The winner is Bonnie at Coffee Autism Faith Explored on this her post "A child is more than a label." Great post and discussion. 10 points to you!!
Bonnie's post struck a cord with me. I know I was run over by an amtrak when we got The Elder's diagnosis even though we were warned 6 months prior to his official diagnosis. In the beginning I think I threw out every excuse I could to "prove" he was NOT on the spectrum. Even once I realized what I was dealing with I wasn't really sure what I was dealing with. I relied so much on what other people were telling me that we needed. Even the school system was guiding him along to a special class (because we know how helpful they are and how much they have the student's best interest at heart, right?). Once the school system recognized that he needed intervention it was like it really sunk in. Then I did a 180 from the beginning and felt like I had to "prove" to everyone why he was on the spectrum, to justify his special treatment from the school system. I mean, all the other preschool moms had to pay for their child to go to private school and how was their child any different than mine. Well, that was really hard to answer because at the time I honestly didn't know the answer. As I began to learn more about the spectrum and more about where The Elder was on the spectrum (since each person IS different) I felt compelled to tell them (the people who asked the questions I formerly could not answer) what traits he exhibited that he was accepted into a special school where he get life training at age 4. "Well, my child does that." "Isn't that normal?" "Isn't that just being a boy/kid?" To which I go on the defensive and start being more specific. Now I'm digging my own hole because I'm labeling my own child which makes me feel like I'm being melo-dramatic and attention-seeking which is totally the opposite. I want people to be aware and to understand but I think I have just come to the conclusion that some people just do not and will not. For some people, it just may not be worth even starting the conversation.
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Posted by Jen P
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Some people are just idiots! I fully believe this!
Wow, thank you for the shout out. Its hard b/c people say things to me like, he seems just fine and I want them to see my son as just fine. However, they don't see the times when he needs extra support b/c he can't buy food from McDonalds... or he's doing great in math but is still at a third grade reading level...
When you have this one figured out please let me know!
Love your blog. I am a mom to an Aspie 4 1/2 year old darling girl so I relate to a lot of what you are saying. oh and the hubby has OCD. I think I'm farther down the path than you as I remember thinking a lot of what you are posting many months ago. Oh the to dx or not or label or not discussions! I finally decided how can my d advocate for herself if she doesn't know? so we told her and she was SO relieved about it. She was constantly wondering why she was different. So now we value the dx and we like being different and we are proud of it.
We still have friends who "don't believe it" and others who think we are holding her back. But I think we already have tons of labels - gender, where you live, etc. - so why not embrace this one?
Anyway, there are days I second guess myself but overall, I am so proud of my daughter and I LOVE that she is not a cookie cutter kid.
Our therapist told us, "From now on, she will make As or Fs in everything she does." In other words, she will be extremely gifted or will struggle. This helped me understand. So we encourage the things she excells at and get services for things she is not.
Thanks again for sharing.
"and felt like I had to "prove" to everyone why he was on the spectrum" I totally know what you are saying here. This feeling comes and goes with me. I thought it would be something I would just get over and move on from but every now and then I feel someone doubting me and it makes me angry. So, I try to explain and then I usually discover that the person is not worth the time. SOunds terrible, I know.
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