills to church and other public places, which I think will be simple (note I didn't say easy). The only issue I have is hyperactivity, but then again, he IS four! I'm actually really enjoying seeing the two boys just being boys and romping around the house chasing the dog, wrestling each other to the ground until someone screams, and dragging packaging materials all through the house. I'm NOT enjoying cleaning up after them.
I feel very good today. I think I'll be productive. The Gma is coming to get The Younger for the day while I get us ready for our trip. The Elder and I are wrapping gifts when he gets off the bus (he's been practicing at school) and then we are meeting with The Teacher. The Housekeeper is coming to make me very happy. Then The Hub and I are planning to load up the minivan tonight (36 hours early). I'm being very optimistic!!
Special Interest
Ten Points to every geek person who can help me resolve this problem that Marla comments on here.
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Yesterday, I pulled this drawing out of The Elder's folder in his backpack and just totally cracked up about it. He has been getting Good marks lately at school which might be why he's been overly hyperactive at home and not wanting to answer too many questions. When he doesn't want to think about how to respond to a question, his answer is "trains."
"What day is today?"
"trains."
"Where are your glasses?"
"trains."
So this was just a funny.
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Yesterday we also went through a toy magazine and I had him point out his favorite toys.
"Well, first it's trains." (to the tune of "duh")
"What's your second favorite?"
"This one." (it was like a hot wheels track)
"What is your favorite toy that doesn't have wheels?"
"Let's go to Arts & Crafts."
(He sounded like The Teacher here)
"This one." (it was a build and paint a train craft!)
"That has wheels. Which is your favorite without wheels?"
"Just the paint."
To paint the train, no doubt.
OT results
We didn't get the OT services through the school system. I think I'm ok with it because he does get related services through his curriculum like for fine motor and crossing the midline and sensory activities. The OT said she evaluated him twice and he made a marked improvement between the two evaluations. I must say I agree with her that he has improved but not to the extend that she is describing. For example, the buttons. Why just THAT morning he was freaking out because I was wearing PJs with buttons on them, that he was too distracted to brush his teeth and then when I took over he grimaced and pulled away from me. The OT believes he has behavioral issues outside of sensory processing. The Teacher believes that he must have constant intellectual stimulation or he reverts to his "sensory" ways. We decided that he "performs" differently under the structured environment of school versus the unstructureness of home and church. I can still request another evaluation in the future and I still have gymnastics as an option for now if we choose to pay for it (that's the real key I guess).
Kindergarten was the other issue that arose. The Assistant Principal (I love her) said that he will go next year because he will be 5 BUT it will be an inclusion class with no resource class/CDC available to him because of some rule-changing. I'll have to learn more about that. So if I'm not ready for him to go to Kindergarten then I'll need to enroll him into a private preschool next year because public preschool will not take him if he is 5. It's scary to think that he will go from a class of 7 kids of his peers (they are all HFA/AS) to an inclusion class of 20 and No Aide (and at a different school because Karns is NOT is our zone). The Regular Ed Teacher was talking about how much he would be expected to do as far as nouns, verbs, sentence structure and story telling. Even The Special Ed Teacher said, that wouldn't be a problem because he's already doing that (me, gushing inside with pride), but his current transition skills are not up to par. So in the next 6 months they will be doing more inclusion with the Regular Preschool "typical" students to help the kids prepare for Kindergarten transition. So we will see. In the meantime I'm going to be trying to reserve him a spot in a new preschool for next year.
Trip to the Doc
This was actually a well-check up for The Elder for his 4th year of existence. I really hadn't expected it to take as long as it did but The Younger came too and missed a nap because of it.
This was the first time The Elder had been to the pediatrician since his diagnosis. It didn't occur to me until we had to fill out the PDQ form. This was the first time that he struggled with the questionnaire. We cheated and answered all of the questions (instead of stopping at 3 no's). The ones he got Yeses to were all non-verbal questions like, "which one moos?" "which is red?" "which is longer?" which he answered correctly without much thought. The ones he got Nos to were all motor skills and language questions like copying a circle or plus sign, drawing a person, hopping on one foot, balancing on one foot, "what do you do when it's cold?" "what is a chair?" "what is a pencil?" There were more of the latter and he hit 3 no's pretty soon. I was devastated at the black and white of his abilities.
When we saw The Doctor, he was fascinated at his diagnosis (evidently they haven't received the report from the psychologist's office yet) and asked a ton of questions. These were the very same questions that I used to get really defensive about when other people asked them. But since he's been going to his special class, I have much more confidence in what he is and is not capable of doing and which ones are significant and which are not, and the significant ones don't seem like such a huge mountain anymore. A blip, if I may steal vocabulary from Kristen, that needs special attention for now, but will get better after an inconvenience. The Doctor was there long enough to witness their chaotic, no-nap behavior The Elder's speech limitations and recognized where he was using scripts and when he was not. I was satisfied with that. I also told him that he could read.
"What book can you read all by yourself?"
"Max and Ruby's ABC Book."
The Doctor says, "Oh is he recognizing words now?"
So I grab a piece of paper of recommended books that they just gave me and gave it to The Elder. "What does this say?"
"The Little Engine That Could" (OK that was kinda cheating as we have like 4 versions of that)
"Keep Going..."
"Mittens....Marshmallows! Oh I like marshmallows! I hold the bag."
