Random Thoughts

OK, I was inspired to have a discussion with myself so where else would I turn but to my blog. When we first found out about the prospect of a diagnosis for The Elder (and subsequently The Hub), I can frankly say I was clueless with a capital clueless about the autism spectrum. I was not a blogosopher and I didn't watch TV other than PBS, Playhouse Disney, or Nick Jr (come to think of it, the latter is still true. Actually now we don't watch any TV because we disconnected the cable - just the wire from the wall) so I wasn't aware of all the Autism Awareness things that are so prevalent in the media. The only experience I really had until that point was my nsd's son (and only through stories, not because I've met him) and 2 of my neighbor's friends and again only through hearsay at a later time because at the time when I met their children, they didn't say, "Meet my child, he's autistic." So when I did find out later that their children were on the spectrum I was surprised, I guess because of my then preconceived notions of what autism is. I was even more surprised to learn less than a year later that I have been living with autism in my home for 11 years and hard-core the last 4 years.

So where am I going with this? (I'm asking myself that...oh yeah, I remember now...) I had a really hard time in the beginning of my research of accepting that it is truly Aspergers, and then of understanding exactly what Aspergers is and what it meant to be on the Autism spectrum and what the difference was or even if there was one. I went through a phase where I didn't feel like I couldn't relate to my friends with neurotypical children of the same age as The Elder, but I also felt like I couldn't relate to the parents at the ASA meetings, and I didn't really know how to relate to my girlfriends and their spouses/spices. It's like I heard scenarios and had to stop and think, "does that apply to me and my situation? can I really give an opinion?"

When I finally came to terms to the fact that Autism will always be a part of our lives, it felt so terribly awkward to say that Autism will always be a part of our lives. And though I did say it because I knew it was true according to textbooks, there was always a feeling of uneasiness. I don't think it was on MY part and MY acceptance. I think it was a self-imposed feeling based on what I thought other people thought and THEIR acceptance of it. I have had so many people look at The Elder at first glance (even special educators) and question his diagnosis. And we don't really tell anyone (other than in the freedom of blogging) about The Hub's diagnosis, because they both do appear so typical and at those times, I, not wanting to make a mountain out of a molehill, immediately start to question everything myself, even though, textbooks aside, I know in the very core of my being that the diagnoses is the link to every issue we've ever had as a family and couple, therefore also the link to the solutions. So I am eternally grateful for their diagnoses because I cannot say where we would be without it.

This random self-discussion was spawned from this post at Asperger Square 8, and a post that she links to at NTs are Weird about prejudice of HFA/LFA, and then JER's post about Billy the Kid. And I think my post was materialized from a fear. All I know is what I know and have experienced thus far, and because I know very few people who have children with Aspergers between the ages of 4 and 36, I don't know what to expect for The Elder in school years, adolescence, college. And even if I did know other people, doesn't mean it will apply to us, huh? My biggest fear is that I'm getting ahead of myself. My second biggest fear is that I'm not planning ahead. What if I won't fight for something because I don't even know that he needs it? Talk about being hidden! Sometimes I shock myself when I have intuition, but I have been discovering it more lately. I guess I just need to give myself more credit than I do.

Sorry if this was hard to follow my train of thought here. Just had a journaling moment...

13 Responses to "Random Thoughts"

Casdok (visit their site)

Its interesting to read a chain of thought on a blog!!

Elissa - Managing Autism (visit their site)

I really hear you on all of this! At times I have struggled with a lot of the same thoughts myself, especially feeling that I just don't really relate to anyone (not in the 'knowing' sense anyway).
Fear of what might be to come is still a huge issue for me, but one that I am battling to deal with. I am trying to learn to trust - and yes, this is easier said than done!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts...
and stop over to check out my comment on the trampolining!
xx

Sustenance Scout (visit their site)

Jen P, as a mom with NT kids I certainly don't have the perspective to help much, but my first reaction is to take things one day at a time. The same way an expectant mother should never read the "when things go wrong" section of the pregnancy book unless something specific is of concern, parents can't possibly cope if they worry about every potential tragedy that might some day impact their children.

As for the "self-imposed feeling based on what I thought other people thought and THEIR acceptance" of autism as it affects your family, please consider this advice from an elderly black gentleman who wrote a book about his lifelong battle with discrimination. "What other people think about me is none of my business." In short, don't give it a second thought. K.

Sustenance Scout (visit their site)

Jen, I just posted a response to my nifty (thank you again!) award and your current post. K.

