Eric really displayed some impressive memory skills today.
Yesterday we were making a card for daddy's birthday around 2pm. (When I say we, of course, that is the "royal we".) Ryan did sit down at the table with me (and was master of the glue stick...), but Eric was into his computer so I would say something like "do you want to help?" "Yes" "Then come glue this onto the paper." He puuuulllllls himself away from the computer, grabs the letter and pats it down on the card, barely taking his eyes off the computer and then quickly resumes his game. This happened a couple of times before I finally gave up on his participation in card making and Ryan and I just finished it up (when I say Ryan and I, I mean just I).
So in an effort to be funny because my assistant was in the other room listening in on all this and laughing at my feeble attempts to engage Eric in the activity, I told Eric (well, just said it aloud in Eric's general direction), "OK, now be sure to tell Daddy about your card first thing in the morning....say about 5:00 am, ok?" We are both laughing and D is telling me how cruel I am (cue evil laugh). Ryan was actually laughing too. Eric....no.
"So Eric, where can we put this where daddy can't find it until tomorrow?"
"How 'bout........over there" (pointing to the drawer to his train table)
So I go to lay it in there and tell him I did that. His response was blank as if to say, why are you talking to me, can't you see I'm on the computer.
Now fast forward to this morning. My head was splitting because we went to bed really late last night getting ready for the camping trip. And Eric was sitting on the bed between us staring into space with a big smile on his face. I whispered into his ear, "Tell Daddy Happy Birthday in his ear" which he did and Terry gave him a hug (the sleepy half hug). So cute scene that makes us go "awwww" and then time to close my eyes again and sleep off this headache. Then I hear Eric say...
"Daddy, I gotta show you something..........its downstairs.....................hold my hand."
I personally had forgotten about the card (wife of the year award), but as soon as he said that, I knew what he was talking about and I was wide awake and making Terry get out of bed too trying to act as if I was clueless. But piping up halfway down the stairs saying "wait, let me get my camera" kinda ruined that intention.
So because I don't know how to reduce the size of avi files yet, I can only put in screen captures of the video. I was simply amazed that, not only did he hear me say that yesterday, but he remembered to do it too!
The funny part was the requirements of Terry that he had to meet in order to receive his card.
"Get on the LoveSac....
"Go to the back of the LoveSac....
"Close your eyes....
"on the ground....
"Close your eyes on the ground.....
"All the way to the floor....
"Make it bigger...
"Do you like this, daddy?"
"Can I open my eyes now?"
"No"
Rote Memory
Happy Birthday Terry!
Terry is the big triple dozen today which mean according to William Tell Mom he is no longer grounded! We are going camping tonight and will be back tomorrow after Terry's race. Wish us luck as it is the first time going with the kids!
On our stroll to the neighborhood park on Wednesday, I asked the kids what they wanted to get Daddy for his birthday. The first response was actually, "a cake? a Thomas Cake just like me? at MY party?" Which is funny because he didn't have a Thomas cake, but that is beside the point. So I said, "Well, cake is a tradition so he'd get that anyway, what kind of gift would you like to give him for his birthday?"
"How 'bout...(finger in the air)....a new car?"
Well that was an easy one as that afternoon we were scheduled to pick up our 3rd free car. Remember the whole springing things on them...I didn't tell them until that morning that we were going to get it that day, even though we finished qualifying for it on June 30th. Ryan took the transition pretty hard, but then got over it when I let him sit in my lap in the driver's seat while the dealership rep went over the features. Now he makes sure that everyone knows about his excitement. "new cah, new cah, new cah."
So Happy Birthday, Terry! Here's your new car (except I'm going to drive it, ok?).
Ooh & Aah
If you have a preschooler who LOVES Playhouse Disney then you'll understand the title of this post. Eric's usual favorite sites these days is curious george and nick jr, but he's been visiting playhouse Disney more recently, I'm not exactly sure why. But he plays this one
activity called Fetch a Fruit:
It's like a fancy connect the dots game except you draw a "vine" through the fruit and then one of the monkeys will climb the vine and collect the fruit. What makes it so funny to watch Eric do it, is that this is what his vine looks like:
And he has those poor monkeys climbing all over the place-even off the screen (I recreated these scenes for screen capturing purposes). It is pretty humorous to watch. Eric doesn't even crack a smile! I invite you to try the activity yourself here.
The second funny part, which I wish I had on video, was he went to click on the Stories link (see first screen shot on the left panel). I said, "oh, are we going to read stories now?"
"There's just one. Not 2, not 5, and not 20."
(with the corresponding finger gestures, except for he just held up 10 fingers for 20)
First Hair Cut
His first SOLO hair cut that is. Ryan found a pair of scissors and had his way with them. Hard to tell in the picture but it was about an inch long. Fortunately it was off the top of his head and not the middle of his forehead (like I did when I was a kid). So you can't really tell there is a lock missing.
Training for Camp
We have a bad habit of springing things on the kids. Usually we might say, guess where we are going tomorrow (sometimes it is today)? It might be a birthday party, it might be the mall, it might be a doctor's appointment, it might be a road trip, it might be flying on an airplane. Ryan gets a little anxious we've noticed (much more than Eric who typically gets over the change 2 minutes after we've explained why we are going where we are going).