(That's his job when we make s'mores though he doesn't eat them. He prefers the marshmallows in the "raw." Must be a sensory aversion to gooey. We no longer indulge ourselves in s'mores since it is the opposite of gfcf.)
So it was an interesting trip to the Doc. Didn't have to ask for a probiotic for The Younger as he was recovering, see The Hub's post. But The Elder did have to get a shot and I feel terribly guilty. I didn't know he was due and I struggled with "do I tell him or do I just let them do it?" If the former he may flail wildy in opposition and The Nurse wouldn't be able to approach him. If the latter he may flail wildly in opposition when The Nurse approached him with the needle. Well, I did the latter. I don't know if it was the right decision or not, but he got nicked a little when he jerked (he was laying there so willingly and innocently). He cried for a LONG time. It wasn't a "I'm in pain" cry, it was a "My feelings are hurt" cry. At one point he even sobbed, "I can't stop crying." My heart breaks everytime I replay that in my head. I know he will remember the next time we go which will be his kindergarten check, hopefully not that is.
Well, it has a good ending. They both fell asleep on the way home and I had 2 deliveries to make, so it was a nice resting period for a no-nap day.
Occupational Gymnastics
I visited my friend's girls' gymnastics class yesterday to check it out. The Kiddos were both in gymnastics starting a year ago for about 6 months. I have mixed feelings about our experience then. First, I was the only parent at Mommy and Me class with 2 kids. One that was exhibiting avoidance behaviors and one that felt like he needed to act like his big brother. Second, I think the coach contributed massively to The Elder's first evaluation leading to a misdiagnosis. Well, an UNdiagnosis, which is worse. What really sucked is that I like her and she handled both of them very well and I trusted her because she has private lessons with children with autism and even mentioned to me how The Elder's actions resembled those students of hers. But when we "graduated" to the preschooler class (without Mommies) he did a 180 in the behavior department, which the finger was pointed at me (which is why the psych suggested a parenting therapist for me - pffft!). Never mind that he was in a class with his brother and other children of that age before, and then switched to a class with 4 year olds (The Elder was 3 at the time). Never mind that it was a LOT more structured and not a "free play" session like it was with the toddlers. No, it's my parenting. (But I'm not bitter.)
I digress...
So as I was saying, I went to observe this class and was really impressed with it. The other gym was a competitive gym for gymnastics and cheerleading. They had 2-3 classes going on at the same time in a HUGE open gym (not overstimulating at all - pffft). But this place was a cozy gym with smaller equipment and classical music playing in the background. Very structured and the instructor works with a variety of special needs children. Her class reminded me more of The Elder's occupational therapy sessions than what he was doing in gymnastics. For example, they went from station to station and eventually built up to an obstacle course of 3 stations. Well, that would work on his ability to follow more than 2 directives in a series. One station was the balance beam (vestibular therapy), then it was donkey kicks with a trampoline and they had to recite a letter during each kick which she had laid out for them (lots of good things from that - kinesthetic learning, coordination, um, what else?), then the last station was a low beam where they had to pick up "ice cream" and velcro them on the sides of the beam in different pre-set locations, and then go back and get them and put them back in the "ice cream" bucket. As you can see, I can see this being very very good for The Elder.
But as always, fees are always an issue. She is much less expensive than the other gym so that is a plus, especially for what you get. She is also cheaper per class than our co-pay was when he was having OT. Next Thursday we have a meeting at The Elder's school to discuss the results of his OT evaluation. It is so obvious that he needs it, but I still have that fear that they aren't going to grant him the services. At least I have another option if it turns out he has been "performing" well for the therapist at school.
I wonder if gymnastics is a tax deduction....
Fun with The Elder and Google Talk
The Hub posted today's FULL chat session, including background information, school woes, and fun with emoticons. Here's an excerpt of Pink (The Elder via me typing) and me (The Hub)...
Pink: tuesday december 4 2007I really really really wish I had audio of this because it was hilarious. What you can't capture in the script were the times he was talking faster than I could type. Everytime I asked him to repeat something he would change the story. And if I was really far behind in transcribing, he would repeat the really important words.
me: what season is it?
Pink: thomas and friends and the shrink pot
sunny
me: okay…
Sent at 2:00 PM on Tuesday
Pink: the shrink pot and the shrink just do it percy and henry and gordon and the shrink pot goes upside down and it goes upside down ok good and make they get out. And now the shrink pot goes over and over and round and round and all the way to the floor like that and they go to the shed where all the other engines ok.
me: and then what?
Sent at 2:02 PM on Tuesday
Pink: i love you james and shrink pot does shrink james and went to the dark cave where percy shunting cars and the cars run down the tunnel and bumped into the straight thing in the tunnel and they CRASHED and now it there two things are up and a avalanche came down down to percy and doug and thomas came to the rescue. Thomas says that’s a close to avalanche and those cars can’t only Edward and Rocky and do the rest to get magnets to get those cars and um one day sir topham hat hear all that noise and sees the cars in the tunnel where the avalanche is. Thomas is in the shed with percey and james and where henry is. Rocky and edward are not here. They gonna be right back when they come to the shed they come to the turntable and they sleep and very good to sleep and the doors are closed. Ok The End
(I hope you copy and paste this in your blog)
yyyyyyyyyyyG
me: what a great story
Pink: Toby he saw a big river and the dam is breaking and the bricks fell down and make a big waterfall. And the bridge came ot and the pieces ofthe track and saw the sign beware the waterfall. and the driver said we go around waterfall we do. Harold droped onto Toby buffers and Percy was back there and pushed Toby all the way and clean clean clean and held and lived happily ever after. And The End.
