The Research for the Day

I had an overwhelming therapeutic need to post this excerpt from the following source about Aspie Adults (about 4/5th down the webpage):

Common issues for partners
An adult’s diagnosis of Asperger syndrome often tends to follow their child’s diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. This ‘double whammy’ can be extremely distressing to the partner who has to cope simultaneously with both diagnoses. Counselling, or joining a support group where they can talk with other people who face the same challenges, can be helpful. Some common issues for partners include:

* Feeling overly responsible for their partner.
* Failure to have their own needs met by the relationship.
* Lack of emotional support from family members and friends who don’t fully understand or appreciate the extra strains placed on a relationship by Asperger syndrome.
* A sense of isolation, because the challenges of their relationship are different and not easily understood by others.
* Frustration, since problems in the relationship don’t seem to improve despite great efforts.
* Frequent wondering about whether or not to end the relationship.
* Difficulties in accepting that their partner won’t recover from Asperger syndrome.
* After accepting that their partner’s Asperger syndrome won’t get better, common emotions include guilt, despair and disappointment.
My intention for posting that is not to get sympathy. It was affirmation for me that I'm normal to feel the things they listed and that it is healthy for me to continue talking to people who have experience with AS (or just Terry and Eric's specific issues). I have found an overwhelming support here, as it is more prevalent that we think. I had never even heard of it before summer.'s_syndrome?OpenDocument
I thought this was a great concise explanation of AS in case you've not been able to read all of the links.

All of this is affirmation to me that Eric is normal (under the umbrella of SI and SPD at least) - that there is nothing seriously wrong with him (or me for that matter). I really began feeling like I was an inadequate parent and that no matter what I did I didn't have control over my kids. But every person that I have confided in here has been so supportive and given me resources and networking me with other moms who are going thru the same thing and given me exercises to do with Eric until he starts therapy again in the fall and what to look for and what to work on and what's important and what isn't a big deal etc etc. One mom and preschool teacher even suggested the gluten-free diet. Had never heard of it, then googled it and sure enough they are trying it with autistic kids. Well Eric isn't autistic, but we thought what the heck let's try it. We have a seen a huge difference in his ability to focus. Now he still is 4 so his focus ain't that great! But has definitely becoming more age appropriate.

Other great FREE articles to download are on
I wanted to link these so family could get an idea of how Eric has been getting help with in his therapy since January. Check these out: #110, 114, 119, 121, 130, 132, 133, 134
Disclaimer that I haven't read all of these in its entirety. I just skimmed and then downloaded for me to read later but I thought I would go ahead direct everyone to the links.

Re: #110
We have seen a great improvement. As a matter of fact on Monday, for the first time EVER, he asked me "Why?" I don't even remember what we were talking about (We were opening his birthday presents) but I was so excited and was praising him. I'm not sure if I ever answered his question though. ha ha. And then today we were putting together some train tracks and I was thinking about the design, and Eric asked me "What are you looking for?" I was sooo proud of him. His speech lady has been working on this (his WH questions) with him since March (the beginning) and I think he may have finally gotten it!! The true test will be the next time he asks Why but in a different scenario. He's gotten pretty good with asking Where - I think that was his first one. He's always said "What are you doing?" but that was from rote memory of me constantly asking him that-tee hee.

Today I was at a baby shower and I started talking to other parents of older kids about some information about kindergarten (because Dr A wants him to go next year versus holding him back a year). Overwhelming response that we should hold him back because boys are more immature. I have heard that and thought that was what we would do. Also have heard that with out a Pre-K class, the kindergarteners are very unprepared. So one brilliant mom said that many parents with bright children will send them to Pre-K to learn the social skills and then send them straight to 1st grade. So I'm going to talk to his dr about this. Anyhoo, I explained to this particular mom that I was afraid to throw him in Kindergarten next year, but his IQ was too high to keep him back which might lead to behaviorial issues. I caught myself saying that he had a learning disability, which in some respects is true - if you can't listen you can't learn (see handout #114) . But that got me thinking for those of you who love and adore Eric and see him as just a normal kid and nothing more - how is it different than an LD, say dyslexia? I have a friend who is dyslexic and I keep forgetting and I keep calling on her to read stuff aloud. But she has learned to cope sooo well that as long as she reads slowly (or has read it before) then it gives her time to rearrange the words. No one would ever know she has an LD, because she appears "normal." That is how I want people to see Eric. Yes we are darn proud of his IQ which by no means is normal, but I intend to help provide him with a normal social life and the ability to communicate effectively to the masses.

OK its late. Good night.

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