Well, next week being Terry's birthday and that it coincides with a big 17 mile trail race that he likes to do, we decided to make it a family camping trip. Terry and I hadn't camped there since before eric was born so I thought it would be exciting. In telling a friend about the trip she tells me a little story about her friend who brought their kids 2 states away to go camping and the kids hated it! They had never been camping before and knew after the first night that they wanted to go back home. So with that new information, I decided we should only stay one night (even though it is reserved for 2 nights) and that we might want to get a separate tent for Terry so he can actually sleep the night before the race.
At this point it still didn't occur to me to tell the kids of the plans. I don't know why, maybe habit? Well, last night Eric made a comment about making a tent and referencing a tv show where I suppose they were camping. Hey, thanks for the reminder, son! So I had the bright idea to pitch the actual tent for them to "camp" in overnight. Well, it didn't fit in Eric's room, so we moved it to Ryan's room and it fit, but the poles didn't really. Somehow we got the poles strung through and the top of the test was about 2 inches under the ceiling fan. They thought it was the greatest thing. Even Ryan got excited about putting his blankets (gimmes) and pillows in the tent. Then getting books for us to read them for bed time. BUT when it came time to sleep, Ryan pitched a fit. He did NOT want to be in that tent. He kept saying over and over "eh-kick's woom, eh-kick's woom." "You can sleep in Eric's room if you want, but Eric wants to sleep in the tent." Cue hysteria.
Don't know what daddy did, but he got Ryan to sleep in the tent. And here he is at nap time today. Hopefully by Friday night, he will be comfortable enough in the tent, that his hysteria will just be from the chilly night air, no night light, and strange outdoor noises.
What about Jenny?
I received a lot of emails and phone calls from friends and family regarding the Oprah show that featured two celebrities whose children have autism. Unfortunately I didn't watch the show. (frankly, I forget sometimes that there is television outside of PBS and Nick Jr.) But I did read the article at Oprah.com and here was one of my responses to an email:
I went to Oprah to read about this. It's hard to get something really useful from people whose children have Autistic Disorder because the "symptoms" are so different than Aspergers, yet so many are the same. I usually read about everything though. I have one blog that I keep up with and her 10 year old only says words and phrases at a time and even the number of phrases are limited. I just can't relate to that, but she does have great topics of discussion because she is a phd and writer for an online mag.To add to that, something I was discussing to someone in person, was that it isn't really fair to tell a child that he has been "cured" from autism. We have been told that there is no cure for Aspergers and I believe that. (I do believe that people with autistic disorder can improve their diagnosis to higher functioning) Why isn't it fair? because we have NO idea what is really going on in their head because they cannot communicate well. So if we tell them they are cured, and then they wonder why they feel rejected or like an outsider or frustrated because they don't know what to say in a new situation, that could lead to extreme things like depression, teen pregnancies, suicide, etc. often without any warning. However, if they know that they have autism then they have an explanation of why they are the way they are. The person still has a choice to either use it as an excuse or to use it as awareness to adapt to it.
...The controversy with what Mccarthy advocates is on whether Autism is a disease or illness as opposed to a disorder, and they are trying to "heal" them. I think of it as "adaptation." Obviously it doesn't go away or Terry wouldn't still have issues. He may just be mild Aspergers or right outside of the spectrum, but his disabilities are real and it has been hard for me to not get frustrated with him, it's more frustration with myself and my patience. It's harder when it is an adult. But I think that Eric will be able "adapt" better when he is an adult just from the fact that he is growing up in a generation that is a lot more aware than ours.
Terry and I use little scripts. We always have and we would just crack up at each other every time we would "reenact" a skit of some sort. But now I know why we did it. Not just to be silly, but we were in fact communicating. Crazy.
We started the gluten-free diet about mid-June about 2 weeks before Eric's official diagnosis, and I so have to credit McCarthy for my being aware of this, but after I read her post on oprah.com I connected the fact that since we was on the diet he started to talk a lot more and form complete sentences. I think it was about 6 weeks into the diet that he started doing that. I might have to check out past blogs to know for sure. The other thing I noticed was affection. The first time I noticed it was about mid August when he came out of church (I can't rememer if it was choir or sunday school class) he ran towards me with open arms saying "mommy!" as if he was happy to see me. I had never really experienced that before and I was a little shocked and felt like a normal mom at the same time. I think he probably picked that up from Ryan who is very affectionate and huggy-kissy. But I can tell that Eric is trying to express his own feelings, he may be using someone else's method, but I believe that it is truly his own feelings. He has even improved in the "I love you" department. First, when we said I love you, he would say nothing. Then he would repeat us and say "love lou." Now, as reported by Terry at the end of the bedtime routine, he will respond with "I love lou, too, daddy" which tells me that he isn't just repeating our words but is directing them to Terry. (He still says "I love lou" to me. sniff. I'll keep you posted when he directs it to me)
I think that is what I think will be difficult in this journey of Aspergers, especially with the early intervention. The fact that he will learn to interact, communicate, etc with the typical children make it really difficult to see a disorder in him. If you haven't seen Mozart and the Whale, please do. It is really eye-opening to what Aspergers can look like in different people.