I love you. Bye (from
The Elder)
me: bye
love you
Pink: cat mouse dog bear and washer
"I said 'magnet.' Type the word 'magnet.'"
Never mind if it fit right there in that sentence.
"Not 'helped.' Mommy, you typed the wrong word."
"Woooooooow. That's a long story."
"Mommy, you typed 'avalanche' three times! Good Job!"
Pinch Me
She was a tad late (about 15 minutes) and I started thinking, "It was today right?" I even turned tot he Elder and said, "[The Teacher] is coming here today right?"
"I can't hear you."
"You can't hear me? or You don't understand what I'm asking you?"
"I don't understand."
"Did [The Teacher] tell you that she is coming to your house today?"
"Yes."
Pause, as doubt was sinking in at the lack of confidence in his response.
"Did [The Teacher] tell you that, or did I tell you that?"
He looks at the ceiling to think, "Oh, YOU tell me that."
Great, so I still don't have an answer...
I was getting a little irritated because The Hub came all the way home from work to participate in the meeting. But, alas, the doorbell rings and she has arrived. Yay.
It seemed a bit unorganized but it didn't take me long to relax and just start asking her all sorts of advice. She is truly a gift from God and I fear the day that The Elder has to enter "Real School" with teachers who are less knowledgeable and less compassionate as The Teacher. She definitely means business when she teaches (and she didn't hesitate to "bring the classroom into your home" so to speak and set him straight a couple of times). Though I still felt like my every move was being watched and judged, she didn't lead on to me that she was doing that.
I think the part of the conversation that really just let me put my guard down and trust her was how much passion was in her voice as she was talking about "dedicating years to finding strategies to help her students" (all of whom are HFA). And how she has asked/begged the school board to have the kids for longer days (currently he is finished at 11am) and for 5 days a week (4 half-days is full time, which most of his classmates are not full time, meaning they only go 1, 2, or 3 half-days a week). She gave us tips for the holiday trip coming up and will be sending home a few articles on Monday to help us with that, and she even gave us some help with dealing with The Younger.
Is this too good to be true? Am I dreaming? Between his school situation and the dietary changes, I couldn't be happier with our situation. I wish everyone had access to The Teacher. I want to spread my joy! So if anyone has questions about a behavior situation with your child, I'll be glad to pose the question to her and get some answers. I'll start...
Our Behavior Topic was regarding the meltdowns that end up with a naked Elder and a puddle of pee somewhere (not in the proper receptacle). Her advice was to follow the A,B,C pattern (A=antecedent, B=behavior, C=consequence) and try to stop it at the A. So this is what I did.
The A typically is a situation where he wants something and he wants it NOW.
The B is the taking off clothes and peeing on the floor
The C is making him responsible for the mess and having him clean it up.
"I want a muffin."
"OK, you can have a muffin, but after you eat your lunch."
Hopefully that will be the end.
But it wasn't, so then as he was taking his clothes off I said, "You'll need to have clothes on to eat your muffin."
Of course he kept taking the clothes off and then began pointing his stuff to the floor.
"If you choose to pee on the floor, you will have to clean up the mess yourself."
Sometimes this logic is enough to make him stop. But on this particular occasion he continued to point his stuff. Then I just picked him up and carried him to the bathroom and held him in front of the toilet (while he continued to rip his clothes off).
Once he was emptied and eliminated that threat, I let him calm down until I could reason with him again. We also discovered that the word "lunch" or "dinner" is a trigger for some odd reason, so The AP used the word "food" instead and that seemed to help.
It's all trial and error huh?
Say Cheese
The Elder got his school pictures back yesterday and I must say they are absolutely adorable. It was worth the extra $6 we paid for the touch-up on his forehead. He has a slight scar there (not seen in the picture) and The Hub calls it his "Harry Potter" scar. Now we are working a scar on The Younger's nose. The Fantasy of Trees photographers didn't offer a touch up option.
I also got a picture of him on the bus. I had been meaning to do that for sometime for the scrapbook but kept forgetting but yesterday I grabbed my camera when I saw the bus pull up and was able to get these cutie shots. He was in a quasi-awake state when I boarded the bus. And though it doesn't look like it, he was still quasi-asleep in the close-up picture by his bus number (he's infatuated with his bus number).
My motivation to work is still low but I have been managing to get things accomplished that "absolutely have to be done." The "have to be done" tasks have been postponed to the very last minute (or delegated) and the "nice to do" tasks don't have a chance in hades of getting done anytime soon. The Executive Function is lacking severely these days. I've decided to take The Big Bro's advice and going to cut to half a pill a day to see how that works. I've been taking one whole one every other day and that seems to have helped in the sleepy/snacky department. Of course time for all the fun stuff, like online Christmas Shopping, Pictures for the scrapbook and eating cookies and brownies with The Kiddos, have taken high priority. The Super Doc would be proud. The bank account not so much....
Tomorrow is another trip from The Elder's teacher. I think I should prepare for her visit but really don't know what to expect. Even though this is her second in-home visitation. I didn't know what to expect then either. Has anyone had in-home visitations and might have some advice for me? I'd really like to get the most out of all of our services. Don't assume I know anything. =o) She does strike me as the kind of teacher that truly understands him and wants the best for him. I'm eating that up now, as I know I'm not guaranteed that in the future just based on everyone's experiences I've read about AND local stories too. But I don't want to be naive and not ask for something that I should (and deserve to) ask for.