Jen P (visit their site)

Casdok-
In person I play a game of it. I'll have a random thought and I think "how in the world did I get to that?" and I'll think back the chain until I can figure out the source. Weird, I know. At least on a blog I can delete the REALLY random thoughts that might have others scratching theirs heads at me.

Elissa,
We got the mini-trampoline that has built in games. It was actually cheaper than just the plain ones so I guess I feared its quality. I'll post over there too.

Karen-
Ironically, I'm the one you quoted as saying "I can’t spend time to stress over what people think." Ho Hum. Still have a long way to grow! Thanks for the expectant mom analogy. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed with information that we forget to filter - in any new situation. Also thanks for your post today. I'll leave a comment over there for you.

Jen (visit their site)

When we started down the road of ASD with Ky I had to come to a place. I'm not even sure how I got there - but at my first visit with the psychologist he asked 'you seem so calm - most parent's describing what you are, are in tears' - and my answer was 'no matter what you tell me about Ky - he's the same Ky that he was last week. He'll just have a label and a roadmap that we can help him on'. It wasn't until those words came out of my mouth that I realised I really felt that way.

It wasn't easy. I did do a small battle with depression that I dragged myself out of (with help). And it helps that my supposedly NT boy is just as off the wall and crazy as Ky ;o) just in different ways.

Sustenance Scout (visit their site)

Thanks for your kind comment, Jen P! I'm learning even more by coming back here to read comments. Gotta love the blogosphere. K.

Jen P (visit their site)

You know, Jen, that is so true. The Younger definitely has his own set of quirkies. He is also OCD and SPD but much much more strong willed (and louder).

I guess when we started talking to professionals I panicked with the thought "Who are these people?" (as in The Elder and The Hub) I wish I had had your attitude in the beginning because where I am now is so much less stressful than when I drew that blank and wondered where my family went (and my mind along with them!). They are the same crazy people in my life that I love and appreciate even more!

Elissa - Managing Autism (visit their site)

Now you have me intrigued - what are the built in games?!?

Jen P (visit their site)

Elissa, I went to look it up to send you a link and I found it cheaper! Grrrr! Here's the one we bought.

Marla Fauchier Baltes (visit their site)

I too think too far ahead. I enjoyed reading this post. This is my first visit to your blog. I will have to go back and read some more!

Jen P (visit their site)

Marla, Thanks for stopping by. I actually have visited your site thru Maizie's site thru Elissa's I think. Please come back. I enjoy getting feedback from people who can relate. I really does kick that alone feeling in the butt!

Anonymous (visit their site)

外遇外遇
外遇外遇
外遇外遇
外遇外遇
外遇 外遇
外遇 外遇

外遇 外遇 外遇
外遇 外遇 外遇 外遇
外遇


外遇 外遇
外遇

外遇 外遇
外遇
外遇

外遇 外遇
外遇 外遇 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 ,
外遇 外遇 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 外遇 外遇


外遇 外遇
外遇

外遇 外遇

外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇
劈腿劈腿
劈腿劈腿劈腿
劈腿劈腿劈腿喜帖
囍帖卡片囍帖卡片囍帖卡片囍帖卡片囍帖卡片
外遇外遇 外遇 外遇
外遇 外遇
外遇 外遇 外遇 外遇剖析 外遇調查 外遇案例 外遇諮詢 偷情 第三者外遇話題 外遇發洩 感情挽回 徵信社 外遇心態 外遇 通姦 通姦罪 外遇徵信社徵信社外遇 外遇 抓姦徵信協會徵信公司 外遇 徵信 包二奶 跟蹤 監控 徵信 徵信社 徵信 徵信社 徵信社 徵信社 徵信社 徵信 徵信 婚姻 婚前徵信 前科 查址 個人資料 外遇 第三者 徵信社 偵探社 抓姦 偵探社 偵探社婚 偵探社 偵探社
偵探家事服務家事服務家電維修家事服務家事服務家事服務家事服務
家事服務持久持久持久持久持久持久持久離婚
網頁設計徵信社徵信社徵信徵信社外遇離婚協議書
劈腿持久持久
持久持久持久
劈腿剖析徵信徵信社
外遇外遇外遇外遇徵信社
徵信社徵信社徵信社徵信社徵信社
徵信徵信社徵信徵信
徵信徵信徵信徵信徵信徵信
徵信徵信徵信徵信
徵信徵信徵信
徵信徵信徵信
徵信徵信徵信徵信
徵信徵信社徵信社徵信社
徵信社徵信社徵信社徵信社
徵信社