I mean if Terry made it through to adulthood without a clue, then I think Eric might have the same chances. But the bottom line is that I think it is so key that he understand his condition so that he can understand himself if he does have a meltdown which seemed to come from no where or if he does feel like he is the leading role in the production of Life and feeling like he is not living his own life, that he is different inside than what everyone perceives of him or if he can't express himself very well, to not give up, etc etc. It is MY job as his parent to raise him to live with integrity to why he was put on this earth and NOT to make excuses because of circumstances. Tall order - but I'm up for the challenge....I hope.
Can't Undo Delete, but...
Well, I cleared everything off my camera's SD card (after uploading it all to the computer - whew!) but I loved having these videos handy on my camera to watch whenever I wanted to. So I'm hoping that if I blogged on them I would be able to get them on my phone via mobile Picasa, so let's see if that works....
This video was taken in the car on the way to Iowa (see post for cute story on that trip). If you can't hear what he is singing along to, it is Schoolhouse Rock's "Interjections"
This one just makes me laugh.
This one just makes Ryan laugh. (and Eric though he didn't want to admit it)(Coming Soon - looking for a way to get it under 100MB. Any ideas?)
10-6-07: was able to compress it using none other than Windows Movie Maker which comes free with XP and Vista! Oh, and you can't see the videos on Mobile Picasa. bummer. =o(
"Tee Hee"
"I can't like it! Go back to Thomas videos!"
By the way, you can't upload these directly from Picasa to Blogger, I had to do it straight from Blogger. Would be nice to have that feature in Picasa, huh?
Collage Days
Look what we found! I slept through some of my classes in college, Ryan is just sleeping in this collage and it's not costing us an arm and a leg (at least not yet). Collage is courtesy of Picasa.... oooo say that again. PICASA!!! Jen and Terry
Stickies
This is one of those activities that was sent from heaven above. They get focused, quiet, play together nicely, and work those fine motor skills all in a 30 minute time frame!
We have have had a sticker folder for who knows how long and we just keep using it each time for sticker time. Uncle Chris sends those address labels you get for free every month just for them to peel and stick on the folder!
Now they have their own way with stickers, or stickies as the Younger calls them. Eric likes to peel them off and put them all in one area on the folder leaving bald spots and Ryan will tend to place them in the bald spots.
Today was different, Eric was still putting the stickers on top of each other but he was a little more artistic today. He used larger Transformers stickers first and then used tiny Easter eggs, flowers, bunnies, chicks, etc. stickers to put on top of the transformer ones, 
BUT staying within the larger sticker's boundaries. I was really impressed. That is what he is doing in the pictures in the corner closest to him.
Ryan branched out today too by putting Uncle Chris's address all over the front of his T-shirt! No, we didn't ship him away...
Anyhoo, this is again a heaven-sent half hour. Not for their benefit, but for mine because I get to sit back and watch them in amazement of how wonderfully made they are and how incredibly blessed I am to have two beautiful, too smart for their own good, sweet sweet boys.
At least for a half hour anyways.
What's all the talk?
Today was a fun day with the boys. I again got to spend pretty much the whole day with them and it is just amazing how well they are talking. I have noticed that Ryan has taught Eric a lot of phrases (and Eric has taught Ryan a lot of behaviors, hmmmm...) and it is so cute to hear the Elder echo the Younger.
Some of the things that have sunk in this week for Eric. To ask to use the computer. Wow, I never thought I'd see the day that would happen without me having to duck to avoid a shoe, or spoon, or whatever he could get his hands on at the moment, when I would have to say no. Or quickly remove the laptop from in front of him (or vice-versa) to keep him from beating the keyboard to death. I mean to hear "mommy, caniplay on lour computer please?" wants me to let him use it every time he asks and so far I have. He does have his own logon name on my laptop, so he knows he has to "Switch User" and get to his screen before he can play (which he can do independently). He used to have a Thomas Wallpaper but has moved over to Curious George and on his 2nd CG scene since I showed him how to change the wallpaper that one time. He also has a bunch of Internet Explorer links (which is how I know he is on his screen in a quick glance because I use Firefox) on his desktop that only HE knows where they link to, because to the layman, the links look like they link to some site called "lksjdh ;uh;fjzsdj ohg;oshdogi," ";shtuwaotuSDjf;o'rg" and ";ish;oahrjgJ dng;ahr'goi." plus some other sites too that speak a similar language.
Well, today our internet is down so I was planning on using my broadband card, but in an attempt to stake claim to my computer I told him it was down, and he proceeded to hover over the network icon in the systray with the mouse, saying, "No, we have 5 bars!" He was ok with playing Purble Place for a while which is on my hard drive.
During that, the Younger awakens from his nap and comes running to me with arms up, saying, "Hold you." So I pick him up so he can he what Eric is playing on the computer. "Sit down stead." So I let him share the barstool with his brother. When Eric finished and won his game, I cheered for him. Ryan then put his right arm around Eric's shoulders and his left hand on Eric's left arm and gave him a squeeze and said,"Good job, eh-kick!" just like a proud dad would do to his graduating son. Of course this is also the same kid that 10 minutes later when we put Little Einsteins in the DVD player tell me to "Go away" as I go to kiss him good-bye. Hmmmm.. where'd he learn that from, eh-kick?
We are trying to potty training Ryan (not very hard as he is still in diapers - he hates trainers). But every night after tubtime we let him run around nakey until he pees (yes, our carpet is sad). And then we tell him that feeling is pee pee and when he feels that he needs to sit on his potty. Last night he was in our room and ran ALL the way to his room (which isn't far but when your legs are only 12 inches long I guess it is) and sat on the potty without prompting and he made pee pee!!!