I feel like he has made a lot of progress. His speaking skills have greatly increased and he plays quite a bit with his brother. Just about a half hour ago we were pretending to go through a typical day...."Time for bed (pretended to sleep); morning time; time to eat breakfast (pretended to eat); time to get ready for school...etc" and even though it was a very Aspergian topic to be pretending, it was pretending. But I thought it was impressive when The Younger went to get "ice cream" from the "refrigerator" and came back to give it to The Elder who "spit" it out and said, "That's Yucky! I want white-flavored ice cream." That's some pretty good pretending right there, though I can't personally pretend that white-flavored ice cream could be all that great.
Yesterday morning he actually went to go brush his teeth by himself *shock* - He went running down the hall after we put his socks on and I thought that he went to find his shoes, but I went to chase after him to redirect him to the bathroom and he was already in there with (God knows how much) toothpaste and toothbrush in hand and scrubbing away. This morning it wasn't as easy of a task, but once I got him in there he was fine. I wonder if my new "mellow" attitude has anything to do with this? I certainly have been able to muster up a lot more patience in the past week. Ho Hum. I'm wavering on whether or not this is a good thing....
On a different note, I was actually admiring The Younger as he was taking care of a baby doll (he waved to the UPS man with it in hand and you could see the guy snickering) and truly relaxing in the fact that he has natural empathy (he was shushing me because she was sleeping). You can tell it is his own intuition and probably has been a Great Teacher to the Elder for lessons in neurotypicalism.
What were we putting in our mouths?
This is a timeline journal post.
We first learned about gluten back in June 2007 after his evaluation, but before we got the results and diagnosis. A friend of mine was telling me how her friend has a son with ADHD and had been on meds since he was 5. He told his mom "those pills make me sad." (This is heartbreaking because think of the nonverbal kids who are on these meds, or even my verbal son who can't describe his feelings and emotions.) He currently is 13 and takes no medication because his mom changed his diet.
So we thought, it wouldn't hurt to try it. If I can find the picture the Hub took of everything we had to pull out of our pantry I will post it. Our counters looked like a grocery store aisle. Our whole family went on the diet. For me, it really was to support the Hub since he would benefit from this diet as well. If we could get it out of the house, we can't cheat! Besides, if it would bring focus like it claims to, then I was all for trying it.
In September 2007, during our evaluation with the School System, the psychologist asked if we were seeing a difference in the Elder since the diet. And I really couldn't say yes or no, because I did a poor job documenting it, so I said no. Then the Jenny McCarthy era came. And she raved about the gfcf diet. We had considered taking casein out of the diet but really dragged on that because we all looooooooooooooooooooooooooove cheese and those substitutes just aren't the same. When Jenny said that her son's vocabulary doubled and he become more affectionate, I started realizing that I had noticed the same thing in the Elder. So we went ahead and took the plunge and took the casein out. Macaroni and Cheese just isn't the same, but we have finally found a great cheese.
About 6 weeks later to now, I'm seeing what I believe are the effects of removing the casein (if anyone can back me up on this based on your experience I'd be grateful) in his digestive system which seems to be getting closer to regular. He also doesn't whine or groan as much (which might have been from tummy aches from not eliminating). He also is eating. Today I didn't have to tell him twice to eat, nor did I have to tell him to finish. Maybe he doesn't have the full feeling? He has been playing with his brother a lot lately, as in he would start it. His pretending has increased tenfold. His conversations are conversations and not 21 questions.
He had a little allergy episode with the classic runny nose and watery eyes. The next day I ask him, "How's your nose?"He has learned the phrase, "Want to join us?" (and says it ALL the time. cute) And the other day he accidentally knocked the Younger down (usually it in intentional - sensory-related someone said to me) and he stopped and went back and asked him if he was OK. I feel closer to him than I ever have.
He checks to see if it is running and then says, "It's better."
To a typical family that might sound mundane, but I was mouth hanging open shocked at his response. About a week ago, this is how that conversations would have gone:
"How's your nose?" (no answer) "Look at me because I'm asking you a question." (darting eyes) "Is your nose better?"
Finally an answer, "Yes."
I can't believe the progress he had made speech-wise since he's been at the new school. He also seems calmer. He's still having some self-control problems at school, but come-on, that is like Stimulation-Mart.
So now, on a slightly different perspective. What has this diet done to the rest of us?
For the Younger, I haven't really seen a difference. He's always been regular, he's always been affectionate, so I couldn't use those as litmus tests. He is talking more and in sentences, but then again he is 2 and that is what 2 year olds do!
For the Hub, he got a PR for his marathon time. Here is the excerpt on his diet...
For me, I personally look at a piece of cake or a biscuit or a pizza or any indulgent food that contains gluten, and almost immediately turned off (unless it has chocolate, then I waiver back and forth). When I eat gluten now, I literally become a zombie. One day I slept for 16 hours. Luckily it was a Saturday and the Hub was on kid duty. So now I think twice before I consider putting something in my mouth.What I Learned
So even though I didn’t eat enough on race day, I think the oveall change in my diet this year made up some of the difference on Saturday. One key thing to my diet has been drinking a vitamin enriched smoothie every morning consisting of Flax Oil (Omega 3,6&9), Frozen Blueberries, Soy Milk, and the Vitamin Smoothie Powder. Since I have been on the Gluten Free diet, my snacking has dropped some. Where I might have 2 donuts in the morning 2-3 times a week, I don’t do that anymore and some of the gluten food that is here at work are left untouched by me. Don’t get me wrong, I still eat my fair share of candy bars and other taste-good-bad-for-you stuff, it’s just now, I am more conscious about it.
