I'm not alone

WOW. I found lots of helpful posts at this site:

They could describe things that I couldn't describe. As simple as some of it sounds, I couldn't really describe it without feeling like I was being selfish or egotistical. This post describes her husband which almost exactly describes my hub (except not mobile phones - maybe mp3 players).

Haven't been on the site for a while, but YES!!! my husband is an aspie. I didn't find out till my daughter was diagnosed a year ago - then he admitted the military had told him years ago he had autism but he didn't want to believe it.

Aspie's are ideally suited to the life he led, and they trained many of his 'traits' out of him - his eye contact is the opposite of most - so intense you wish he'd look away. However.... I have got used to the times when communication is 'not possible', at least he will talk about it the next day. Also the fascination with certain things (especially mobile phones and other electronics), not to mention he does most of the talking, even when people aren't interested. There are times I wish I could scream "WHAT ABOUT ME" and he could actually understand me at more than an intellectual level, and not just respond with his own emotional reaction and words. Empathy is something I no longer expect.

Still, at least he is not as emotionally manipulative as most men, and if you can keep things on an intellectual level (forget the emotion, and yelling shuts him down) he is better than most.

Good to hear from another NT trying to live with visitors from another planet.
Here is an Aspie's response:

All you can do is to tell him, in the most kind and loving way possible, how you feel about what he does and says. Be exact; no "you always" or "you never." More like, "When we go for a drive in the car..." or "When we go to visit so-and-so..." The less ambiguity, the better. Some of what you say may come as a complete surprise to him. He could have no idea that in trying to raise his own comfort level, he is lowering yours.
If you become more open about things that bother you, he might feel really awkward and guilty for not noticing in the first place. That's the trouble with autism spectrum disorders: always feeling on the back foot because you failed to live up to someone's expectations, and what's worse, that somehow you were supposed to know what those expectations were, but you didn't.

He may be unwilling - or unable - to stop himself from doing some of the more irritating things. How will you resolve that? Well, it's up to yourselves, isn't it? But at least he will be clear about the fact that you are irritated.

Be as loving and reassuring as you can, and don't wait until those little quirks of his behaviour stop being charming and start being teeth-grindingly annoying. An ability to see the funny side of situations is also a help.

When she says "He could have no idea that in trying to raise his own comfort level, he is lowering yours," I had an AHA moment. That is what I need to get over. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him when it comes to confronting him when I'm disappointed or irritated. It's hard to deal with him not being able to read between the lines or read my body language, when I'm mad, or sad, or excited. It's like he doesn't "care."

Anyhoo, I created an account on this site so maybe I can find it helpful in the future too.

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