Because I've been spending a lot of time with the boys lately, Ryan has gotten a little clingier than normal. Tonight he used his body as a barricade to my car and wouldn't let me get in and I was already like 5 minutes late for a meeting. And when I did get in he tried to open the back seat door. When I pull out of the garage waving to him, he was giving me the "fake pout." Cris and I each had to cover our mouths to laugh. It's funny how I don't get too wound up about this separation anxiety. I guess because Eric never had it, and I had lived through the stress of it vicariously through the other preschool moms whose children in Eric's class were screaming death cries when they got dropped off. And then again learned the lesson right along with them that they are just fine. (I think I cried more because Eric didn't cry when I dropped him off)
Anyhoo, the meeting was canceled so I came home in less than a half hour and I thought I would surprise him. They were both in the tub and when I got there they became wired. We let Ryan do the nakey dance (no pictures were taken to protect the embarrassment at his future wedding reception) and they were running up and down the halls getting us "food." TWICE Ryan stopped what he was doing to run and sit on the potty and TWICE he would look up at me and say, "s'not working" (stage fright I assume). Shortly after the second try, he peed on the floor. He was very upset about this and started rolling on the floor, saying "I'm sleepy." I mentioned to Cris how it is so odd to hear him talk about his feelings because Eric never told us when he was tired or hungry or thirsty or happy or whatever (at least accurately). But, again, Eric has learned a lot from his baby brother. Like how to pretend play at least with the "serving us food" game. It's cute because Eric's play is a cross between what he sees/hears Ryan do when he is pretending and what he sees/hears us (Me, Terry, & Cris) say when we are actually serving him food.
"Mommy, what do you want? Orange juice or apple juice?"
"Orange Juice"
"That's a good ideeee."
Then he puts his hand tightly over my mouth (as if he is trying keep me from talking) and makes drinking noises.
My boys....growing up...
Where was my camera??
Choir was tonight and in the driveway Eric asks if he could have a snack and I replied that he just had dinner, but if he listened to Miss Nancy today and stayed in the circle, then we would talk about a snack.
He stumbled and stuttered and kept restarting his sentence and then after 3-4 attempts just gave up whatever he was trying to say. "I can't say it." I told him that I was listening and to start again. After a little more stuttering he finally said, "I go to school to sing with Miss Nancy?" "Yes you are?" "With you?" "We'll see. Are you excited about singing with Miss Nancy?" "But the...the little girl...took my yellow dot." "She didn't mean to, but we are getting there early today so that you can pick whichever dot you want!" I see content smiling from the rear-view mirror.
Teacher gracefully told me that maybe I should not volunteer today, which I completely agreed. There were a lot of circumstances last week that could have contributed to his lack of participation and being with the group but I know how it is when me or dad are around. I mean, poor Cris is the only one who can get them to eat at home and thus has inherited the job, because even if we are in the kitchen they will not eat. She is always telling me how they ask for more, and dad and I can't even get them to finish one serving without bribing them with ice cream, and sometimes that doesn't even work!
Anyhoo, we came into the door and he saw all the dots and immediately sat down and claimed his spot. I laughed telling teacher that we came early just for that and she said "I have a closet full of yellow dots!" Keep them handy, is all I can say. I stepped out and heard Eric cry out for me but I followed other moms to the nursery to have an adult conversation. =o) When we came back a half hour later, I couldn't have been beaming brighter with pride when I sneaked a peak in the room. Last week teacher asked if he wanted to be a candle in "this little light of mine" and he hesitated. I could tell that he did. I encouraged him and the stepped back a little so she moved on to another student. Tonight I saw Eric being the candle in the middle of the circle doing his hand motion above his head (the "light") and standing still while the other kids were encircling him, moving in toward him, and then moving back out. He had the biggest expression on his face!
pants, applesauce, smart
Today was a fun day with the boys. I usually work until the afternoon but I had the privilege to be with them all morning. A couple of hilarious stories.
Story #1
The first one I actually got snap shots of. I sent Eric into his room to change out of his PJs. He was absorbed in his L-max so I walked in there and asked him to pause his game, take off his Pjs, and put on his clothes. "OOoooooh!"
"These are pants?" He's been all questions lately.
"Yes, put them on."
All I could hear was giggling so I came in and this is what I found:
His response was "I fink this is wrong."
Story #2a
It was time for a snack so we headed to the kitchen and I pulled the box down. It was pretty lean but tonight is grocery night so it will be replenished. Eric grabs an applesauce and Ryan is having a hissy because none of his favorite things are left - "joose snack"
Eric grabs another applesauce and offers it to Ryan,
"Ryan, want applesauce?"
"No" (imagine that in a 2-year old curt, angry voice)
"I fink I'll just eat two."
Story #2b
Ryan finally decides on applesauce and he starts by taking gi-normous scoops out of the cup. He managed to get it all in his mouth except for a little glob on the bottom of the spoon that fell in his lap, so I got a napkin and put it in his lap (actually HE took it, unfolded it, made sure it was completely open, and angled completely square with his lap.) The next
"That was a good idea to take a smaller bite."
"small bite?" as he fills his spoon about halfway "dis small bite?"