But I do have more energy, I lost about 5 pounds (finally got rid of my pregnancy neck without the exercise!), I drink my coffee black now which makes me feel very "grown up" hahaha, I eat much healthier, we save money by not eating out as much (and calories),
However, our grocery bill has not been pretty...
Could I actually be normal?
Monday....I exercised. Spontaneously. I took the Younger in the stroller and went around the neighborhood for a mile, which isn't much but our subdivision is extremely hilly. I was gonna go for another mile since I was warmed up but made the mistake of passing th house and the Younger kept yelling, "back home, back home." Don't think I could handle a tantrum for a whole mile. So we came inside and I did some lunges and stretches. I really felt like I had been productive.
Then today, I hung out at the Shoney's that we have our networking meeting and did some work (I love those internet cards!). Some very productive work, yet still came home in time to get the Elder off the bus. I went through his backpack and he had a big red circle around all of the "Great" marks (that is the highest mark)! WOW...
Eric has also been eating. Eating without whining. And finishing everything on his plate. I do think we are seeing the effect of taking Casein out of his diet. He is pooping a lot more often. Like every other day instead of every other week (exaggeration). Could this all be related?
This is a strange feeling. Seems vaguely familiar and slightly uncomfortable. Could it be......normality? I'm not sure if I can handle getting all excited about that yet, but I'll revel for now. I think I might even deserve a nap...
Looking forward to Wednesday
Both kids did wonderfully in the worship service again! It was more crowded this week so I think sounds might have been more muffled even if one had played the drums on a chair. However, I didn't have to send anyone to the bathroom today! Eric went because he had to pee and Ryan was ok with not going with them. He just sat in my lap. Eric occupied himself (because we forgot to bring something extra) with the pens in the chairs the church provides for us to fill out attendance cards and prayer requests. He collect 4 different pens from our row and tried to exit our row. I stopped him.
"You can walk up and down our row, but you cannot go past my purse, OK?"
He showed me his handful of pens and whispered, "I need to find sixteen more."
I whispered back, "OK, but do it when the service is over." Which he forgot to do afterwards.
They both did great with the whispering! Ryan was smiling at me with his little cheesy smile (see banner above) and whispering to me that he loves me in 2 language, neither of which was English! "Te Amo" "Mahal kita" Yes, he's only 2.
Wednesday is our first in-home session with Eric's school teacher. I'm so glad that it was postponed to this week because this morning I got called out of Sunday School class to attend to a matter. It seems that Eric was not happy at snack time and he ultimately spit on the table and hung out under the table and wouldn't get out. There were about 14 children in the class - all 4 and 5. During the looooong walk from my classroom to his, his teacher was recounting what happened that led her to throw her hands up and come get me.
"So what happened right before all this?" It was snack time and he didn't want to eat (which makes sense to me because he snacked in the worship service). She told him he didn't have to eat but he had to sit at the table and that is when he did the above. Oh and he hit a little girl too. My response, "He probably was trying to say what is wrong but can't and when people didn't get it, he got angry and took it out on the person who was closest."
She opens the door and I see he is sitting in a chair about 2-3 feet aways from the table and she continues to talk. He's looking at me kinda stressed and I smile at him and wave so he knew I wasn't mad, and then asked if we could go back in the hall to discuss it (NOT in front of 14 preschoolers). She said she was trying to be as patient as possible but when he spit on the table, she didn't know what to do because the other kids were watching and they know that isn't acceptable. I looked at her with the most sincere look and said, "I don't know right now how to tell you to handle that. The best thing to do is tell him "Let's take a walk" and remove him from the classroom. That way the kids don't think he got away with it." But she can't leave the other students with one other teacher. So she suggested that I come and walk with him, which means he would probably not go back to class.
"Well he seems to be fine now, so I'm going to go back to class. I'm meeting with his teacher this week and I'll keep you informed on the strategies she gives me." Sending him back to me doesn't seem fair (to either of us) if it can be handled in the classroom. I'm not sure I completely agree with my "Let's take a walk" theory would be best for Eric and how his classmates would see him - not that 4 year olds judge, but they are honest, and they do tell their parents what happens. And unfortunately parents do judge. Been there.
As soon as I opened the door to my classroom, the bell rang so I got to sit in the last 5 minutes. As I sat there I felt my face get flushed. Oh no! Jen, don't cry. It's not your fault. You don't have to have all the answers. Quick, someone say something funny. And someone did and that was that. Deep Breath. Go get your son. Thank the teacher.
On our way out I thought, well I guess if I had been there I would have asked him more questions to find out the real reason he was melting down. That's what we do in the heat of the moment right? But when I'm in the heat of the moment with a teacher, I don't know how to slow my heart rate down to transfer that knowledge to her and break through the frustration barrier that I know she had (she kept repeating over and over again that he spit and hid under the table). I guess I'm so green that I still feel a little attacked because I'm helpless if I wasn't there during the meltdown. We went to Buddy's BBQ for lunch and I asked him what happened in class today and he said,
"I pushed my chair back."
"What happened that you did that?"
He replied in a broken sentences that made it sound like the teacher did something to him, which I knew wasn't true. Those open ended questions really do not work...
"Were you sad?"
"Yes"
"Because of snack time?"
"Yes"
"Because you were not hungry?
"Yes"
"That is OK to not be hungry during snack time, but the smart and friendly thing to do is to sit with your friends while they eat and maybe talk about your trains. Can you do that next time?"
Cue: Avoidant behaviors
Yeah, it was a little long winded. I got that "smart and friendly" thing from Attwood's book The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. I think it is so funny that I use it all the time! I'm sure he heard me say it, but I shortened it just to get a response.
"Just sit with your friends and talk about trains, ok?"
"OK"
Then we role played it and he got it. Too bad we have to wait until next week to see if it works.
Maybe on Wednesday I'll learn a new strategy.
The Honeymoon's over?
Monday was a funny day. I got home late Sunday night after an 11-hour drive from Florida for a weekend retreat. I got up long enough to get Eric ready for school and then crashed back into bed until about 9ish. Got up to shower and get ready to get Eric and got an "emergency" call from a customer who lost her luggage so I got her stuff together to go deliver it while I was out and headed out the door. On the drive there was a cement mixer truck turned on its side and traffic was backed up about a mile so I turned around and took an alternate route. Seeing that I was going to be late, I put a call out to the school to let them know I'd be late. I finally get on the Parkway and my car dings at me that I have no gas. The needle was literally on E. I didn't know whether to fill up first or get Eric first. I reasoned since they knew I was going to be late I might as well stop for gas. So I did. The receipt didn't come out so I had to go inside for that (what did we do before cell phones and pay at the pump???). When I got to the school it appeared that there was a bus mix-up because the bus was still there and 2 children were still standing next to Eric along with the teachers and aides. Seeing me, the aide starts to walk Eric to the car and I get out and noticed (gasp!) I had NO car seats with me. I had taken them out for the weekend trip and hadn't put them back in! Yikes! So I called the hub and he took an early lunch to bring me a car seat. So I was about 15 minutes late to my delivery and she wasn't there so I just left it by the door and headed home. Eric fell asleep on the drive. As I turned into our neighborhood, Bus #297 was leaving our subdivision! Hey! Isn't that the bus we just saw at the school??? I believe so. And seeing that I'm the only mom who picks him up, I will make arrangements for him to ride the bus with his friends. He is very excited.
So it has been a great experience at school in these first few days in the last week or so and great reports of how well he was doing. That is what I call the honeymoon period, so now his true colors are shining through (I'm on an 80's kick now that I have XM radio for 3 months). The best part is that when Eric came home yesterday, I checked his backpack and his report had one big circle around all of the "Hard" scores for listening, participating, having self-control, etc. Why is that the best part? I didn't get a call from the school asking me to remove him from the program!! As a matter of fact the written part of the report did not reflect anything negative to qualify or quantify the Hard marks.
Next week is Fall Break so there is no school all week. Fortunately we have out of town family coming in to visit for the week too. If we are going to mess up the military schedule, might as well get it all done in the same week! What else can we squeeze in there? How about a shopping trip to the outlet stores!!!! yeah yeah yeah!
2nd Day of School
OK it is the second day of school and this morning the Younger was just a pill. He was not happy with anything even if you guessed correctly what he was requesting. Well mainly he wanted Daddy which was fine by me. So I go to get Eric ready for school and I asked him what he wanted to wear to school today...
"The blue shirt and the blue pants."
OK that describes most things in his closet (and his dad's for that matter). So I start pulling things out of the closet...."this one? this one? this one?" Finally I got the right one.
This particular outfit was a STEAL at Wal-mart clearance. I was afraid at first that he wouldn't like the texture of the fabric but for $2 I thought it was worth trying out. It is kinda of a sporty jersey meshy fabric. We like to dress them alike in public so that we can easily spot them when they are in a crowd, or when one runs off (usually the Elder) we can hold up the other kid and ask "have you seen a kid that looks like this?" So we got a set of blue ones for each and a set of green ones too. (Which Cris pointed out is USA and Brazil colors). So long story short. They loved them.
So I take it off the hanger and hand it to him and said ok put them on. Usually it takes a couple of times saying that and me finally coming in to help him. But he got dressed all by himself. Now, he's into this "backwards day" so he wore both the top and the bottoms backwards. I said "Let's turn it around." "No, I want to wear it this way." So I let him. Pick my battles huh? Well....
I go to pick up Eric from school (Hub drops him off - oh, and Ryan fell asleep in the car...I think he might be getting sick). Here comes his teacher. The first thing I noticed was that his clothes were on correctly and I commented on that. I totally got reprimanded (not really she was very professional about it) about allowing him to come to school looking "different" than the other children. "If we want him to mainstream with typical kids, he cannot do anything that will make him stand out. So Think Typical." A paraphrase except for the last sentence. I understand where she is coming from, but something about not wanting him to stand out leaves me a little unsettled. Am I just imagining that? Anyone else have this same or similar experience?
The hilarious thing about the outfit was I thought I would go ahead and dress the Younger in his same outfit so that when I went to pick the Elder up they would match. I grab the top that was left in the closet (remember we consolidated their rooms/clothes/things) and thought, "That looks mighty big for Ry." I look at the tag and it says 4T...which means Eric went to school in Ryan's size 24 months outfit. How did I not notice that??? I guess I was distracted by the whole backwards thing.