"Yes it is. You are so smart."
"You smart too."
It's great to be affirmed.
Our lil addict
"Chips, mommy."
"Be careful those are spicy."
"I like spicy"
"I'm firsty."
"Mommy, it's good daddy joose."
"Save some for daddy."
"Tehwy, want some daddy joose?... Tehwy! ...No?"
Yes, the Younger is growing up too fast! Not only is his speech coming right along, but his taste buds are maturing too! Diet Coke and Black Pepper crackers?? My my. I nearly fell out of my seat though when he called out to his dad by his name! Terry was in the basement so of course he couldn't hear him. Ryan called out to him several times when he finally said "No?" and then he continued to finish off the can!
It's amazing what you'll let your second-born get away with as far as diet goes (and I suppose a lot of other things too). His caffeine addiction started in utero. I never drank coffee (other than in college) until after I stopped nursing Eric at 11 months old. And when we found out we were having Ryan I just could not kick the habit. I took the "2-3 cups of coffee a day is fine" from my OB quite literally and I think I've had 2-3 cups a day ever since. We knew that Ry was an addict the first time he drank some of my coffee and then went and took a nap - completely unaffected!
It's like summer again...
I decided to pull both boys out of school. I love the Younger's teachers but I honestly just didn't want him to go there. If anything were to happen to him or BY him, I am not confident that it would be handled properly. We save on the tuition and plus, we can go back to full-time cloth diapers!
Tuesday the WHOLE family went to Eric's evaluation. It took a lot longer than I anticipated but the outcome I believe is going to be very good. His next meeting is October 2 so we are back to our summer schedule for the next few weeks. The school in Karns is only half day and about a 30 minutes drive so I have decided to not find an alternative school for Ryan since it didn't make sense to drive back and forth (Eric would be 7:45 to 11:30 and Ryan would be 9-2. I'm getting dizzy thinking about the back and forth driving) and I decided that I should probably have some good quality one on one time with Ryan because I feel like I'm missing out on him. It always pangs to see them grow up so fast right in front of your eyes, I suppose.
Anyhoo, on Wednesday I had to think of something for them to do since there wasn't school anymore. I HAD to work because I had put off so much in the wake of the Friday Confrontation and I had hired a new lady who was coming in to sign her paperwork and orientation at noon and I hadn't even had her contract filled out yet! So Eric comes in the room, in a very good mood I might add, and I ask him,
"So what do you want to do today?"
"I d'know"
"Do you want to GO anywhere?"
"How 'bout...(index finger to mouth, eyes at the ceiling)...Chuck E. Cheese?"
Well, we hadn't been there since a birthday party last month and we fed them ahead of time because of the gluten in pizza. Terry took them to the party so I'm not sure how they handled not being able to have pizza, so I thought I'd get a feel of why he chose that place (like it isn't obvious!).
"So why do you want to go there?"
"First, you get a stamp on your arm, next, you pick food, next, you pick coins, then you PLAY! That's the rules!"
It was hilarious. He did just say food, not pizza, so I asked him if he wanted carrots and cheese (off the salad bar) or hot dogs (no bun)? He didn't answer but I know he heard me. I told Cris to pack some extra contraband in case the carrots and cheese weren't enough.
That evening, Terry came home and took the Younger to the grocery store and I took the Elder to church for Cherub Choir. When we pulled up to the church, Eric says, "I don't want to sing." Well that made my heart sink. I'm hoping it was because he discovered that when you tear up paper napkins in the sun it creates "fuzzies" and he was hyperfocused on that. The choir teacher needed another adult to volunteer for the class so I volunteered on a rotational basis and so I sat in the class with him. I meant to ask the teacher if his behavior was typical or if because I was in there. But it started off, I think, as little stressful for him.
First, when we walked in there were 5 adults in the room (including teacher) as opposed to just 1 in the previous sessions. I think that made him apprehensive and he didn't want to sit in the circle. I asked if he wanted me to sit with him and he slowly started creeping to the circle. I showed him a yellow dot that he could sit on and I tried to pick him up to put him on the dot and I think I overstepped a boundary and he squirmed out and ran to the back of the room. In the meantime, a little girl came in late and joined the circle - on the yellow dot. Eric's face immediately dropped and he looked at me and said,
"I fink there's no room for me in the circle." My heart is just breaking seeing him feel rejected. "Yes there is, here are 2 dots over here."
"But they are not yellow." I can't interrupt class because it is only a 30 minute class, but I look to the teacher and mouth, he wants a yellow dot. She very professionally says, I don't see any more, and continues singing. I mean what is she going to do? Jerk the dot out from underneath the little girl?
Well he went and got a chair and sat near the back of the room. Several of the songs require "requests" and each child may raise their hands and name a body part or and action or what not to sing the song about. Well Eric had his hand up but because he was leaning over, it was more like it was sticking behind him. I told him she couldn't see his hand. So he slowly inched his chair closer and closer and closer to the circle. He finally gave his hand a full raise (it was beautifully poised) and teacher didn't see it and turned around to start a new song. Again, droopy face and a heart-wrenching "aw" of disappointment came out of his mouth. With a little pout he looked at me and said,
"I fink I didn't raise my hand."
So I encouraged him to sit in the circle so she can see his hand. I showed him a red dot he could sit on and he put it under one of the chair legs! (Of course, not in the circle)
At the end we all did a nice "this little light of mine" walk around in a circle number. We got up to hold hands and I deliberately placed Eric between me an another adult. We are walking in the circle and I keep seeing the other mom getting jerked around because Eric HAS to push and pull. I think he was focusing on the dots on the floor and stepping on them as we walked by each. Her daughter has sensory processing disorder so she and I were on the same page. Afterward she is like "he is SO strong!" One last group circle number and more parents had arrived to pick up their so we just made a big production of it. The other mom got moved to the "inner circle" so Eric was holding on to me and a very small petite little girl who was holding her dad's hand. I got a little anxious thinking he just might pull her tiny little arm out of socket. But instead of asking the dad to exchange places (there was another little girl and her pregnant mom on the other side of me), I just whispered in Eric's ear, "Let's see how gentle you can be with her hand." He did GREAT!!!!!
I praised him like crazy and asked him if he wanted to help clean up the dots. He ran around the room and picked them all up (they are very hullabaloo-like), and I was going to ask him to give them to teacher, but he raced to the table and started unstacking them.
"What are you doing?"
"I gotta make a pattern.....there....ok, bye!"
Awareness Rising
I'm so grateful for the following emails that I've received from beloved family members who are showing their support and their effort in researching and accepting Aspergers into their family....Well I have just spent some very productive time reading through much of what you sent in this email. Not the books but your blogs. I sure wish I had some idea of this when Terry was a child. It was very frustrating at times. Especially in the mornings as I am a morning person and everyone in my family was. I did not cope well and he suffered as I did. I applaud your efforts...
...Hi, Thanks for sending the info about this new interesting creature so that we may be able to comprehend or understand better. Amazing that in an almost instant in our lives something happens and we somehow get thrown out of balance and we get in the middle of this seeming quagmire of confusing identities. Sure all of us got some quirks, some easy, some of them deep and difficult to explain but the tough thing to deal with is the person's feeling in trying to integrate, his/her own difficulty to communicate and trying to understand his/her own inadequacy. I say it's a tough life out there, tough enough to understand and give a response much less a proper one and then to call a name to it and diagnose more cases, ugh, it's contagious is there a vaccine available? Can't we just stop making sense?...
...I choose to believe that in the norm there is also a spectrum of responses, receptions, reactions etc. and they didn't all have to fit but look into their eyes and you might find a better response. How many times in our effort to explain what we feel/our assertions we really put down the other person without intending to? I much rather have the honest individual response even short of proper sensitivity than having no response at all. I am still confused and don't understand everything there is to know about this condition and we appreciate you getting a handle on things and trying work things out. I told your Mom, that's our Jennifer, she'll keep researching till she find everything out! Love can cure us all and remember we all love you very much!... ...I found 45 references [at the library] when I typed in Aspergers. Three were novels, two of them mysteries (?). There is one DVD titled Navigating The Social World. It was not stated what the DVD covered. There was only one entry for my branch so I got it. It's titled "Pretending To Be Normal". It's by a woman diagnosed with Aspergers. I thought it wouldn't hurt to see what it is about. Several of the entries were listed as on the shelves at the Farragut branch. I didn't reserve any as I really wanted to see the book list that is in the notebook Debi gave us. Of the 45 entries, there were several noted as "not available", so they are listed but there are no copies available to read. I was a little surprised at 45 entries, but then this is new to me. Keep the receipts for any books that you buy. If there is a center that opens up one of the first things they will need is a library!!...
Thank you so so so very much. Your words are supportive and your efforts and research initiative mean so much to me. It actually takes a huge burden off my shoulders to know that I have help in learning about this together with family and I can share the responsibility of understanding with others who have strong emotional ties to Terry and Eric. I'm not alone, facing a close-minded world. I'm so very blessed.
Do Re Mi...
We went to the local ASA chapter newcomer class called "My child was diagnosed with Autism...what next?" or something to that effect (boy my mind recalls only in paraphrases these days).
Anyhoo, we brought grandma and I think it was the best decision I made to have us all go there. I even had an appointment with a new customer that I canceled (That's a no no in business huh?) to make it to this class (our God, Family, Career policy slapped me in the face on this situation, so I knew I wouldn't regret it). It was amazingly informative and I was introduced to recreational therapy and music therapy. Both of which I think the Elder would soar with. The only positive thing one of his teachers yesterday said about Eric was that he did well in Music class. Hmmmmmm. He is THE baby einstein prince when it comes to classical music and recognition. I have an electric piano with a DEMO mode and there is one classical song that I have no idea the name of it, but Eric can anticipate each section of the song where it is slow, when it is fast, when it ends, and then what song comes next on the track. Anyhoo, I know he wil benefit from Music Therapy, but just like everything else you need a bottomless pit of $$$. So we are going to try to fight for it at his evaluation on Tuesday to be included in his IEP.
Eric Almighty
What a day. Yes it has been a WEEK since I have posted. Yes it has been a crazy week this week. I'm in a bit of a reflective spiritual mood as I feel like today, in the desperate hope to hear God loud and clear, I couldn't hear Him over my whining and spinning today.
Let's review the week.