On a totally different note, I wanted to post what the Hub did with Movie Maker with the Faces clip. Of course he had to start it when I was "coaching" Eric (See this for the background). But anyhoo, I haven't been able to get him to repeat this. I'm so glad I got it on video!
First Day of School
Today was Eric's first day at his new school and the first day of our military schedule and frankly I think it went rather well. It was nice to know what I was going to do each hour. Terry took Eric to school (By design, he will be on time for work at least 4 days a week) and snapped this photo of the teacher and the aide walking him inside. I'm not sure how they got him to wear the backpack because I never can. I guess I'm a sucker, because he was wearing it when I picked him up too. The aide said that he did very well for the first day. Eric's first response (well, his FIRST response was that he wanted to get on the bus) was "I like my 2 little friends." So on Thursdays it appears there are only 3 kids in the class. I know that there are a total of 7 children in the classroom but everyone is not full time like Eric is. How did I get so lucky?? I am so happy with his IEP that I almost feel guilty - like we don't deserve all these services, but by golly we do and Eric definitely does! It was just very different to not have to take a defensive stand with these people like I feel like I have done for 16 months now, with teachers and directors and other parents and family and even doctors, feeling completely out of control, and pretty much like I was going crazy and everything was a figment of my imagination. I mean they were going out of their way (really, one lady was at home pregnant 2 days before her due date on the phone with them) to grant Eric services that I didn't even know existed (like the in home consultations and the school bus) and setting goals in the IEP that I couldn't even forsee as being a disability. They were so formal in the beginning saying "if he is accepted into the program...." over and over again. Then after the SLS and Psychologist went through their reports (there 6 people there - talk about overwhelming), they announce "we have met as a team and have decided that Eric is eligible for Special Education services" Whew. Then they pull out the IEP report and it was already typed out and printed! All I had to do was agree and initial. It was weird to not feel uncomfortable and in disagreement with inner rage. I feel like I've had a perfect day with the schedule and the peace of mind and I haven't felt this "normal" in a long time.
Well I was going to take Ryan somewhere fun just the two of us this morning before we had to get Eric from school, but Terry and I did something rather spontaneous last night (hey, let's do this before the military schedule won't allow spontaneity).
See 2 nights ago Eric was saying that he wanted to sleep on top of Ryan. Huh?
"I sleep at the top and Ryan sleep at the bottom."
"Oh you mean bunk beds?"
"Is there a ladder?"
"YES, two beds and a ladder."
Terry and I actually thought about getting the boys bunk beds a while back and just not bunking them since they had separate rooms and then later when I wasn't afraid someone would fall, we could let them share a room and then turn Ryan's room (the smaller one) into a play room so that I didn't have to pick up all day - just close the door. Plus the only TV we have upstairs is in our bedroom and they are constantly destroying my room. I stopped making the bed because it never stayed made. But I digress...
We decided against getting beds because they always slept on the floor, beside the bed, but rarely on the bed, unless it was after they had already fallen asleep. It just didn't make sense to spend the money. Eric currently sleeps on the trundle part of my daybed that I slept on since the 1st grade (maybe earlier - perhaps one of my siblings can confirm just how ancient that trundle is) and Ryan's bed was a hand-me-down, so I decided to be humble and pass on the bunks.
So then last night, Eric repeated that he wanted 2 beds and a ladder so I asked,
"Would you like for Ryan to move his bed into your room and sleep in here?"
"Yeah, that's a good ideeeee. No I said i-dee-uh."
So on a whim, Terry and I brought Ryan's bed into Eric's room and moved the couch out of Eric's room into Ryan's room and moved the shelves so that Ryan's bed would be past the front door (some fung shui thing someone told me about). Once the kids were "down" Terry and I rearranged Ryan's room into a play room and moved the TV into there.
OK, so we forget that Ryan has SPD/SID issues and he starts to freak out by all of the change, bless his heart. I eventually had to lay down with him on his little toddler bed and sing him the song that I used to sing to Eric when I was pregnant with Ryan (that really works. it's cool).
Afterthought: the curious george that Ryan has was his consolation prize after he realized that Eric was going to school and he wasn't. He didn't part with it all day and even this morning (friday) he came into the room asking me "where's george?"
IEP
We had our first IEP meeting and it was a little overwhelming but overall a very good meeting. I was nervous at first because they were being very formal but I guess they have to. Anyhoo, the bottom line he was accepted into the public preschool program for 4 half-days a week for social skills training and some pragmatic language skills. He will get another OT evaluation to be officially be getting the OT at the school. They raved at how brilliant he is. They couldn't put a cap on his test scores because he had to get so many wrong before they stop the test and they ran out of items! They are very optimistic about his potential and like Dr A they believe that he will be mainstreamed pretty early if not already by kindergarten!!
I couldn't be happier. The best words I heard his future teacher say were "He can't get kicked out here. We will work with him." It was nice to hear how "normal" he is based on his circumstances.
Oh the other thing I'm clicking my heels about is that we also put in the IEP to have 2 hours a month, in-home consultations with his teacher. I mean she will come to our house and help him transfer the skills they teach him in a structured setting, and generalize them to other settings. Wowee.