Monday was Labor Day and we went to the book store and purchased the new OASIS guide. Later we went to ChikfilA which is crazy because we haven't gone there since we started the Gluten Free diet and we did not go to the one closest to the house. But there we were. I started reading the book and learning yet more and more about my son as he and the Younger are eating carrot raisin salad and french fries and the chicken meat from Dad's wrap. The Elder with his fingers, the Younger with everyone's forks as he kept accidentally dropping each one. In between nibbles, they are terrorizing our neighboring booth housing a 3 year old and his parents. As I'm constantly apologizing to them for the disruption and Eric's throwing his feet in the air to show the boy (or maybe the dad) his Thomas shoes-except failing to let them know that was why his feet were in their ears. Finally in a sweet gesture to help us get them to finish eating, the mom sent the dad and boy to the playground. Soon enough, the boys finished eating, earned their trip to the playground and played beautifully with the 3 yo boy. We befriended the parents and I was sooooo excited that the boys were playing so well together (they were pretending to be in a forest - I think because the stairs were green), that I knew I had to get her name and number to get them a play date. However she works during the day (just not on Labor Day). "Oh really, what do you do?" "I'm a teacher." "What grade?" "Special Ed." Wow, God puts these little angels in my path to comfort me as you know I'm still stressed about the whole school situation. She gave me some encouraging words and strategies that have worked really well in her classroom. Nice....
Tuesday - we had overnight company who were passing through TN Monday night and I spent breakfast, more like brunch-time, visiting and catching up with them. I got a little distracted that day, perhaps because my assistant stayed home sick that day and I didn't have a human reminder of work, and I missed a luncheon and I kind of dilly-dallyed in books and research. I spoke with my in law over the phone about why special education is a good thing, and got more information about Hub as a child and that side of the family. Got more and more overwhelmed by the additional information, cried, napped a little, googled for Asperger Adult Support (as I was culminating in NT meltdown) and found some amazing help. Someone to help us get Terry an official diagnosis AND who has a special interest in families of Aspergers. I felt such relief to find this psychologist! Nice... Got a horrible allergic reaction to something. Not so Nice...
Wednesday - Continue allergic reaction. Drug regimen not helping - not even knock-you-out benadryl (generic). Whipped out the Vicks Vapo. Helped a little. We discovered that reflexology really works with sinus pressure, but it also releases the flood gates. My nose and my eyes were raw from the drippiness. I hadn't had a reaction that big in years and even with cats it wouldn't last a whole day and typically ceased with one dose of drugs (and removal of cat). Eric showed empathy when I sneezed and groaned in misery as I was pretending to have fun helping him build a track for thomas. He said, "I'll be right back." and he came back with the largest wad of toilet paper for me to blow my nose!!! I was so impressed. Nice...
So the significance of this day in the week of crazy is that I didn't pick up the kids from school. I normally do, but there was a miscommunication and Cris adjusted her schedule and rushed home because she thought she was supposed to get the kids. Well I felt bad about the communication breakdown, plus I was still weepy from the allergies, plus I was in the middle of conversation with grandma, that I told her to just go ahead and get them. When she walks in, the first thing I asked was - how did Eric do? Especially after a long weekend AND the honeymoon week I wanted to make sure that everything was still fine. She said that no one said anything to her. Nice?
Thursday - I spent this day writing up a summary of an almost 14 year relationship I have with Terry for the psychologist who will diagnose him. It took all day. My assistant was there but I never saw her. Part of the write up included Eric and the year-long journey we had leading up to his diagnosis. Many of which was bad experiences with preschools and mothers of preschoolers. Put me in a great mood for Friday for our first chapter at Bible study. Nice...
Friday (today) - I take Eric to School, drop Ryan off at the church nursery and head to the Mom's Group bible study. (Last Friday I officially announced to the Group about Eric's diagnosis because I really needed some people praying for us.) So the study was really thought provoking-we are doing the Mary & Martha book (I can't remember the official title right now). Since I didn't get my book until this morning I hadn't prepared anything and just listened. I started to get overwhelmed again being reminded about my responsibility and feeling like I'm at a crossroads with so many things in my life - preschool, marriage, career, church, therapy, etc. I was getting dizzy trying to imagine the road map and making u-turns and 3 point turns and reverse, but never feeling like I was going forward. Then I spoke up. I don't know what exactly I said or if it made sense as I might have been more focused on not blubbering than making sense. I got lots of advice of stop trying to be in control (funny I don't feel in control at all!) and to not worry about my plans but pray that you are following God's plan. Yeah yeah yada yada (no I really did appreciate the reminder) but i'm thinking at that moment, I KNOW ALL THAT ALREADY. I'm praying for faith and patience and trust that it will all work out but I don't know which way to go at theses crossroads. I just need a little hint. Why can't I hear Him telling me which direction to go in?? Can You speak up a little??? Ok...breathe...we have prayer requests and I realize that my problems are my problems and everyone has their own problems and I just need to stop whining, accept it, it's just a molehill, an inconvenience - not a crisis, move on. I go to pick up Ryan from the nursery as we had about 20 minutes to kill before Eric was dismissed from school.