He is also eligible to ride the bus which I think would totally make his day, but I'm a little hesitant to do it. Maybe next semester.
It's like summer again...
I decided to pull both boys out of school. I love the Younger's teachers but I honestly just didn't want him to go there. If anything were to happen to him or BY him, I am not confident that it would be handled properly. We save on the tuition and plus, we can go back to full-time cloth diapers!
Tuesday the WHOLE family went to Eric's evaluation. It took a lot longer than I anticipated but the outcome I believe is going to be very good. His next meeting is October 2 so we are back to our summer schedule for the next few weeks. The school in Karns is only half day and about a 30 minutes drive so I have decided to not find an alternative school for Ryan since it didn't make sense to drive back and forth (Eric would be 7:45 to 11:30 and Ryan would be 9-2. I'm getting dizzy thinking about the back and forth driving) and I decided that I should probably have some good quality one on one time with Ryan because I feel like I'm missing out on him. It always pangs to see them grow up so fast right in front of your eyes, I suppose.
Anyhoo, on Wednesday I had to think of something for them to do since there wasn't school anymore. I HAD to work because I had put off so much in the wake of the Friday Confrontation and I had hired a new lady who was coming in to sign her paperwork and orientation at noon and I hadn't even had her contract filled out yet! So Eric comes in the room, in a very good mood I might add, and I ask him,
"So what do you want to do today?"
"I d'know"
"Do you want to GO anywhere?"
"How 'bout...(index finger to mouth, eyes at the ceiling)...Chuck E. Cheese?"
Well, we hadn't been there since a birthday party last month and we fed them ahead of time because of the gluten in pizza. Terry took them to the party so I'm not sure how they handled not being able to have pizza, so I thought I'd get a feel of why he chose that place (like it isn't obvious!).
"So why do you want to go there?"
"First, you get a stamp on your arm, next, you pick food, next, you pick coins, then you PLAY! That's the rules!"
It was hilarious. He did just say food, not pizza, so I asked him if he wanted carrots and cheese (off the salad bar) or hot dogs (no bun)? He didn't answer but I know he heard me. I told Cris to pack some extra contraband in case the carrots and cheese weren't enough.
That evening, Terry came home and took the Younger to the grocery store and I took the Elder to church for Cherub Choir. When we pulled up to the church, Eric says, "I don't want to sing." Well that made my heart sink. I'm hoping it was because he discovered that when you tear up paper napkins in the sun it creates "fuzzies" and he was hyperfocused on that. The choir teacher needed another adult to volunteer for the class so I volunteered on a rotational basis and so I sat in the class with him. I meant to ask the teacher if his behavior was typical or if because I was in there. But it started off, I think, as little stressful for him.
First, when we walked in there were 5 adults in the room (including teacher) as opposed to just 1 in the previous sessions. I think that made him apprehensive and he didn't want to sit in the circle. I asked if he wanted me to sit with him and he slowly started creeping to the circle. I showed him a yellow dot that he could sit on and I tried to pick him up to put him on the dot and I think I overstepped a boundary and he squirmed out and ran to the back of the room. In the meantime, a little girl came in late and joined the circle - on the yellow dot. Eric's face immediately dropped and he looked at me and said,
"I fink there's no room for me in the circle." My heart is just breaking seeing him feel rejected. "Yes there is, here are 2 dots over here."
"But they are not yellow." I can't interrupt class because it is only a 30 minute class, but I look to the teacher and mouth, he wants a yellow dot. She very professionally says, I don't see any more, and continues singing. I mean what is she going to do? Jerk the dot out from underneath the little girl?
Well he went and got a chair and sat near the back of the room. Several of the songs require "requests" and each child may raise their hands and name a body part or and action or what not to sing the song about. Well Eric had his hand up but because he was leaning over, it was more like it was sticking behind him. I told him she couldn't see his hand. So he slowly inched his chair closer and closer and closer to the circle. He finally gave his hand a full raise (it was beautifully poised) and teacher didn't see it and turned around to start a new song. Again, droopy face and a heart-wrenching "aw" of disappointment came out of his mouth. With a little pout he looked at me and said,
"I fink I didn't raise my hand."
So I encouraged him to sit in the circle so she can see his hand. I showed him a red dot he could sit on and he put it under one of the chair legs! (Of course, not in the circle)
At the end we all did a nice "this little light of mine" walk around in a circle number. We got up to hold hands and I deliberately placed Eric between me an another adult. We are walking in the circle and I keep seeing the other mom getting jerked around because Eric HAS to push and pull. I think he was focusing on the dots on the floor and stepping on them as we walked by each. Her daughter has sensory processing disorder so she and I were on the same page. Afterward she is like "he is SO strong!" One last group circle number and more parents had arrived to pick up their so we just made a big production of it. The other mom got moved to the "inner circle" so Eric was holding on to me and a very small petite little girl who was holding her dad's hand. I got a little anxious thinking he just might pull her tiny little arm out of socket. But instead of asking the dad to exchange places (there was another little girl and her pregnant mom on the other side of me), I just whispered in Eric's ear, "Let's see how gentle you can be with her hand." He did GREAT!!!!!
I praised him like crazy and asked him if he wanted to help clean up the dots. He ran around the room and picked them all up (they are very hullabaloo-like), and I was going to ask him to give them to teacher, but he raced to the table and started unstacking them.
"What are you doing?"
"I gotta make a pattern.....there....ok, bye!"
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