As I descend the stairs, the preschool director approaches me with the "we need to talk" look. My heart sank. Then my jaw fell open when they told me that on Wednesday (2 days ago) that Eric kicked a girl and left a mark on her chest and did something to a boy to make his head bleed. I'm like, um, why didn't anyone tell me on WEDNESDAY??? Then they proceeded to tell me that today there was a biting incident, a hair pulling incident, plus issues from last week (I'm thinking, it was just snack envy, right?), bottom line, they have had 5 ticked off parents call and complain to them about Eric and I found out today (long story short) that Eric is on "preschool probation" where he gets to come half a day and if anything happens he gets booted. Do people think it is not OK to tell me when my child hurts another child????
I was mad, hurt, and disappointed. I spoke to the teachers individually and none had read or listened to a single resource I had given them about the syndrome. They took advice from other people on how to handle Eric in the classroom, but never asked me, even when I specifically stayed after school everyday (except last wed when Cris got them) to ask how it was going. But if they don't call me when he bangs up other kids, why would they call me for advice. I'm embarrassed that I let Eric go there. I had been uncomfortable with it and I should have gone with my gut. I feared that with their ignorance of AS that they would look at him to be a trouble maker and then in turn manifest it. I can't explain why he is acting this way with them when he did great at VBS other than his VBS teachers never knew about the AS because we hadn't heard the final diagnosis yet. I guess I can explain it....Aspergers. I was on the phone literally from the time I got home a little after noon until after Terry got home from work with a teacher or director or Terry or the pediatrician or to a friend venting my brains out. We are going to an ASA meeting tomorrow, so I'm going to just look at what rights he has at this preschool, if any, and we have his evaluation in the County School system on Tuesday (finally!) so that he can resume his therapy. Now that we have documented problems at school, Eric might even be eligible for the county preschool. Hmmmm....teachers with experience with AS - now that excites me!
But tis my friend, Sheila, that got the ball rolling on my spiritual reflection of the crazy week. She quoted the movie "Evan Almighty" (see clip below) and since it was date night and the cynical dad had me craving wings, we went to dinner and movie, well, appetizers at the bar and the dollar theatre, to satisfy both cravings of hunger and entertainment. I walked away with a satisfied craving for peace and sanity in a crazy world that doesn't make sense right now, but in God's time it will. I just have to keep building my A.R.K.
Water Babies/Buggies
Last trip for the Higgins Household to the Beach pool. We have another pool party to go to tomorrow with our Sunday School class but I think we will have to sit it out because I think the younger is sick. =o( I can't get Ryan to stop drinking the pool water and I'm pretty sure he got that spore thing that's going around. I think Eric has stopped drinking it because I started pointing out flies floating in the water and told him that if he didn't keep his mouth shut, he might get a bug in his mouth.
I did get these great pix. Joshua is Eric's very best friend and I'm so grateful that he and his family were able to join us today. Joshua loves Eric so much, and it doesn't matter if he bites him, dunks him underwater, pushes him into the pool, or overhugs him, he ALWAYS is very loyal to Eric and their friendship. Yep, in Eric's excitement of having J there he was a little overly aggressive, in a loving way of course. So ALL of the above did occur (Some multiple times) in about a 2 hour period. I went to go check on J's bite and he pulled away from me and said, "It disappeared!" He did not want Eric to get in trouble. It was particularly busy at the Beach today perhaps because it was Saturday AND the last Saturday of the year that it was open. Plus, Terry came - so I think a little over-stimulation might have been a culprit too.
All in all we had a great time. Cris is in New York so our pool food stash was a little lean (she is great at packing lunches) and we ended up buying some food from the snack bar. Chips were stale so they gave me free french fries with the hot dog that I ordered instead. The Fries were great. The hotdog, not so much. Eric ate the rest of it, and he saw the bun before I could take it away. He did let me tear off the end of the bun. Consequently, he was particularly unfocused in eating dinner. A couple of times he ran from the table with his hands in the air as if to say "The sky is falling!" We turned on the Cars DVD to calm him down long enough to eat. I thought it was hilarious that Terry looked at me and said, "I think Eric needs a massage or joint compressions or something." It was nice that he recognized that.
So off to tub time. Well I start the bath water and begin to de-clothe the kids and I hear squealing. There was the funkiest looking bug swimming around in their bath water (ironically, earlier Kara and I were talking about our respective bug companies needing to come back out to re-spray). You could literally see the shivers going through Eric's body as he was freaking out. Honestly, I was a little freaked out myself, but tried to remain composed (as I'm yelling to Terry "C'mere!" to come rescue us). Poor Ryan was I think in a state of shock. Almost as if to soak up all the trauma in slow motion. He couldn't look away - no words, no pointing, just frozen in fear.
We relocated to mommy's shower ("On your mark, get set, go!" - works every time). Eric has totally forgotten about the incident as he is having fun playing with the shaving cream on the shower door and writing his name and such. Ryan, on the other hand, is diligently scanning the shower floor and pointing to everything and freaking out saying "More Bug!" No that is just mommy's hair. "More Bug" No that is just caulking (it's dark brown). "More Bug" No that's just tickle soap (the exfoliant in the body wash) "More Bug!" "More Bug!" Bless his heart he is all traumatized.
This is a picture of the the species (this is not an actual picture of our actual pest). I googled "household bugs, legs" for obvious reasons and found this picture at this site. Come to find out, it isn't such a pest after all as it is cleaning up after the bug company! It will just haunt Ryan.
This common house centipede (Chiropoda) is not an insect--it has 15 pairs of legs--but it can be considered beneficial as its primary food is small household insects
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